View Single Post
ElysiumFate
There is beauty everywhere.
8328.14
ElysiumFate is offline
 
#27
Old 03-04-2011, 03:24 AM

I've not really read the conversation on this topic, but I wanted to bring my two cents to the table because this is something I've dealt with as a female. Forgive me if I post something that has already been said, I've no time to read the comments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
1) Do some 'pretty' girls not necessarily 'realize' they're actually pretty (i.e. someone who has spent their entire life being told otherwise, etc)?
1) Oh, yes. Very much so. I don't go a day in my life without meeting a female who randomly tells me that she feels horrible about her appearance and who just happens to be attractive in her own right. Unfortunately, most of the uber-pretty girls I meet that say they aren't beautiful -are- fishing for compliments. I know from experience, however, that some girls don't know that they're pretty/admit it. I was bullied for years throughout middle school and elementary for various reasons that are personal and I don't wish to discuss. I was a very confident youngster, but when middle school hit, I just lost it because the pain was too much. I convinced myself that I was hideous, and I made sure to hide myself under hideous clothes to match. It took a very good friend of mine telling me that I was gorgeous and that I should treat myself with respect before I'd eventually admit that I liked how I looked and changed the way I presented myself to the world.

I still have a bit of a stigma from this. When boys or anyone tells me that I'm pretty I smile, nod, say thank you, and politely tell them that I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's all that matters. I guess it's not a stigma. It just feels vain as hell to me to say "yes, I'm beautiful."

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
2)Do girls actually say they're unattractive to gain attention? Does it work?
2) Indeed. They do do this. I see it all the time. It's generally the bitchy girls that use boys who fish for this attention and play off their sweet nature. In other words: my arch-enemies and the reason that I always have to go through a four-month period of healing a boy's heart if I find myself in the position of having a new boyfriend (a rare phenomenon), or even just a new guy friend. So many sweet guys and so many jerk-girls hurting them. And yes, obviously it works. Not all the time. But enough that it is a serious problem.


Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
3) Are they being 'modest' when they say they're unattractive.
3) Sometimes. In my case, yes. Though I don't say I'm unattractive, I just like to make it clear from the start that you're going to have to like more of me than my face to get me to care for you. Most of the time, however, I believe that females do it to boost their self-esteems. I don't think women have ever been known for having high-self esteems, but the last few generations (and especially the current one) has severe issues with this due to the impossible beauty that is presented by the media.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
4) How much of that reaction is socially conditioned (they act that way because they're told to in a social situation, whether it be parental or peer influence)?
4) I believe that almost all of this "reaction" is socially conditioned. We are not born thinking that we are hideous. We don't know what is beautiful until someone tells us for the first time as a child that we either look like an angel or that "maybe she'll grow out of it."


Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
5) Finally, what about 'ugly' girls who think/say they're pretty?
5) This question made me laugh a little, I'm not going to lie. I don't particularly have an answer to this besides "more power to the girls who are 'ugly' and think they're pretty." Confidence is sexier, by far, than a "perfect" face.

Now, on a personal note that I couldn't find a place to put within the spoons. When someone tells me that I'm beautiful...or whatever (smart, etc)...my reaction depends entirely upon how I'm feeling about my position in life at the moment. If I've just done or said something that I regret, or wish that I could have done something a little differently--things like an apology, or forgetting to say I love you to someone I won't see again--I am far less likely to admit to my "beauty," because I base my beauty internally. If I think that my personality is hideous at the moment, my attitude, personality, and the way I dress will reflect this. Sometimes a woman isn't just referring to her outer appearance when she says that she's ugly. This...this...I believe is a rather universal trait that is overlooked.

Beauty is 80% internal and 20% external, if it's not even more severe than that.

----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philomel View Post
Simply put, yes. Not-so-simply put, I think it's fine to discuss it with them and find out why they believe themselves ugly, but it should still stop at that. You're not going to convince them they aren't ugly, at least through words, so now they not only feel ugly but belittled, because you have essentially told them that their standards of beauty do not matter, even when applied to themselves, and that yours should override theirs.
Also. I agree to this. As I've been thoroughly taught in my life: prejudice was not reasoned into a person and it will not be reasoned out of them. While prejudice isn't exactly the right word for this, it is close enough that one gets the point without me butchering the quote.

Last edited by ElysiumFate; 03-04-2011 at 04:41 AM..