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I miss that feeling I used to have. It's leeeeavin, and never will come back again. xP
Well, left quite some time ago. Yeah, I miss him, but I know it wouldn't work out ever again. It's hard to explain my feelings right now. And the ads are torturing me when they put "Who will you marry?" right in his profile. Like that doesn't bring back strong memories, and my own promises. I'm a bit regretful. I know we could never go back to what we had, but I just miss being in love. I freaked out yesterday night at El Torito when dad was saying I was almost 21 so I could drink. I'll be 19 in a month. How scary is that? And in a year from that, 20. FREAKING TWENTY! I'll be an adult and I don't have a husband, fiance, or even boyfriend right now. :sigh: You'd think a girl would learn...
I'm feeling kinda crappy right now. Wewt for staying up almost 36 hours? :/
I'm going to bed soon.
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I'm so hyper right now. xD
Freaking I love my new look...I almost don't want to go back now. :[
[My shift key is dying! >O]
But yeah, just finished up my intro for nina's real world movie and it's almost four in the morning. xD I don't think I'm going to end up sleeping tonight because I'm going to be up in five hours getting ready since I have to be at nina's house at 10. Hahaha I'm going to pass out to sleep when I get home. At least I'll be back on track sleep wise since I've been staying up way too late lately.
Work was boring, but at least dan was there so it was kinda fun. It would have been torture with lisa and Nikolay there tonight. @[email protected];
Ma's creeped out by the new looks. Dad's kind of mehish between nuetral and freaked. Mig is down for whatever. I think I'm going to cut my hair short because I've been wanting to for so long and now I get the motivation I need.
I'm not into the punk thing music-wise much, but I love the fashion. D: <3
Claire would kill me.

So after work, I went to my cousin's grad party, [I wish I had a chance to tell her about the film but I'll show her pics later on my myspace] because she's into that fashion and I'm sure would kill to see me like that. XD We went out away from the parents for a "ladies stroll" and let Laura and Trisha get high while they told me about what happened since she dropped from our hs. Pretty crazy adventures, I'll say. My cousin's awesome, and much more adventurous than I've ever been, but wanted to be. They asked me if I wanted to hit, but I told em nah. I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't, and I intend to start keeping my promises. I'm really craving a cig though for some reason...I think I'll buy some tomorrow for the movie though. Even if not to smoke. But anyways, I don't care if people are into whatever, I'm not going to hate them. I wasn't bothered by the smoke, freaking I go to college, I've smelled every smoke there is i think. xD
I love cigar smoke for some odd reason...and some cigarette smells too.

Gosshhh freaking Nina, I'm so hyped. I think I need to do my daily sleep routine so I'll feel tired.
Laters yalls. :D

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And so far, this day is not going well.
I couldn't sleep well, and my mother's been bugging me down with useless crap for the hell of it. I told her I didn't feel well and she asks if I want to go pick up my brother...what the fuck do you think? -.-
Now I've got to get dressed because I've got to go work my ass off at register and have customers "correcting me" about how I'm wrong and dealing with returns as well. I'm really not in the mood for this today. I hope that for once in a lifetime, they'd just let me stick to gobacks. At least for tonight.

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Not much happened today. I stayed up until 8 am. I wanted to stay up all day, but that didn't work out. Woke up around 3:30 in the afternoon and chilled. I was supposed to fix my corset, I think I'll do that later this evening. I've got work tomorrow and Tuesday. Gah. At least I get paid this week. I'll have about 400 bucks in the bank now. Sweeet. I have father's day presents to buy so yeah, I'll need it. I'm thinking of buying some clearance things online, I still have yet to buy two sets of this month's cis, and I'm really starting to get into this punk thing. My look feels so boring and worn out now. I'm more prep-dressed [without the name brands] than punk, but I'm thinking some good punk items in my closet will help me in case I feel like dressing up. Speaking of dressing up, I'm thinking of getting [and or making] some more dresses. I have three casual ones in my closet. One that doesn't look good on me anymore and another that I don't really like [brown/green stripes bleh]. The other one I just wore, but it takes all sorts of hell to fix me up so I look good in it. I want something that I can practically throw on and look awesome in, thanks. :/ I shouldn't have to conform to the dress.
Speaking of dresses too, I still have to finish my Una dress. I'm hoping to work on it Thursday or so. Omgoshhhh I can't believe we're filming the movie on Tuesday and Wednesday!!!!!
It's seriously going to be awesome. Problem is, it's mostly adlib and I'm not really good at acting. If I have a rehearsed speech, it's sooooooo much better. I'm sure chica will be great since she's awesome at freestyling [rapping too], but I'm not good at all. When I make a rap, I have to write it down, go over it a few times, see if there's anything that's better, etc. Things don't automatically come to my mind like with chica. I did make one confessional which is what I'll probably use, and I don't think I'm doing more than one confessional, maybe two and the other one will probably just be me talking about arriving there which is pretty easy for the most part.
It's the other parts which freak me out. Like what I'm going to say when I meet up with chica's character and what to say...though I'm sure we won't say much of anything, but what I'm going to talk about with the other people. I'm thinking maybe conversing a little bit with the bookworm and Julio, though I don't think I can manage to really see eye to eye with the other characters. Perhaps Jayvee's character [the chef], but I doubt it. Definitely not chica's character, and not the frat boy or model. Oh! Nina's character I could talk to too. Hahaha. This is so weird though. Have I mentioned how much I hate adlibing?
How come whenever I intend to write a small blog, it comes out huuuuge with tons of rambling and when I want to write something bigger, like essays, it comes out much smaller? o.0 I find that incredibly odd. Maybe I should decide that I want a three page essay and have it come out to be seven pages. XD
I dunno. Whatever.

