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plip_gurl
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Old 03-03-2011, 05:04 AM

In my oppinon judging a pretty girl when they say they are not pretty really depends on WHY they are saying it. If the girl is bring modest or does not realise how pretty she is then the girl is not trying to gain attention so I find that okay. But if a pretty girl is taking advantage of her looks and is bragging and fishing for compliments then that is just plain b*tchy.


ElysiumFate
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Old 03-04-2011, 03:24 AM

I've not really read the conversation on this topic, but I wanted to bring my two cents to the table because this is something I've dealt with as a female. Forgive me if I post something that has already been said, I've no time to read the comments.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
1) Do some 'pretty' girls not necessarily 'realize' they're actually pretty (i.e. someone who has spent their entire life being told otherwise, etc)?
1) Oh, yes. Very much so. I don't go a day in my life without meeting a female who randomly tells me that she feels horrible about her appearance and who just happens to be attractive in her own right. Unfortunately, most of the uber-pretty girls I meet that say they aren't beautiful -are- fishing for compliments. I know from experience, however, that some girls don't know that they're pretty/admit it. I was bullied for years throughout middle school and elementary for various reasons that are personal and I don't wish to discuss. I was a very confident youngster, but when middle school hit, I just lost it because the pain was too much. I convinced myself that I was hideous, and I made sure to hide myself under hideous clothes to match. It took a very good friend of mine telling me that I was gorgeous and that I should treat myself with respect before I'd eventually admit that I liked how I looked and changed the way I presented myself to the world.

I still have a bit of a stigma from this. When boys or anyone tells me that I'm pretty I smile, nod, say thank you, and politely tell them that I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's all that matters. I guess it's not a stigma. It just feels vain as hell to me to say "yes, I'm beautiful."

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
2)Do girls actually say they're unattractive to gain attention? Does it work?
2) Indeed. They do do this. I see it all the time. It's generally the bitchy girls that use boys who fish for this attention and play off their sweet nature. In other words: my arch-enemies and the reason that I always have to go through a four-month period of healing a boy's heart if I find myself in the position of having a new boyfriend (a rare phenomenon), or even just a new guy friend. So many sweet guys and so many jerk-girls hurting them. And yes, obviously it works. Not all the time. But enough that it is a serious problem.


Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
3) Are they being 'modest' when they say they're unattractive.
3) Sometimes. In my case, yes. Though I don't say I'm unattractive, I just like to make it clear from the start that you're going to have to like more of me than my face to get me to care for you. Most of the time, however, I believe that females do it to boost their self-esteems. I don't think women have ever been known for having high-self esteems, but the last few generations (and especially the current one) has severe issues with this due to the impossible beauty that is presented by the media.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
4) How much of that reaction is socially conditioned (they act that way because they're told to in a social situation, whether it be parental or peer influence)?
4) I believe that almost all of this "reaction" is socially conditioned. We are not born thinking that we are hideous. We don't know what is beautiful until someone tells us for the first time as a child that we either look like an angel or that "maybe she'll grow out of it."


Quote:
Originally Posted by IadulDraculai View Post
5) Finally, what about 'ugly' girls who think/say they're pretty?
5) This question made me laugh a little, I'm not going to lie. I don't particularly have an answer to this besides "more power to the girls who are 'ugly' and think they're pretty." Confidence is sexier, by far, than a "perfect" face.

Now, on a personal note that I couldn't find a place to put within the spoons. When someone tells me that I'm beautiful...or whatever (smart, etc)...my reaction depends entirely upon how I'm feeling about my position in life at the moment. If I've just done or said something that I regret, or wish that I could have done something a little differently--things like an apology, or forgetting to say I love you to someone I won't see again--I am far less likely to admit to my "beauty," because I base my beauty internally. If I think that my personality is hideous at the moment, my attitude, personality, and the way I dress will reflect this. Sometimes a woman isn't just referring to her outer appearance when she says that she's ugly. This...this...I believe is a rather universal trait that is overlooked.

Beauty is 80% internal and 20% external, if it's not even more severe than that.

