Feel a wall between me and you
Distance is the word
To fix something that isn't broken
To break something that shouldn't be broken

Feel a wall between you and I
Distracted is the word
Lets fix it here and now
Break it down right about now

I feel you between the wall and I
Now we're together you and I
Holding hands me and you
Together forever you and I.

There's nothing between you and I
Lets start our future me and you
Making plans of things to do
Great adventures for me and you.


Any comments or critiques are fine with me... Would love to know peoples opinion.

Aww... I love this. c: The ending is nice where all the hurts are mended and the two are moving forward.

I really love the use of repetition in this. I like how the writer notices the wall and wants to do something about it instead of just letting things be the same.

I really love this poem. I can relate to it, since I've been in a similar situation once.

I love your use of repetition. It's effective and powerful. I like how the two move forward at the end. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside. :XD

This is a sweet, nostalgic poem, in my opinion~.

Crowfeather: What does do you mean by a nostalgic Poem? i have never heard of it before..

Thank you everyone for your replies. I have felt like this over the time of a 9 months when my boyfriend and i were not in the same city and i felt it a couple of time since we got together but we talk so much so everything seems to work out really well...

Hi mynanaflirts. :ninja:

Since this thread seems dedicated to poems, I've moved it to our Poetry subforum. Let me know if you have any concerns about it this!

Its fine Iku... i was gonna put it in there in the first place but didn't know if i should or not...

Ah. Well if you decide you want to add literature other than poems to this thread, I can gladly move it back to the main forum. :yes:
Just moved it here since it looked like it was for the one poem. No biggie! Part of mah duty~ :lol:

You might want to consider how the rhyme scheme goes. If there isn't supposed to be one then i guess its a good poem. :D