Let's see...dressed up yesterday in that terrible dress I told you about earlier where it takes forever to get ready. I didn't even know I had to dress up until the last minute. Baddddd. And I was rushing so we were twenty minutes late and my corset kept poking me so when we got there after a while, I excused myself to the CR to take it off. When I got there, I couldn't shove it in my small bag so I looked everywhere for a bag to put it in and found an empty clear trash bag I decided to use. I know, icky, but still I had nothing else so I shoved it in there, and tied it up, and walked back to my seat which was conveniently one of the closest to the bathroom. :] We were stuck at an overflow table because people took our seats. Ugh. Whatevers. I didn't want to sit with those bitches anyways. Ma told me to bring my ipod so right when I stuck it in my ear, she would say something or talk to the people across from us and try to get me in the conversation. Bitch. You wanted me to bring my music, don't get me to talk. I'm doing this because you bought my clothing and I owed you.
Speaking of that, it should come in tomorrow or Tuesday. I can't wait, seriously. It's going to be freaking spectacular. OH! And I found lipstick in the kitchen [I know, wtf?] that was the same shade as the one I was using, but in MUCH better condition. The other one was dying on me and near falling off so it took forever to get it right on my lips. I swear I near used ten tissues.

Gah. Enough rambling. I'm going to play snake because I spent so much gold and need to gain it back, then I'm going to fix my corset, and go to sleep [early I hope].
Laters. <3
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Everything's died down lately.
I'm going to be in a friend's movie dressed all punky. I used as many clothes as I had, bought a couple from Torry, and got gloves and hair extensions today at Hot Topic.
I look sooooo different. xD

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XD
Pretty drastic, no?
I'm going to be Bellatrix, 23 years old, bartender, from San Fran.
My character is going to be totally opposite and clash with my best friend, Margie, who will also be in the movie as a French editor of a fashion magazine called Bliss.
The idea is that it's kind of a horror take on the real world where we each die off until everyone's dead. Who's the killer...you'll have to decide. Was it one of the contestants who in turn killed themself or another person? Maybe it was like 1408 and the house did it. xD Haha.
It's for my friend's final for one of her classes. We originally were going to do something different, but then we all helped with this idea and it's pimpin to say the least. I just wish we had the time to film it to the best of our abilities. Nina's at uni for the weekend, and we're all busy Monday. Tuesday me and Jelly have work and some people will be filming parts on that day, and we'll have to do some of the other parts Wednesday, and the final's due Thursday. Talk about cutting it close. She knew about this last Thursday too...I really wish she wouldn't have waited so long to work on it. It has so much potential but with the time we're given, I don't know how well it'll come out. We're hoping to put it up on youtube when we're done though.

Other than that, work's boring and there's a complication with my boss. :/ Not cool. I'm hoping to see the panda whatever movie maybe this weekend. I'm going to have to recolor my hair tonight because I've been needing to for months and it's looking eww. Tomorrow night I'm going with ma to some awards ceremony...she bought 100 bucks worth of crap for me so I kinda owe her. Sunday night...I don't remember. Monday and Tuesday night I'm working and Wednesday we're shooting. After that, I'm probably going to be dragged to the movies Friday, Spencers to buy shiz for me and father's day Saturday, and Sunday is Father's day so we'll probably be doing something. Then working again Monday Tuesday unless they scheduled me weird again...I wish they'd just keep me on a constant schedule. It sucks having to come in so much to find out when I'm working.

Anyways, there I go blabbering again. xP
Okay, I'll shut up now.
Off to color my hair! I hate fading....
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