Since this is the first narrated sentence, I’d make it a little simpler grammar-wise. Maybe ‘She raised her hands to fold…’? It makes sense this way, though, so it’s not a major point.

You just used “hand(s) raised” so I’d phrase it differently here.

I like that the ending had this punch. I really did. But I think this particular punch gave too many logistic issues to have its full effect. Since it’s a ‘rambling’ I can assume this isn’t the opening to something larger, which makes me a little depressed I won’t ever understand what the heck is going on.

Exactly because this is a short piece, I think there should be something with a few less questions attached. The question is not so much “Why are they getting married if they hate each other” because the readers can come up a thousand interesting reasons, which I think was your intent. The bigger question was “If they’re getting married, what/how is all this about being apart?”

Admittedly, I’m looking at this from an extremely critical point of view since I went into this to expecting to edit.


I really liked it, though! I hope you write more micro-fiction. You’re really quite good at it! I hope to see more soon!