Hey Mene <3
It's been a while.

Probably most of you haven't heard of the word scotoma before, so let me define:

A scotoma is a mental blind spot based upon past conditioning.
What that means is, how you were raised and what you hear/think about yourself and "how life is".... all of that makes you think a certain way. That certain way is what you call truth. They are your beliefs. But when we believe one thing, we don't allow ourselves to believe anything that contradicts with that. (Basic human instinct dictates that we don't let ourselves look stupid, even if we do look stupid. We will probably word it a certain way or try to cover it up, including with jokes.) So what it boils down to is, we are all blind to certain truths because we believe things to work in a different way. If we tell ourselves "I am not good at math", our brains will force us to see where that may be true, or twist what is to make it appear that way. We may in fact be stupid, but in all likelihood, we are very smart and capable, and just have not given it a chance.

I am trying to give myself a chance. I realize that there are a lot of things that I have grown up believing as a person that have shaped me to how I am right now. And overall, I do enjoy being myself. Sometimes, I do not feel worthy of what people do for me, or do not love myself. Other times, I may get so headstrong and motivated to do a certain thing that I see as positive, that I ignore details in the system that keeps everything moving, and that may even be an entire group of people (hypothetically).

Recently, I lost support from a lot of people, some who I have known for years, and others who I had only met for a little while, but got caught up in the circumstances. I'm not going to lie and say that I was acting perfectly or how I should have been. Probably I was very selfish. But I was never expecting such a great magnitude of recourse from what I did. It was never supposed to end so harshly....

I try so hard to do what I should, for the world, for my friends, and myself. But life isn't all serious! What position would we be in if we never let loose and enjoyed ourselves a little bit? Well... I guess things went too far this time. At this point, my boyfriend of over a year and a half is struggling to stay with me without any negative consequences. And he has stayed with me. We love each other to death. I would love to marry him some day, in the far future...

Did you ever think about it though, that a wedding day is a day about happiness, unity, love, and being with someone forever? I feel like right now, the people he is around (room mates)... they would rather see me dead, or they think of me as the devil who needs to be sent to the abyss and never come back. I've done a lot for a certain one of these people... I have known her for 9 years and we have been friends the whole time until... well, now, I guess.

Have you ever felt like this before? The people I have invested the most into have gone back and rejected me. Why could this be? What should I do to solve this?

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TLDR;
I care about people who I found out recently don't care about me! At all... they think I'm a waste of time and air. This is not the first time this has happened. I am trying to figure out what I am missing, not seeing my lost keys per se.... even if they're right in front of me. Have you felt like this before? What sort of realizations did you come to?

Oh, dear, I guess that's the situation I'm in. Sometimes it's not even you, people change, change their minds and act very cruelly for no apparent reason. Many people just stopped talking to me, but what I wanted from them is to tell me why. For my own peace of mind and the opportunity to better myself. What I would do is ask these people to have a serious, mature talk with you. If they will do that, great for you. If not, don't lose any sleep over them. I'd ask them to tell you in detail what their problem with you is, and how can you help mend the relationship. I've had people decide to stop being my friend after years over insanely stupid reasons. One person whom I knew for 2 to 3 years decide I'm a big bad bitch because I used the word peasant. There are always people who'll hate you no matter what you do, and they are the ones that don't matter. It's just much easier to make enemies than it is to make friends.

Lavender le Fay: Were you able to have an adult talk with that person? If so, what did you do to start the conversation?

I sent his room mate a text message last week saying that I was sorry about what happened earlier and that I didn't mean for my mistake to make such a lasting impact on everyone, the day after I saw her at a gas station after work. I was with my boyfriend and she talked to him and her friends at the gas station, but we didn't say anything to each other. I wanted to but I didn't even know where to start, so the words got caught in my throat and I figured I'd say something when it wouldn't come out all jumbled. She just told me, "You're kidding. That isn't realistic for you to have that thought process. Yes it will have a lasting impact on people you're around. ... No one is that stupid." And at that point I was about ready to drop it even though I've known her for years... But I found out today that she made my bf sign a paper saying that he isn't allowed to bring me over or be inebriated at any time living there, or he will be kicked out on 72 hours notice, with no refund to rent whatsoever. And now I'm just kinda pissed, because she's totally not setting the same rules on anyone else in the household, and she hasn't even talked to me at all about what happened except that one text message. -_- While she's spending every night getting fucked up underage. Seriously? How would she like it if she couldn't see the one person she'd like to bring over? I feel like doing something about that. The only factor stopping me is that I need my bf to have a place to live. But if things get any more serious than that, I'd hope he'd have the sense to move to a shelter or something instead of paying rent in a situation like that.

This person you described sounds very immature and even cruel. That's what I don't like about people in general, can't forgive another person, but then they expect to be forgiven each and every time. Honestly, I'd now focus on your boyfriend, see whose side he is on. If he's letting this girl bully him into not bringing you over, then you may have a problem. He pays his equal share of the rent, so it's not hers to dictate who can do what. If your boyfriend is on your side, I'd think about getting him a new place to live, somewhere less toxic with nicer people.

Sometimes... it worked, most times it didn't. Most often people label you as the Devil, and don't want to listen, no matter how stupid, irrational and cruel they are. Though.. there's always a chance, so it's always worth a try.

P.S. No one is that stupid? Seems like she is.

Hi strange, it is upsetting when you find out that people you care about don't feel the same for you. Sometimes it is because of conflicting opinions or incompatibility in personalities. In other cases, I think it may be that someone in the relationship/friendship is at fault or perceived by the other to have done something wrong.

When similar situations have come up for me in the past, I've tried to keep an open mind and try to see things from the other peoples' perspective. Sometimes I've come to the conclusion that the other person is unreasonable, but other times I have realised that I may have been at fault and would try to learn from my mistake and change what I do to reflect my new findings so the same thing won't happen again.

Hope things work out.

At this point I've been living in a shelter for the past month. I'm getting my life taken care of. It's hard but there are opportunities all around me that I am thriving with, and it's very exciting to get everything going again. I can't wait until I can just have an apartment again with my bf. Seriously no one has ever made me happier to be around, even when we're fighting. He is my life and the only person I have been able to live with consistently in harmony and... these past experiences with the room mates only go to show that more and more.

I think it's a lot harder to find real friends than I had given thought to. Any good tips? I am trying to live every day just as I want it to be, and by who I want to be as a person, and hoping that attracts suitable company. It's so hard to tell sometimes though... I think I'm pretty naive about these things, honestly. I believe in the good in everybody, and well... lol. There is a time for everything, and such high thoughts are not always in their due place....ne....

What are some warning signs/red flags for finding new friends? What would you watch out for?
Thanks

If a new friend constantly asks you personal questions which you don't feel comfortable talking about or has unreasonable expectations of your friendship, like constantly asking you to do things for them that's an indication that they may have ulterior motives for being friends.

True friends have respect for privacy... doesn't matter how long you've known them for. Not all friends are close and some never are but they can still be good acquaintances at least if there is a mutual understanding. Close friends may offer a listening ear but don't force you to tell them about problems.

Whatever degree of closeness of friend, it is always best to reaming honest, even if it means letting them know that you don't want to talk about whatever topic.