[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"](: I'm pretty.
and my body is beautiful.
hell, even my badly cut hair is gorgeous.

:angel:[/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]I got new mirrors in my house and I can finally see myself for how I look... xP lol. sounds weird but.. it's true.
I've lost weight a lot this year, but I haven't had these mirrors that would allow me to see my whole body O.o
and you know how the image in mirrors look
different than in photos.

it really boosted my confidence. I felt so sexy and good looking going to the beach today (:
and it produced some nice photos too xP
finally some bikini pics that worked out! [/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][COLOR="Purple"]for the past two months I've had 0 money on my account.
I was supposed to try to get some support money from the social office,
but since I'm married I need my husbands bank account information too.
and he wont give them to me. -.-
I don't know what's up, he isn't supposed to have that much money.. but
he could pay all the bills alone, and he says he has too much money on his account,
so that we wouldn't get any support anyway.... :/

I'm so upset right now because he doesn't tell me things and I'm totally moneyless and because of him I can't get any support.

T_T[/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]*sigh*
oh how you messed me up.
I get these senseless sudden moments when I just want to cry.
I can't function normally.. I took leave from school again for the rest of this semester a while ago.. I'm still doing anything I can to not fall behind but.. shit.
I don't know how long I can take this.
I hope I can work normally! if I can't there's no way we will have enough money to support ourselves.. :( and that would be bad.

I see dreams of you. I remember stupid stuff about you. Make me miss you even more. You stupid stupid a-hole. Look what you did.
:( is it really better now?[/COLOR][/FONT]

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

--

and I just really felt like it was from my
friend who passed away reasently.. T_T
because.. he was 'weird'. didn't belong to this
world. but he wished he did.
in his letter he said he had the right mind in the wrong body..
I also found out he had a big crush on me...

so R.I.P.