I think I am kind of like a guy trapped in a girl's body...

I felt like switching my avatar to a guy, just for the heck of it.

But honestly...

I am REALLY A GIRL.

=3

No lie

I wonder if I have some sort of 'mental disorder'.
I recently realized... I don't seem to quite understand emotions.

Happiness is this warm fuzzy feeling, with several degrees.

Family love is, at times, wanting to hug and strangle a relation at the same time.

Anger is this burning thing that makes you wanna hit stuff.

I learned a specific emotion recently, but can't remember it...

If only I could self-diagnose somehow.

OH GOSH! I look at my gold amount this morning and I see 2222.22!!!! Now if that could happen to the 3s, I would be all set! Oh yeah, NEVER FORGET THE PEOPLE WHO DIED ON 9/11.

It always intrigues me to look at the differences in people, myself included. One of the things that sparks me is the subject of self care. You know, the efforts made to prevent emotional and physical burnout so that we don't wander the earth feeling abused, angry and emotionally isolated from our peers.

Who can (healthily) function if they never take some personal time to just relax and find some beauty in life?

Who can (healthily) function if they haven't learned how to say "no" when their plate is already brimming over with things to do?

I'm not suggesting that people be selfish. Selfishness isn't at all appealing. What I am suggesting is that people learn to notice the differences in selfishness, selflessness, and how to seek a happy medium between the two.

Doing 9 out of 10 "good deeds" in a day is more than enough. Do the 10th one for yourself. It doesn't make you a disappointment. Being a martyr isn't admirable; it's just heartbreaking.

Doing 9 out of 10 "personal things" in a day is more than enough. Do the 10th for someone else. You might like yourself a little more, and who knows, people just might like you back.

Over the past several months I've switched gears from worrying about everyone else a little too much to worrying about me a little more. It's still hard some days, but I'm finding things to be a little more brighter outside than they used to be.

This isn't a fanfiction as such--but it is inspired by songs (although I intend for it not to become a traditional songfic, or at least what I've seen most often as "songfic").

Ever since I first heard Grand Theft Autumn by Fall Out Boy, I've wanted to do a story around it. Headfirst Into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet fits into that same little niche--I want to do a story, probably based around those two. And I have no idea what, or how it will go. Ugh. I'll probably just start writing at some point and see where it flows to. It's just a bit frustrating that I have something blocked up--not like the normal writer's block that I experience, but more like a river that's dammed, because it's trying to get out but it won't.

Is that what writer's block is usually like for people?

Anyway.

Also, school. It's much more intense than it was last semester--which makes sense, because I currently have five classes, three of which are art classes which require a lot of outside work, I have two jobs, and another class that will start in a month and a half. I'm just hoping that I can hold up under all of it. I really might take a vacation in winter if I can--I never do over the summer, and it bit me in the ass freshman year and the first half of last year.

I realize it sounds bad--but I hadn't had a break, any sort of vacation, since my sophomore year of high school. My mother insisted that despite the fact that I was taking piano lessons, dancing in various locations, and doing band camp, I needed to take summer classes so that I wouldn't be "doing nothing". Senior year didn't have band camp, but did have college preparation. And piano. And dance. And summer classes. By freshman year, I really wanted a break--and I didn't get one; there was also a lot of stress (my father's parents both died over the last two years, my senior year was INCREDIBLY stressful, and both my cat and my boyfriend's cat died). And then I worked while still trying to force myself to pretend to be happy happy cheery cheery (because the school here is big on that), have time to myself, and do things that I didn't care about on a schedule that didn't work with professors who I didn't like. (I did like some of them. Part of my schedule was good. But overall, it was a mess.)

Then I did something last year that could have turned out phenomenally bad, but didn't.

I realize that there's the "When you get out into the real world, you don't get vacation!"

But you do. You can take vacation days, sick days, etc. Some jobs will even pay you for the vacation days, depending on how long you've been there, etc. Not ALL jobs, no. And how crazy stressed do people get when they don't have some down time once in a while?

Anyway. This turned into a ramble, and it wasn't meant to. But it was something that I was thinking about, and now it's out, so I suppose that much is good.