You don't want the details..(or rather I won't give you the details)
Saying you instead of telling someone that I just don't want to tell them. Yeah I have creepy dreams, but you don't need to know why they're creepy or all the details that I remember.
That's.what friends are for... who the heck says that? why do I say that? to put up more distance? what the heck is wrong with me *goes in a corner and sulks* I'm such a loser, why do I even have friends? oh because I'm nice..-_-''
well..that..doesn't help. and he says he wants to come ..well.. he says he will come visit me where I live. Why does he say such things, they really bother me and make me flustered. I think I'm love sick. I didn't want to fall for Darren, he's my friend. I ..maybe it was bound to happen eventually,but couldn't it have waited a month or two?
Either way..I won't tell him. I mean... maybe I have before I even knew what I felt. Telling him I loved him. He was happy..though he said it first before me in another conversation so I figured....well I do love him, he's my friend.. so. why not. I've known him forever.
I've always had a little crush on him. just a little one that I could ignore, but now that I've been talking to him..and he surprisingly enough actually listens to me(he mentioned something from a few days ago and I was like "...wth..he actually listened to me ramble on? O_O'" and he's teased me before..so I teased him back. and I've teased him again.well..not really......
I know I"m still trying to push him away. sabotage myself. I don't know why i do that, but I guess I just don't like getting hurt so .....god..I wish I could stop thinking about him. my face is so red..he stayed up till 5 am talking to me..(five am his time, he lives in england)..why would he do that.. T_T"''
well I know he cares about me...but I'm jealous of his best friend. He speaks so highly of the guy, major man-crush I would guess(he claims to have none but..yeah right(this is what I teased him about. he didn't mind too much I think.. either way I'm going to apologize)
hopefully.....everything will just go away. there are so many things I don't want to deal with right now. Late period, biological father, finding a job. Finding a job I can deal with, the other stuff should either run it's course or go away.
at the end of the day....as they say the sun is still going to rise again in the morning, no matter how much I don't want it to...tomorrow is sunday.. and friendship day according to the calender.. I'm still blushing.. my heart hurts, my face is warm...I"ve been feeling a lot like this. Maybe I have a fever? ...no..but still ^^" one can think what they want.
anyway..I'm tired.T_T'
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