Screaming inside my head.

[Quote][Color="Red"]I loved you, you made me, hate me. You gave me, hate, see? It saved me and these tears are deadly. You feel that? I rip back, every time you tried to steal that. You feel bad? You feel sad? I'm sorry, hell no, fuck that![/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]You were everything to me, and I ruined it all, because I couldn't change. People can't change. You change on the outside, but when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, you know you are the same. You're twisted, fucked up, unwanted, unloved. And I had it all. Despite everything, I was doing okay, on the outside. I thought I could be normal, for you.[/Color]

[Quote][Color="Red"]It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. This strife it dies, this life and these lies. And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you![/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]I honestly thought I could stop hurting myself, make myself good enough. All for you. And it was never enough. So I started again. Started making myself feel the pain, knowing because of your screams, that I could never be what you wanted. And I cried, the girl who stood there while her father beat her and raped her for six years, and never cried. The girl who got nine chipped teeth and multiple scars cried because she wanted to be what you wanted, and I couldn't.[/Color]

[Quote][Color="Red"]I've, Lost it all, fell today, It's all the same. I'm sorry oh. I'm sorry no. I've, been abused, I feel so used, because of you. I'm sorry oh. I'm sorry no[/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]And the pain used to help, before you. I could go to the bathroom, lock the door, and take myself from the pain inside, make it real, something to focus on. If I got upset, I'd rub my leg, make them break open, and take myself away. Why did it stop working? Why is it getting worse?[/Color]

[Quote][Color="Red"]I wish I could I could have quit you. I wish I never missed you, And told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you. The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through. Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew![/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]Don't get me wrong, I know people have had a worse life than me. But still, this is my life, it's what I have to face, everyday. How can I focus on someone else, when my life stares me in the face everyday? It's like knowing polar bears are dying because of us, but it's not us, so it's just in the back of our minds. Am I a bad person, for thinking that way? I want so badly for someone to wrap there arms around me and tell me I'm not. That I am everything to them, that I made a difference, that I'm not worthless, or disgusting. That they love me, despite my faults. And now, because of both of you [I]fucks[/I] I can't even let people in, to help me. I feel lost, shattered, and I want to let people in, let them get close and help me, want to let myself get close to them. But I can't...Can't risk the hurt. The next time I need to go to the hospital, I doubt I'll be so 'lucky'. They same the same sweet words, and seem so comforting, just like you. And the little voice in my head screams at me 'Stupid girl, you wanna fall for the tricks again? You deserve what's coming'.[/Color]

[Quote][Color="Red"]How could you do this to me? Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you. I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up. Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts![/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]Sometimes, I get to the point where I can't move, can't breath. And I just lay there, crying. and when I can move and breath, I try to run away from the pain...it just won't go away... I feel so weak. And I hate it. Hate myself. Wanna go away, but the fucking doctors just stitch me up again. It's bogus, like you were my drug, and I'm still suffering withdrawl. And then the baby. She was that important? That you couldn't be there for that? At least I know, as fucked as I am, you're right there with me.[/Color]

[Quote][Color="Red"]Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest. And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound. Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest. And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.[/Color][/Quote]

[Color="Blue"]Even if I am too afraid to stop the pot, or drinking, or even cutting, at least I know I got that over you. We are both fucked up people, who've led fucked up lives.[/Color]

[Color="DarkRed"]But at least I admit it.[/Color]