Hi. Well this is my first time here. I cant wait to see what this site offers. My main site is Gaia, but I thought it was time to look around and see other sites and what they have to offer. To my luck I have met some really nice people that have helped me with learning how this site works. There is still allot I don't understand though. But I hope over time I get it all. I guess I am so use to one way that its a bit hard for me to change.

Well I am not off on my path to learning about this place.

[FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Crimson"]It hasn't been that long since he has been gone but it feels like it has been a long time since him and I last talked...
He left to the airport when it was still Sunday night in California where I live but early Monday morning in New York where he lives.
I was breaking down a lot on Sunday because I didn't want him to be leaving... His e-mail he sent me before he left, made me cry more.
"[B][U]Subject: I couldn't leave without saying one more time... [/U][/B]
That I love you with all my heart and very soul. I am going miss you like hell. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. I know this won't help too much saying it, but I at least wanted to say this with our Anniversary coming up. You mean the world to me. If I ever lost you I would be devastated. In fact, right now I am devastated. Just punched my bed for a good minute, bunny didn't see of course I don't want him getting scared. You just mean so much to me and I hate leaving like this. I LOVE YOU. <3<3<3<3<3 God couldn't even make me stop love you. Try not to be too sad, don't lose your head. I'll be back! back and better than ever! Beelze 2.0! The XP edition! I love you kitty. I will talk to you... not when I talk to you... but soon! <3<3<3<3"
That was his e-mail and that night for me was hard... I couldn't really sleep at all. I broke down a lot on Monday as well. My mother thought it seemed rediculous by the look on her face. She doesn't seem to understand what it is between Beelze and I that keep our love so strong. He and I may have our little fights here and there but we work it all out and things get better. The first time him and I decided to be together, almost two years ago... It wasn't as hard of him leaving for two weeks to go to Puerto Rico, but this time... It is a lot harder for me.. I hear his voice every night and he is the one who can calm me... But so far I have gone two nights without hearing him and still no contact from him. I wasn't sure if he could get a phone or not...
Our two year anniversary hits tonight around 11:59pm (June 8th) my time in California and 2:59am (June 9th) his time in New York. It is complicating and everything but it is how we decided it. Not too long we decided to be engaged to get an ex of mine off my back and not pester me about how much he still loved me. Even though Beelze and I are engaged, we don't plan to get married right away. We still have a lot we are working on in life since he is only going to be 20 on July 13th and I am only 19. He means everything to me and to be even farther apart with no contact, it just hurts my heart. Today is the only day so far since he has left that I have no broken down... Although..... I feel like crying now... I feel lost without him around.
Waiting like this, it feels like he has been gone longer than he has been already. This whole anniversary coming up just isn't the same without him online or anything.. I continually look at my friends list on AOL just to see if he will appear online even though I realize he won't be on till the 21st... I have no motivation to draw like I want to so that I do some freebies I planned to do and the orders I need to do. My music doesn't help much since a lot of it reminds me of him...

I know I am just being sad about it all but I can't help it. I worry about him a lot and his is the love of my life. He has my heart and I have his.[/COLOR][/FONT]

Ok so blogging isn't as boring as I thought it was, so I might make a new blog every week or so.

I guess ill talk a little but about my 4th of july weekend. It was kinda boring. I went to by aunts house on the lake and ate a bunch of food and crap. I got to listen to my really annoying cousin brag about how much she drinks and smokes and does drugs :roll: so that was pretty boring for the first hour. Then some of my cousins I like that dont do drugs came over so I basically hung out with them for the rest of the day. We made some videos on my cousin Hallie's video camera, the videos are pretty stupid but we still might put them up on youtube :)

The day after fourth of July (or was it the day before, i cant remember :lol:) My friend Aubrey had a bonfire and it was pretty fun I guess. Like 10 of my friends showed up and we all ended up walking around the neighborhod at 11 at night, then we remembered that there were fireworks at the golf course a few blocks away, so hung out at the street corner by taco bell and waved at cars and watching the fireworks. It was pretty fun except that most of the cars tried to ignore us :illgetu: but there was this one guy totally wasted who was driving and stook his whole head out the window and started screaming :lol: he was all "YEAHHHH!!! WOOO" so that was pretty fun :) Oh then we met this 1 sophomore walking his dog and his names Paul :) We ended up talking to him at the street corner for 2 hours, then before we realized it, it was like 1 am and Aubreys mom was calling us all "WHERE ARE YOU GUYS D<" So we had to leave :angel:

[INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][SIZE=1][B][COLOR=DarkOrange]Seiki hurts in places he never thought he could hurt. I've never worked an 8-hour shift in my life that I liked, and today was no exception. Man do I hurt. Everywhere.

It turns out my family went to the lake tonight and didn't bother to wait for me to get off of work, but that's understandable. I would have liked to go though. It would have been fun.

I go back to work tomorrow at 11. I guess I'm just going to put up with being sick and work anyways. It's not my fault they wouldn't give me a day off if the customers start getting sick. I'm just washing my hands a lot and using lots of sanitizer and hoping that that does what I need it to do to keep me from getting other people sick at work.

I'm going to go and find a movie to watch, and then I'm most likely going to bed... er.. or doing laundry. Maybe I can get my mom to do it for me if I get it ready? xD[/COLOR][/B][/SIZE]
[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT]

[SIZE="1"][I]Today has been pretty average. I woke up and was comatose for about 3 hours before the haze finally lifted. I mustered up enough energy to grab myself some chicken nuggets. It seems like lately I haven't been very hungry, and maybe that's a good thing. I could stand to be skinny. After spitefully stuffing food in my face I came onto the computer where [B]he[/B] was online. Everytime I see [B]his[/B] name on my friends list my heart flutters. I love [B]him[/B] so much. More than I've ever loved any person, and more than I probably ever will. I can't wrap my mind around how [B]he[/B] makes me feel. When I talk to [B]him[/B] I feel like I can get through another day. Lately I have been really doubting us though, because it's such a long distance relationship. I'm so terrified that [B]he[/B] will find somebody else, and it hurts. When [B]he[/B] smiles everything feels right. When [B]he[/B] tells me [B]he[/B] loves me, I know [B]he[/B] means it. I want us to work with my entire heart, and I know God is helping it in His own way. [B]His[/B] smile, mind, voice, [B]soul[/B]... everything about [B]him[/B] is perfect. I feel like I've neglected [B]him[/B] today. It was rude of me to play a video game while talking to [B]him[/B], but no matter what, I know [B]he[/B] always loves me.

Now sitting here completely alone typing out this sappy story, listening to our song, I realize things will work. There is no way on earth this can't work. I have one thing to say to you reader, you Menewsha, and to the world: I love [B]James[/B] and I don't care who knows it, who opposes it, and who doesn't think it's right.[/I][/SIZE]