I found this hilarious diary entry written by a cat.
;3
Its hilarious.
You cat owners should get a kick out of it.

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow --but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now . . .

Its so clever.
xD
Discuss.

If you want another chuckle, here the diary entry of a dog. A humorous comparison of intelligence.

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

* 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
* 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
* 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
* 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
* 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
* 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
* 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
* 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
* 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
* 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
* 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Edit: They made a cat's haiku as well!
Hope it amuses you.

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit, hairball somewhere
Will find in morning.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close to you.
Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams
My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

That's awesome, is there more of that? I think it would be worth reading.

Yeah is there more of that i am so willing to read it sounds so awesome

Sorry, thats all.
I was wondering the same.
xD

But to compare intelligence, there was also a dog's diary entry.

I'll edit it in.

I think I saw the dog's bit at one point or another. Drat, I was hoping there was more there that I could read.

Yes! I love that thing. You always have to wonder what domestic animals are thinking.

But there IS more! I just don't remember where. I read it years ago... :<

I'll check around and see if they made any continuations.

Check back in a few.
I'll let you know.
xD

That is HILARIOUS! Isn't it in third person? Umm..i dn't know..lol I've always wondered what goeson inside the mind of a feline. xD I wonder what the mouse had to say..?

Sorry, they didn't make any continuation of the cat diary.

But there is a Haiku written by a cat!
I'll edit it into the first post.

LOL I will never look at my cats the same way again!! That's quite a creative viewpoint, it's a shame that there isn't any more. It sort of reminds me of a book called Tailchaser's Song, it's written from the viewpoint of feral cats that don't have much interaction with humans. I also read a sketch/art diary written from a pet rabbit's viewpoint but the bunnies in it look like Sakura and Syaoran from the Anime Cardcaptors, and the owners look like 'em too.. Must see if I can find it sometime. Hah dogs really do act like everything is their favorite thing.

Originally Posted by Clickmyname

Sorry, they didn't make any continuation of the cat diary.

But there is a Haiku written by a cat!
I'll edit it into the first post.

How is this possible? =o

Awesome! I'll bet the mouse's ran something like:

6:00AM: Went out for some food.
6:00.2AM: CATHOLYSHI -
<Recording ends / WAI / KAI?>

Originally Posted by Komitadjie

Awesome! I'll bet the mouse's ran something like:

6:00AM: Went out for some food.
6:00.2AM: CATHOLYSHI -
<Recording ends / WAI / KAI?>

I'll never look at a cat the same again.. xD

• That was awesome - I especially loved the haikus. <3 XD
  
  But you know, I don't think my cat thinks that way. I think to her, she's royalty and we are just her servants. She only keeps us around 'cause we're convenient - good at ear-scratching and providing a warm body to sleep on. X3

Ha! Those are so awesome!

Lol! I've read this before (I think through StumbleUpon). Too funny... although my kitty is seriously spoiled. She always has the good Fancy Feast Selects everynite... Isis has like 100 plus toys too!! Always looks so comfy anywhere!!! I'M SO JEALOUS!! :D

Ha! My cat is spoiled too.
Constant attention.
Constant food.

But he refuses toys.
Every one.

He'll only play with bags and hair ties.
xD

One thing to remember though is that if you are copying from another source you need to make sure to paste it in quote :)

Lol xD That's cute.

Kinda reminds me of this really good song called "Plea From A Cat Named Virtute" by The Weakerthans. It is written in a cat's point of view, and the cat is worried about his owner who seems to be miserable. It's not really meant to be funny, but I love it. T wT <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iWvps1FY1w

Its amazing to me when people say "MY cat". LOL! As if! Cats decide who owns them and every aspect of thier lives. I swore my cats would never go outside and yet they do. They ripped out the screens, yowled constantly and escaped more times than I can count. I finally gave in and let them out and so far they've both been fine. I live on a lake and am surrounded by oak trees and the cats love it as much as I do. :)

I love it, especially since I'm reading it with my cat on my lap. The haiku about the typing is especcially appropriate for her. :lol:

yeah i read that post i wonder if thats what my cats think hmm interesting i have two and they both try to escape ill have to examine them closely hehe