Time To Vent....

I've vent a little around my friends or family but I still have this burning ache inside. Like there is so much more I need to let out but I cannot because at the time I can't think of words or I'm with someone who I couldn't say something with. So here goes nothing....

Now that I'm ready to vent I cannot put it into words, my life sucks. My boyfriend we haven't been dating long but we're known each other for two years. And I don't feel like he treats me like a boyfriend should. I feel like I'm a third 3 in his life or lower. I felt this way a little when he first asked me out but its weird to go out with someone the first few days you don't know what to do with yourself and they don't know either, but we're be dating long enough that there should be that awkwardness anymore. But there is and its getting worse and worse and I'm just getting pushed down lower and lower on his list. Even when we're alone I still feel like a third wheel.

I found out not to long ago that he dosen't trust me, but then he turned it around when I asked him about it and he said "It's not YOU I don't trust it's ME" I'm like thats so corny >.> Sounds like I break up line I've used before. He says he wants me around but then he says shit like "I see you s couple times a week and my other friends only on Sunday" and it gets even better "I don't talk to anyone after i get home from work, so I can spend time with you. I spend half a tank of gas a week to be with you." It's always about money T_T All I was is a hey babe when I walk by him at church or he walks by me. He dose nothing like that I can stand right by him and he wont look over at me. I can't do this. I thought I was ready to vent and feel better about stuff but I'm just feeling even worse.... And to top it off I lied and told him I was fine after he said all this to me yesterday. Cause in his head he dose alot but all I want is a hug every now and then when I make a point to walk up to him. Is a hug or hey to much to ask for