----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Philomel View Post
Simply put, yes. Not-so-simply put, I think it's fine to discuss it with them and find out why they believe themselves ugly, but it should still stop at that. You're not going to convince them they aren't ugly, at least through words, so now they not only feel ugly but belittled, because you have essentially told them that their standards of beauty do not matter, even when applied to themselves, and that yours should override theirs.
Also. I agree to this. As I've been thoroughly taught in my life: prejudice was not reasoned into a person and it will not be reasoned out of them. While prejudice isn't exactly the right word for this, it is close enough that one gets the point without me butchering the quote.

Last edited by ElysiumFate; 03-04-2011 at 04:41 AM..


Xensas
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Old 06-04-2011, 04:09 PM

I think some of them genuinely do think they're ugly. For example I grew up with loads of guy friends...meaning I got "friend zoned" every single time I wanted a relationship. This made me feel very ugly.

Also some of those girls might have thought they were pretty, jealous girls likely started going on about how full of herself she was and made her feel like dirt and rethink how she looked.

Now the biggest part to this issue with self image is air brushing and editing of every model photo. Most really pretty girls notice they have a mark on their skin meaning it isn't as flawless as the Photoshopped to death photos. I've seen an actual model photo shopped to what they want...she didn't look the same at all apart from same hair colour...they even cut off hip size and increased boob size.

As for ugly girls who call themselves pretty. They get haters all the time. They have the confidence to keep going though which personally I find a very attractive trait.

Edit: Most of them really need someone to support them...I mean I felt VERY ugly up until I lost some weight and got my confidence back, this was reinforced when I got my boyfriend. Now I don't feel like I'm anything special but I'm certainly not ugly and if anyone does feel like that it is their own opinion, I don't find everyone pretty either.

Last edited by Xensas; 06-04-2011 at 04:11 PM.. Reason: I forgot an important point haha.


musikfreakx
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Old 06-06-2011, 07:38 PM

Quote:
1) Do some 'pretty' girls not necessarily 'realize' they're actually pretty (i.e. someone who has spent their entire life being told otherwise, etc)?

2)Do girls actually say they're unattractive to gain attention? Does it work?

3) Are they being 'modest' when they say they're unattractive.

4) How much of that reaction is socially conditioned (they act that way because they're told to in a social situation, whether it be parental or peer influence)?

5) Finally, what about 'ugly' girls who think/say they're pretty?
1. A lot of girls who are pretty often don't realize it. There was a quote I once read by Albert Einstein that kind of relates to this.

Quote:
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Basically, if someone is taught they are a certain way, such as being ugly, they will spend their lofe believe that they are in fact, ugly. Some may be able to conquer that, but a lot may be. Also, some girls are very insecure and they believe their flaws get in the way of beauty. Such as breakouts, chapped lips, too big of a nose, and whatnot, even though these flaws may add to their unique beauty. A lot of the time these flaws hinder girls from seeing their true beauty.

2. Some girls, however, do say they are unpretty to gain attention. I think it's a low move. However I am able to see when a girl is simply saying that just for attention. I never say anything, I just roll my eyes and look away. I believe it's really stupid and conceited, but it's something I can't help or change.

3. Yes. Some girls are quite modest and humble and won't admit they are attractive. they may not necessarily say they are ugly, but they do not flat out say they are pretty or gorgeous and such. It's a good quality to have, modesty/humbleness, and when girls are being modest, they're not trying to do it to get a reaction or just to get someone to say they are pretty. But then again, a lot of the time girls do it for attention.

4. Definitely. Girls, and teens and others in general, learn a lot of their behaviors from their peers. Sometimes they see their friends do that and they hear all the compliments they got and sometimes they just want that too. It's a sad case but it happens.

5. Like someone said earlier, beauty is subjective. As they say...
Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I believe every girl should be taught she is beautiful, no matter what. Because that's what's wrong with society. Girls are taught that perfect skin and wind blown, shiny hair and thin figures and large breasts and long legs is beauty. Beauty, to me, doesn't come in a shape or size or color or any specification.


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Old 06-10-2011, 03:39 AM

From personal experience of me putting myself down, I am going to say girls don't do it for attention or anything. Now I'm also going to say that there are some girls who will, but you can't say that is every situation. Personally I say that I am ugly and such because I honest to god believe that, I don't think I'm good enough in many ways. Given, I do have some days where I feel good about myself, and can look in the mirror and find pretty features.


