I finding myself hating everything. I've read too many books to let myself become nothing, but I can't help it at this point.
I hate everyone on menewsha. I hate that it's a community that I'm not part of and will never be part of. Fuck you guys.
Fuck everyone.
I need a fag, but I can't even buy a pack.
I hate smoking and I never smoke except for these times. Everything is too big for me.
Ever just like, laid in the middle of a shit load of tress really uncomfortably? it's not as great as it sounds. There's no answers found in the sky. There's something and there isn't and it's killing me.

Argh, I need a puppy or something.

Okay, so I had a relatively fun night at work.

Doing HBOs all night and boogieing to hilarious bollywood music that came out of nowhere.

And my dad had to ruin it all.

AGAIN.

Here I was, all ladeefuggingda, and he started in about my math.

Okay, I'm not crazy over math.

And math doesn't like me.

BUT I'm trying, and I managed to get a 65.

BUT I heard no 'good job for trying, try a bit harder, woo!'

All I heard was 'What's wrong with you?! It's just a simple equation!'

This went on for a while.

My brother is good at everything and I'm constantly being compared to him.

He's taller, smarter, older, knows more languages, plays more instruments and is much more stronger.

'BLAHBLAHBLAH. YOUR BROTHER DID THAT. AND THIS. OH I REMEMBER THAT. LOL..'

Yeah. So. The whole time I was like 'comparisons are gay.'

BECAUSE THEY ARE.

FUGGER.

I'm just so tired.

And I feel so bad.

Because I totally turned my back on my commisions.

And not because I didn't want to.

I just don't have the energy to.

Which makes me feel like a whiny retard.

everyone else on menewsha can draw WAY better than me.

And they also manage a life.

I feel so stupid.

I mean, I can't even take a few hours to draw some shit?

No, I can't, apparently.

I'm blowing off my friend's goodbye party so I can catch up on homework.

He's moving to like, fucking, Vietnam and I'll never see him again.

And here I am.

Whining on an internet forum about what a fucking loser I am.

And I'm making such a big deal out of my commisions, and no one cares.

It's not like they couldn't get 44385324758% better art for cheaper here.

No one cares.

I'm just so fucking rotted.

Whatever.

Fuck this.

So, I wake up, mom yells at me.

Nothing new.

Blahblah you're lazy, you never help us out, why didn't you do the vacumming.

I didn't know the carpet needed to be vacumed.

Well, you should have figured it out.

Sorry. I'll do it now.

I've already done it.

Okayy..?

We don't like how unresponsible you are.

Look, I'm 16, I can barely manage a job and a poor social life, that's all the responsibilty I can handle right now.

We've decided to retract our support in your russia fund.

WHAT

Yeah. So now, instead of struggling to get 3000$ by myself for APRIL I have to get 6000$. And she's not letting me take any of the recyclables.

This SUCKS. There is no POSSIBLE way I could get that much working 15 HOURS a week.

God, this sucks. My parents have a massive stick up their collective arse.

Okay. I need to rant here. I mean, I really do.

It's not that I hate it.

It's just.. after 8 hours of serving crooked fat chicks, I hate it.

And I hate getting help for every little thing.

I know.

'It's okay. You're new. Blahblahblah.'

But come on. I should have known not to rinse all the fucking coffee pots.

And another thing.

I HATE closing.

I'm new.

WTF am I closing for anyways?!!

And everyone already has established friendships. Which is awkward in ze break room.

Sigh.

I want to go to bed.

I want to sleep enough to wake up for my shift tommorow at twelve.

But I can't.

Because stupid Menewsha and my stupid fucking commisions and my stupid fucking guilt about being so fucking late.

Rawr.

Fuck this.

I'm going to Russia.

Fuck Menewsha.

Fuck Gaia.

Fuck fucking facebook.

I'm out. Outoutoutoutout.

For the night.

I won't be this mad tomorrow.

But right now. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at how I smell like ketchup, I'm pissed that there's a big dirty old pile of dishes for me to do here, and I'm pissed that I'm so tired I can't see and my eyes keep fucking seizing or rolling or whatever the fuck is happing.

I need sleep.

I need my pillow.

Fuck.