It's been a while...

I had a long disturbing journey since the beginning of 2012 up until now.

I just want to say that I'm having trouble trusting men. Once you deal with the narcissistic predation, the lies and cheating, the manipulation and humiliation... you'll never want to try to love or trust again.

The pain was so bad that I can barely feel any sexual/romantic attraction toward men. Granted I'm bisexual (leaning toward women), but I still felt an attraction to men. Now I don't feel much of anything for them.

Its not as if I don't try to feel... there is a guy in my life who is a "fur brother" and "fox kin" to me. Before that he was a brother, father, teacher... and I feel a little bit for him, but the past reminds me that I have to be careful. It tells me not give up so much of my heart that end up where I was last time. I don't want to get tangled up with another guy just to get hurt again. So I keep my distance.

I know that is selfish, but I don't want to be in that hell filled with negative thoughts, heart pain and self-harm. It took me so long to crawl out of it... I don't want to fell back in again.