Scare yourself sushi! xD
OR hold your breath for a while. That usually works for meh.

Waterwaterwater; 8 quick sips did the trick!! Of course it always works but knowing me, I forgot about it so I had the hiccups for a long time before remembering = A=; *writes sticky note about hiccups* *sticks on wall behind monitor*

LOL cute!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Things have been kind of hectic this week for me.

lol more like fail xDD

Rosie: Completely understandable!! One can never anticipate what is to come @[email protected]

You got that right. So how have you all been?

I had an interesting experience earlier this evening. Actually it was a little strange...

I want to hear about yours!! Because I`m doing fine right now and that's about it X'D. Nothing really unusual, nothing to really note about :'D

Well I went to the lawn party this evening. It was such a nice evening for a walk. Anyways. I seen this guy and he looked familiar, but I have no clue why. I don't know him and no one that I do know looks like him. It's was kind of weird. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to talk to him. *sighs*

@BBR - Ooooohhh how intriguing!!

*nods* And on top of that he's one of the local police officers.

Plus last year around this time I was having strange dreams about a guy. I mean strange dreams. They type were you can actually feel the emotions from them.

I have those all the time; the sad ones anyways.. I always end up waking up crying. /: And it's usually like a movie type deal with love and stuff. I know I wake up angry because of the person in the dream was angry as well... I yelled at my sister on several occasions D:

Maybe he's a familiar face because you've met him when you were young or something like you've seen his face around before but never talked to him properly?

@BBR - Ohh do you believe in that spiritual kind of connection?

@ Sushi - I guess that is possible. Who knows, I won't really know for sure unless I actually talked to the guy. Though that is very doubtful with how often I get out of the house and I'm not visiting my dad and grandmother.

Like last evening I wanted to go to the lawn party and be by myself for a while. Did that happen? No because when I called my mom to let her know that I probably wouldn't be home when she got home she decided that she'd come to the lawn party as well. *sighs* I guess it can't be helped since she's over protective, but still I'm 23 and I know how to take care of myself.


@ Roachi - I kind of do. I've had dreams were some of what happened in them actually did. It's hard to say, but I know that they guy I was dreaming about I've had six or more dreams with him in them.

Oh wow, that's quite amazing. What do you feel when you see him?

The dreams make me happy and sad at the same time really. Sometimes there is a feeling of longing and others times love and desire.

The first dream I had we were in a graveyard visiting someone's grave.

The second dream we were at a house that looked very familiar yet it wasn't. It kind of looked like my grandfather's house, but it wasn't his house. We were waiting for some friends because we were going to a party.

In the one dream the guys asked me out and we had our first kiss. *sighs remembering the dream and how it felt so real* Another strange things about that dream was there were these three little boys in it and the one that I talked to I called him by one of the names I would consider naming my son if I had one.

In another he told me his name was Matt. I think that was also the one where he proposed to me.

Another one was about...well something else that would be better left unsaid, lol.


I know what you're thinking. I'm a hopeless romantic and my imagination is running away with me in my dreams.

No i'm not thinking that at all. In fact i think and dream similar things lol.
Recently i think i found my soulmate. We kinda have this connection that is just like wow ... i've never felt this way before.

That's awesome. I hope you have.
I like to believe in that sort of thing, but then again. I'm hard on myself sometimes wondering who in the world could love a person like me.

I hope so too, time will tell heh?
Why would you think that?

Originally Posted by blueblackrose

@ Sushi - I guess that is possible. Who knows, I won't really know for sure unless I actually talked to the guy. Though that is very doubtful with how often I get out of the house and I'm not visiting my dad and grandmother.

Like last evening I wanted to go to the lawn party and be by myself for a while. Did that happen? No because when I called my mom to let her know that I probably wouldn't be home when she got home she decided that she'd come to the lawn party as well. *sighs* I guess it can't be helped since she's over protective, but still I'm 23 and I know how to take care of myself.

Hmm.. Well, it would be uncommon but sometimes, when someone catches my eye on the street, I remember their face and the next time I pass by them, I feel like we've met before when really, I`ve only seen their face 2 weeks before or something :lol: I'm such a creeper xDD

:lol: Well, maybe she wanted to have fun as well? Or just didn't like the thought of you coming home after her.

