This all was posted on my Myspace.

[quote] An Update
So tomorrow is Friday, officially four more days.
Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Practice Graduation and Graduation.
I am tired and oddly melachonly, partly I guess because of Graduation.
As my status says I am very contemplative right now. I am thinking about
a few things...that will be shared in a preferred list blog. I might just put
a bunch of people on that but right now only one person is actually on
that list.

I know I am going to miss everyone that is leaving and the sad thing
is that something a friend said is true, chances are a few of us will not
remain in touch. When Kao does read my entry, I hope you know I meant
all of it and I would have written more but I couldn't think about anything.
I do love you as a friend would love a friend. You are a great friend and
acquiantance.

Now I really do plan on trying my hardest to remain friends with all
the people I met this year but if it doesn't work out, at least I know
and they should know they have affected the outcome of the person
I become. I love who I am becoming...for the most part...and I will
probably love who I become even more!

I would post this on graduation but that wouldn't be too smart because
the things I am contemplating won't or shouldn't wait till then. Therefore
this blog would be way off! Hum. Well, I loved the Youtube Material
movie we made; it was super fun. The problem with signing yearbooks
though is that I don't have the "gift of one liners" nor the gift of writing
anything in a time that is assigned to me.

I love you all, gawh, I bet this sounds like I am going to die or something. xDD
Well, I don't plan on dying any time soon, though sometimes I probably
feel that embarrassed! Gawh, the room goes silent when I say stupid things...
Especially in Calculus for some odd reason. Well, I honestly can't think of
anything else for the open blog; onto my preferred list blog.

[/quote]

[quote]The Contemplation


So okay, my contemplations.

When I was friends with Jacky W. and even Kayla G., especially when
they were a lot nearer to my own physical body, I seemed to be a lot
more "gutsy". Well, I wish they both were here for me at the moment...
they would really help me figure out what I should do and then pretty much
I would do it without chickening out too badly.

Well, what is Envy to do; I am really stuck, here is the thing I still like him!
I meant to get over him months ago and it didn't happen and wth do
I do! A part of me screams "Tell him that you like him!" and the other part
screams "Don't, it will screw with any chance of a friendship!" well, which
part should I listen to. If I were to listen to the "Tell" one; how would I tell
the guy?

Yeah I do have his email but I feel like that is the Chicken shit thing to do
and I could lose respect from him because of it. Or I could tell him in person
but I swear I am way to scared about that... Whatever. Obviously, I will
have one or two people on my preferred list.[/quote]

Yup on top of the bittersweet feeling I had yesterday. I had an alltogether Bittersweet day. :gonk:

It started out bitter, then had some sweetness and ended pretty bitterly.

So I was yelled at and in the middle of my parents fight about school, money and gifts.

After that finally ended because my dad had enough of the critism and yelling of my mother, I left the house and hung out with my friends.

Hanging out was super fun and I would love to do that again.

Uhm. Then I came home and talked to my parents about this after school party that the school throws after the Graduation that ends around MIDNIGHT and all my family will leave me. However, my father said that I have two options, "Go to that and not have your family at your graduation or Not go to that and have the family go."

Well, I choose family...However, thanks Dad that would have been one of the last times I saw Kao because she is going to Pittsburgh and I am staying here.

I had some very interesting thoughts.

Well first offs, I discovered through a friend's help that my Gorgeous Genius Aaron is staying here!
I was shocked. I honestly was, then I was seriously giddy about it.

Well, I come home from a homework group thing with some friends and I think and think.
Well, I saw Aaron sad today, not likely because of that though, but he was sad.
It made me feel really sad. Then I thought about how he is not leaving and though it made me giddy
it was bittersweet.

I was happy that maybe I could have a second chance at going for the kid but I know he is intelligent and
deserves to go to an amazing school and be amazingly happy with his education. I thought about why he wasn't
going, money, and I wished I could help him. I thought to myself if 3k would help I would give it to him...

Well, then I went on daydreaming about stupid things but I will tell you that too.

So I day dreamed that, him and I were dating and he was sad one day. He came up to me and told me this
and I told him "When you are sad it makes me sad but I don't want you to keep your sadness from me."

Then he asks me in my daydream "Which would you rather have: Me always being sad and always telling you or
always being sad and never telling you?"

I told him "I rather you always tell me when you are sad, so I can try and help you fix it even if it means
the end of our relationship. I don't mind that as long as you become happy afterwards."

Eh. I don't know it is odd. I feel that way with some friends, you know help them the best you can but
Aaron is harldy an aquaintance.

Of course they aren't the best things in the world, but I mean I got over the fact that she made that assumption about me and I forgave her.

She still feels bad but I told her that she needs time to forgive herself.

How do you pretend that you don't know most of your friends think you are an effing sexuality you aren't?!

All my girlfriends are having an issue with me because they think I am a lesbian.

Oh well. I guess I could rant but I don't know if anyone wants to even hear me rant.:sarcasm:

Haha. Well, this is my blog so anyone that doesn't want to read my rant just disappear from here.




Alright my Rant:

Damn, okay so I don't know if I am "too touchy" but most of my girlfriends think I am a lesbian and you know what is funny, one of my friends that is a lesbian says I am completely straight!

I know I am straight, I adore boys and adore those three boys. If it weren't for the fact that I am getting out of High school and probably never seeing those again in a month, I would ask them out.

I guess I am going to just stop touching my friends.
I will touch the ones that know I am straight but no others.

Oh well. Screw it.:|