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Old 06-10-2011, 08:04 PM

Some girls do it for attention, some girls really don't know how beautiful they are.
Personally, I've created a separate persona from myself, and she's the one that accepts compliments and notices how beautiful and confident she is. Some how though I can only do it under the guise of the persona. As myself, I'm not confident, I'm not sexy or beautiful.


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Old 07-02-2011, 06:14 AM

E. All of the above! Some girls say they aren't pretty to get attention, they know they are pretty and want to remind everyone and hear people say it. Some girls realize they are pretty but are being modest because nobody likes a conceided(sp?) show off. And some girls just don't think they are pretty, even though they are. This is a tough one to relate to in a way, because I've heard a lot my whole life that I am pretty, but I don't see it 95% of the time. Sure, in a cute outfit, with my make-up on, my hair done, and the lighting just right, I'm pretty, but I have a lot of flaws and that's basically all I see when I look in the mirror. I feel like when people tell me I'm pretty, they are just being nice, that they don't really mean it.

As far as not so pretty girls thinking they're pretty, good for them. Confidence is everything, and if they are beautiful inside, and confident too, then they truly are beautiful. I have a very hard time looking at somone and not finding the beauty in the way they look, I rarely see anyone as ugly. You know they say the human mind finds beauty in symetry, maybe thats all it takes? But beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, or whatever. One person may find one person attractive while someone else thinks that person is ugly.

I do also think that too many girls these days compare themselves to celebrities and nodels and think they are ugly compared to them, although that's so untrue. Plastic, made-up and photoshopped women are not prettier than you!


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Old 07-02-2011, 07:23 PM

I have such horrible body dysmorphia due to the fact that I am not happy with the female parts of my body to the point where it just grosses me out. I also know that, if I was happy being female that I would be pretty. I try to not be so harsh on myself but it's near impossible for me to think that I am attractive. In turn, every time I hear someone tell me I am pretty or similar things I either get mad or feel like it's an insult even though they do not mean it that way.

It's hard to explain it and most people do not understand that in my mind I really am not pretty. It really brings down my self esteem. It's like my mind is saying "they see me as a female, urg!".

In a lot of cases it is a self esteem issue or something similar. I think that everyone has their good and bad points physically. It's rare for me to look at someone and think that they're ugly. I honestly can't think of a time where I flat out thought that someone was ugly or gross looking unless they didn't bathe or something like that.


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Old 07-02-2011, 09:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Codette View Post
Some girls do it for attention, some girls really don't know how beautiful they are.
Personally, I've created a separate persona from myself, and she's the one that accepts compliments and notices how beautiful and confident she is. Some how though I can only do it under the guise of the persona. As myself, I'm not confident, I'm not sexy or beautiful.
I 100% relate with this. I unfortunately have to do the same.

Even when I'm not feeling like the confident, beautiful side of me, I've learned to just accept a complement and say "thank you." Even when I don't understand why the other person sees this in me. Saying thank you is simple, it won't make the other person feel bad for their sincerity being rejected, and it doesn't come across as a conceited response.

I feel bad for the girls whose self esteem is so low that their image of themselves is so distorted. Yes, some girls do it for attention, but a lot of them don't. Because of all the images in the media, it's not hard to feel as if you don't measure up, and if you don't have these qualities, you are not pretty. It completely changes the image you see in the mirror if you get caught up in what you don't have rather than what you do have that is already beautiful. You can see an entirely different person, to the point that would leave others flabbergasted.


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Old 08-08-2011, 02:44 PM

I had a friend like this. We would be in public, and she'd pick out every girl that I viewed as gorgeous, and start talking about how ugly she was. She did this because she thought she was ugly and felt the need to down 'prettier' girls so that she'd feel better about herself.
Problem is, she was really pretty. However, she'd sit there and go on and on about how fat she was. She weighed 115 lbs.

Around our guy friends, I know she said things so they'd tell her how "hot" she was.

I don't think she did it out of modesty. She really thought she was ugly. She just needed to be told differently so that she could try to convince herself that what others said was true.


 

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