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Donna
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I'm sick

I'm sick

Posted 07-13-2008 at 10:49 PM by Donna
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I'm sick of pretty much everything going on in my life right now. You could say I'm at the end of an abyss.

Yesterday [technically early this morning] I wrote a poem about how I was so sorry to be doing the things I was...but right now, I feel like everyone else should be sorry. I'm fucking upset. ><

What I need most right now, is to punch out some lights. But I could do so much damage when I lose control. I don't want anyone in the hospital...well...no, I don't. But I do want to teach some asses a lesson.
How people take advantage of stoicism. It's so much easier than a flow of emotions.
God probably hates my indecisiveness right now. I told him long ago I wanted him to harden my heart and provide me with some sense of an emotionless life. He did...and then I noticed how pathetic my life was being so I begged for him to open my heart once more and now that it has, I kind of wish he hadn't since it got torn again. I never really get the time to heal so I'm drowning in a pit of torture.

[I]Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not.
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught.
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtains finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow.
And the award for the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be
Faithful to me, let's hear your speech.
How about a round of applause?
Standing ovation.[/I]

It's been in my subconscious for a few days...and I finally realize why.


As if my real life isn't pathetic enough, I've got to come online to Project Mene and have only half of the entries turned in by the deadline. I really wanted to just kick the others out, but they should thank Seiki for convincing me to be nice. After this cycle, I'm going to take a long break from it for at least a few months, and I may or may not continue the fourth cycle, but I definitely won't for the fifth. I'll be passing it on to someone I know I can trust with it. Seeing as how I've barely the time to even update it much, I feel like I'm doing more damage than good.
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Comments 2
Total Comments 2
Comments
Old Comment Posted 07-13-2008 at 11:14 PM
I think that envying those who are more stoic than anything else is truly kind of a cop out. When you don't feel anything, what's there to live for? You're better than that.

Conflict is a thing that I feel we all have our own way of working to cure; my way of dealing with conflict probably wouldn't work for you because it's not the kind of thing you would do. I think you'll feel angry for a while and hold it in, because that's kind of what you do, but you'll get over it eventually. I think you need to be more open with yourself and not let things get to you, but that's really not for me to say.

I want you to know you can talk to me more about your problems if you need to. I'm not going to judge you for the things you do or what you have to say or whatever, but I think venting is really the first step for you to analyze what the real problem is that you're facing to overcome that.
  Seiki Nova is offline
Old Comment Posted 07-14-2008 at 04:35 AM
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Thanks Seiki. <3
Today's definitely had it's ups and downs for me. And the highs weren't as high as I'd hope.
Venting, that's what my friends come to me for, but I can't honestly say I like really venting at them. .-.
For me, I just have anger management slash OCD problems so I end up throwing things around my room and cleaning it spotless. x.x
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  Donna is offline