Time Sure Flies

I cannot believe that it has been 7 months already since I have been seeing this man Paul! I met him in mid to late January of 2010, and we went on our first date on February 19th. He took me to see [URL="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0775489/"]The Illusionist[/URL] over at [URL="http://laurelhursttheater.com/"]The Laurelhurst[/URL], and when I first saw him, I didn't know what to think. A slightly effeminate, tiny, good looking man. I never thought then that he would want to see me naked, let alone see me again. But after the movie, things went surprisingly well. We had loads to talk about, and I discovered then that we have a lot in common. We continued talking the next day, and even now when he and I text or IM each other, I still can't get enough.

My main concern was and will be his boyfriend. Don't think that I am cheating on anyone here; it's an open relationship. To some extent, I am still not entirely comfortable with this dynamic. I think his boyfriend is funny, and sweet, and it is really odd to see that Paul and I have the same taste in men. But I still feel slightly awkward around Alex, like I am breaking some kind of rule when we are in the same room together. Add to that the fact that someone once said that "as long as he is living with his boyfriend, you will always come second." I have never been able to get that out of my head, even though when Paul and I are together it totally doesn't feel that way.

I guess I am just slightly confused. I usually invest all of myself into something like this. I am the kind of girl that gets into things for the long-haul, and usually rushes into things. But this is so different. Paul and I didn't even kiss until our fourth date, and we didn't have sex together until we had been together for 3 months.

I don't know how to handle something this great. He actually treats me like a human being; not like a piece of meat or a trophy. He doesn't try to do stupid things to impress me, and when we are together, it isn't all about sex.

I really like Paul, enough to be with him for a very long time. I know he has deep-ish feelings for me, and I know he prefers sex with girls but I am still afraid to let on [I]just[/I] how much I like him. If he rejects that idea, things wouldn't be the same. There might be that awkward air between us, because there my feelings are, but it isn't entirely reciprocated.

I think I just need to keep my standards low here, like I have been. I don't expect him to ever be anything more than himself and that is what I should continue doing. Historically, things never work out when I rush into them and something is telling me that as much as I like him, I am not entirely ready to admit just how deep those feelings are.

What I do know is that I am happy right now, and things have not been this good for some time. I want this thing I have with Paul, this very good thing, to continue and to continue on this positive trend.

Yes.