Rated M for Mature. [Part 1]

[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]
[Warning, there is some mature sexual-related content involved in this blog so please back out now if you wish to avoid reading it...not that you'd want to anyways, it's quite long.]

Reading back at my last blog entry...I sound like a complete idiot. xD
That's what I get for lack of sleep.

I'm not totally happy right now, but I wouldn't describe my mood as sad either.

"It's a day filled with fragments of dreams and disconnected memories. You may have repetittive deja vu experiences that you cannot easily explain to anyone else. [U]Don't try to share your inner experiences now. [/U]Just do what you must to meet your obligations while reveling in the fantasies of your unexpressed feelings. You can always talk tomorrow."

Hahah I guess I shouldn't try to explain myself today, or so my horoscope says. Yes, I'm big on zodiac because it's usually right...at least for me. Even Sextrology, a book about your zodiac sign compared to your sex life, past life, etc.
I'm the most emotional of the signs, but I'm not the kind to always express them. I act on gut instincts. I can swing from party girl to sorrowful soul, masterfully so my book says. [LIST][*]"In early relationships, she expects to be saved by men" which was very true. Now it's sad to say that I just use them. :/[*]"With other woman, she tends to play mother hen"[*]"typically...grows up in a female-dominated household where her mother is the unequivocal master and her father is a rather vague, if amiable, figure." Incorrect. My mother is a stupid pig. If any female dominates this house, it's me.[*]"She is a walking-talking-harbinger of hope that must necessarily smile through her tears just as the sun shines unseen behind the clouds of torrential rain or in the dark of night"[*]"her power lies in actively purging her emotions"[*]"Contrary to popular astrological belief, the Crab female is not the nurturer of the zodiac...she is of little help in trying to 'fix' things for others" THANK YOU! I don't know what to do...ever. [*]"Complaining is a waste of emotional energy that's meant to be channeled into one and only one emotional action: having hope."[*]"She feels things are going to happen, and by trusting these inklings, they do." Yes, for some odd reason, I can sometimes be a bit intuitive. [*]"In short, Cancer goes with her gut."[*]"Cancer may be so grateful to the first prince who comes along that she gives her full self to him, unquestioningly, making a god of him." o.0 Still unsure about that...[*]"Cancer can come across as conniving, vainglorious, phony, and manipulative, not to mention totally simpatico to fellow females." :/ Sorry.[*]"Being the demure darling to men, no matter how disingenuous, is a popular track for Cancer to take. She makes a man feel like the big, strong protector." Really?[*]"Indeed, Cancer often looks like one who is just about to cry- it is her default expression, all pouty mouth and welling eyes"[*]"She looks the part: Despite her country of origin, Cancer is generally as wholesome and all-American as apple pie. Added to which, she styles herself in colorful, curvaceously cut, rather middle-of-the-road fashions"[*]"as a sort of wifey taste, wherby, she appears enternelly marriageable and, more than any woman, ready to settle into any suburb in the offing." XD Can we say right on target or what?[*]"Indeed, calling Cancer a flirt doesn't even begin to describe her overt gestures toward the opposite sex, if she feels inclined to deliver them. When sexually inspired, Cancer throws herself at the object of her lust, leaving no question as to her interest...the female Crab is no creature of subtlety." XD I don't THROW myself, thank you very much. I know exactly how to much to hold back.[*]"There is something exaggerated in her looks. Her complexion is bright, her physicality bubbly and boundless, her eyes beaming and her smile naturally pasted on like that of some beauty-pageant contestant...Cancer is a contradiction in terms- a congenial hometown girl who'd just as soon grab a guy's package as stand there smiling at him." xD I'm not going to comment, but I won't immediately deny it.[*]"Cancer seems born to make a love connection. Whether or not she's in a relationship, the Crab requires, even demands, regular sex. Still, because of her generally conservative sometimes coporate style of dress, there is rarely anything truly "sleazy" about her." :] Thank you.[*]"either way she tends to suffer from a serious case of boob envy. If she is chesty, this will tend to be her most overtly feminine feature" Yes. I do use my boobs to my advantage.[*]"Cancer tends to be very much the blonde, if not literally, than in personality. Actually, she will be lighter-haired just as she is lighter-skinned" Funny story, I was born blonde and my hair changed naturally to a mousy brown and now I'm dying it darker, though it loves to fade and go lighter. And I'm damn pale. :[[*]"She wears her hair loose and long...not generally big on makeup, Cancer instead opts for a natural-beauty look. Except when it comes to her lips and eyes, which she paints and mascaras." Very true.[*]"Starved for male affection, Cancer clings to the first eligible boy who takes romantic notice of her- a girl with a serious steady relationship while still in high school" and we almost got married.[*]"the pool of guys are rather traditionally-minded, athletic, all-American male versions of herself. Even at sixteen, she's already thinking marriage." I'm traditional thinking, so it's only right I have a mate that way. Athletic, I don't care, and all-American I don't care as long as you like American football. :] Truth in part, I always have been thinking marriage, but not seriously until I was sixteen and my then boyfriend proposed...if you can call it that. xD[*]"she often gravitates toward unemotional, insensitive, or even unattainable types, believing such qualities are linked to conventional masculinity." Wow. xD I like to say just the average Joe. I'm not one for going for a guy who cries more than I do. o.0; [*]"seeks to social climb- not necessarily to great heights, but just high enough to rise above what she, at least, perceives as the drudgery of her lowly station, arriving at that comfortable middle class." I'm not a social climber, but I do perceive myself as a bit higher socially than my family. They looked at me weird when I told they asked why I was eating before going out to a social dinner and I said I don't eat at social events. How do they not understand that? o.o You don't eat on dates [at least much] and not at other [nice, dress up worthy] social events. [*]"She is utterly needful of expressing her loving emotion to a man. She doesn't simply aim to please...she is desperate to do so, pulling out all stops to shower affection to the male who gut-wrenchingly inspires her love. Cancer doesn't have casual crushes. She swoons, cries, and pines for love and the want of its being returned." That makes me sound like I'm a doormat. And I'm not...and neither do I do so much for a man.[*]"needs contact far more than she needs the protection of her so-called virtue. Sex, she believes, is a means to emotional repair." No, not really, it's more just a way for some form of temporary pleasure before I'm back to the drudgery of life.[*]"she isn't the damsel in distress she perceives herself to be; rather our moony Cinderella must take responsibility for her own survival. The hero she requires is more the sacrificial sort."
"Cancer woman doesn't require a man who'll come to her emotional rescue, but one who'll sacrifice himself to the watery rush of her emotions, willing to be swallowed into her delightful vortex." Compare to Osiris and Isis. Unfortunately for him,
"Isis does require a bit of ritual castration: The male can't impose any patriarchal dominance, but rather must take a second-sex role in the relationship, subject to Cancer's authoritative whim."
Getting complicated yet?[*]"Trouble is, these aren't the guys Cancer goes for early in life. Instead, she often confuses a man's steady outright inability to love, a horrid stoicism, with the loving anchor she truly needs. She is perpetually being drawn to such loveless creeps, domineering guys whose tyranny she misreads as loving attention."[/list][/COLOR][/B]