I've missed 2 years of my life.

[SIZE="1"]I feel like I've missed two years of my life.
Why? Because I spent two years in and out of the hospital. I'm doing better now, I had brain surgery in Oct '08.

During those two years my "friends" were out getting their drivers license, having their first kiss, going through boyfriends like tissues, going to prom-- basically having a normal teenage experience while I was stuck in a hospital bed. Alone. With wires going into my brain and IVs stuck all over my arms.

I say "friends" because they basically ditched me. Besides one get well card, a few text messages, and even fewer phone calls, they have stopped all contact with me.

I only talk to one friend now. Just one, and she lives down the street from me.

After much thought I have decided I am not mad at them. They were never good friends in the first place, and teenagers are very self absorbed. I should not expect them to care for me.

When ever I go on my myspace or facebook page and I see their pictures... I can't help but feel as if I've missed out on the main experiences most of my peers have had.

I feel selfish that I feel this way. After all, I'm alive, I'm not going blind anymore, I'm getting better slowly... shouldn't that be enough for me? Or do I have a right to feel a little bit sad?

Just once I wish I could care about myself and be a little selfish.


I'm blessed, I have a wonderful life. I have clothes, food, electricity, a home, good parents... but I still feel alone.

It's this aching feeling in my arms, this hole in my stomach. Sometimes I feel so empty I think I'm hungry. So I eat and gain 10 lbs! DX

Sometimes I hate myself so much. I feel like I need to go back to rehab for my depression. But the real reason I want to go back is because I met really cool people there who understood what I was going through.

See, I'm so messed up that I WANT to go to rehab just to meet new friends. -__-

But it'd be better than feeling so alone and empty[/SIZE].