Missing him more.....

[FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Crimson"]It hasn't been that long since he has been gone but it feels like it has been a long time since him and I last talked...
He left to the airport when it was still Sunday night in California where I live but early Monday morning in New York where he lives.
I was breaking down a lot on Sunday because I didn't want him to be leaving... His e-mail he sent me before he left, made me cry more.
"[B][U]Subject: I couldn't leave without saying one more time... [/U][/B]
That I love you with all my heart and very soul. I am going miss you like hell. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. I know this won't help too much saying it, but I at least wanted to say this with our Anniversary coming up. You mean the world to me. If I ever lost you I would be devastated. In fact, right now I am devastated. Just punched my bed for a good minute, bunny didn't see of course I don't want him getting scared. You just mean so much to me and I hate leaving like this. I LOVE YOU. <3<3<3<3<3 God couldn't even make me stop love you. Try not to be too sad, don't lose your head. I'll be back! back and better than ever! Beelze 2.0! The XP edition! I love you kitty. I will talk to you... not when I talk to you... but soon! <3<3<3<3"
That was his e-mail and that night for me was hard... I couldn't really sleep at all. I broke down a lot on Monday as well. My mother thought it seemed rediculous by the look on her face. She doesn't seem to understand what it is between Beelze and I that keep our love so strong. He and I may have our little fights here and there but we work it all out and things get better. The first time him and I decided to be together, almost two years ago... It wasn't as hard of him leaving for two weeks to go to Puerto Rico, but this time... It is a lot harder for me.. I hear his voice every night and he is the one who can calm me... But so far I have gone two nights without hearing him and still no contact from him. I wasn't sure if he could get a phone or not...
Our two year anniversary hits tonight around 11:59pm (June 8th) my time in California and 2:59am (June 9th) his time in New York. It is complicating and everything but it is how we decided it. Not too long we decided to be engaged to get an ex of mine off my back and not pester me about how much he still loved me. Even though Beelze and I are engaged, we don't plan to get married right away. We still have a lot we are working on in life since he is only going to be 20 on July 13th and I am only 19. He means everything to me and to be even farther apart with no contact, it just hurts my heart. Today is the only day so far since he has left that I have no broken down... Although..... I feel like crying now... I feel lost without him around.
Waiting like this, it feels like he has been gone longer than he has been already. This whole anniversary coming up just isn't the same without him online or anything.. I continually look at my friends list on AOL just to see if he will appear online even though I realize he won't be on till the 21st... I have no motivation to draw like I want to so that I do some freebies I planned to do and the orders I need to do. My music doesn't help much since a lot of it reminds me of him...

I know I am just being sad about it all but I can't help it. I worry about him a lot and his is the love of my life. He has my heart and I have his.[/COLOR][/FONT]