@ Roachi - Yup, time will tell.
I think that sometimes, because I've never really had any friends. Up until I was in 8th grade I got picked on a lot. Even after that stopped I still didn't have many friends. I have had a few of the people I considered friends betray me. It all seems so silly, but the one person got to me. I know that they didn't really mean what they said because they were dealing with a lot and having a hard time at home. In some ways I think they were jealous of me since I have parents that care about me. They told me that I needed to learn who to treat people. This added to the fact that I have been called evil in the past didn't help. About a year after my ex-friend said that to me I had another person who I've known for years, almost since kindergarten, tell me that they never knew I was such a nice person.

When the person told me that I was like WTF. I try to be nice to people. Yeah I might be quiet most of the time and I do have a temper, which I try to control and not show it, but still what have I ever done to make people think I wasn’t a nice person? It was all so strange. It seemed like no one that I had been in the same grade with for years had ever even noticed me or how I actually am. Is it really that hard to look past the fact that I’m fat, quiet, and usually keep to myself since I was picked on and stuff. Then again maybe they finally noticed me because I was basically all alone my senior year and I’m sure that my depression was more obvious to those around me. What a hellish year that was.

Anyway I’m starting to rant about stuff. I guess to simply answer your question would be to say I’m just not sure who could love someone who has problems time to time with depression, is emotional, naïve, childish, fat and is slowly going blind. Maybe my reasoning is that I’m wavering between denying and accepting the fact that I’m going blind or maybe I just look at my flaws to closely.



@ Sushi - lol

She didn't like the thought of me walking alone since I don't drive. Though it's not like I would have walked home in the dark. I would have called her when I was ready to come home so she could come get me.

If only she knew what I did when I was at college...it was nothing for me to go out on a walk after midnight all alone. Or be out in one of the art buildings trying to get projects done. Fun times.

@BBR - Heh? So all these people just assumed you were this nasty person? They never got to know the real you? Man what kind of people were you hanging around with? Not very nice ones by the sounds of it. :(

Ohh that's pretty sad hun. I have always been a bigger girl. But i've never let that get the better of me. I mean yeah sometimes it's depressing and you think the whole world is against ya. But really it's not you with the problem it's them.

I think your selling yourself short. If you keep thinking these bad things about yourself of course your never gonna find someone. You have to be positive, because a positive attitude attracts people. I mean trust me i've been through a lot ... guys treating me like shit mainly, being teased & talked about behind my back etc etc. But i never gave up hope that there is someone special out there for me, i've just been looking in the wrong places & acting stupidly. So i got my shit together, lost a little bit of weight, started thinking more positively about myself. And wallah ... i found a guy who had been through similar issues but had come out the other side. I don't know if you believe in God, but it's like that saying ...

God only helps those, who help themselves

Not to be too blunt or anything, but it's basically the truth. If i had of sat around and did nothing & felt sorry for myself i would have ended up with bi-polar, depressed and alone. But with everything love etc it's a risk. If you want it that bad you gotta take the risk. Sometimes we fall, but just get back up again! I'm sure you have family and friends that love you and will support you and help you through it if you really wanted them too.

You seem like a sweet, honest person. And there are harsh judgmental bastards out there. But stuff them. You deserve more, you deserve the best. And you should tell yourself that! <3

-nuzzles BBR-

@ Roachi - Nope, no one really ever tried until I went to college. There were two people that did then, but we've lost touch over past few years.

I try to stay positive most of the time. Right now my family is dealing with a lot so I've become a little depressed. It's usually when I question myself the most and I'm hardest on myself and my actions. Things will be ok though. I just have to keep strong and remember what my one friend told me a long time ago.

Thank you for listening and helping. I'm glad to hear your opinion of me, it helps. Though I totally agree about the judgmental bastards. There's too many of them in the world.

Heh, to tell you the truth I have almost always prided myself with the fact that I'm different and I don't follow the crowd.


@ Mina - *hugs back*
Hello

-clings-
I have sporadic internets T_T
I'm staying at a friends for the night..... won't have internets again till Tuesday

and I still don't know when we are going home

Aww, I'm sorry about your internet. Hopefully it'll be less sporadic until then.
How have you been?