Aaeza I'll sell you back the one you sold me...

----------

*huggles Crow*

Crow... You sound exactly like me.

@ Crow: *Hugs* Poor thing.

@ Kiri: But.. I couldn't.. > > I'm sure you still want it! :gonk:

*hugs Crow* ;_; I wish no one had to go through what you went though.

I'm going to try to sign on at least once a day to see if there's PMs from my charity, but I may not be around much.

*snugs Crow* Seek help if you can afford it.

I almost threw my computer out the window last night, my phone is dead and staying dead, I'm not leaving my room for the forseeable future, haven't even left to take a piss (the wonders of having punched out your screen the night before).

That's not healthy. Do you have family to help you?

What family? -sneers kind of bitterly-

[EDIT] -rolls eyes- another one off.... but when contemplating my death page prizes are of a wee bit less importance.

Someone you can talk to? If you can't turn to your family?

But I feel bad buying it from you when you still wanted it.

I called San Francisco Suicide Prevention last night, but they were in a hurry to get me off the line. Way to help my abandonment complex, guys.

*huggles Crow* That sucks.

Where in San Fran? I could maybe introduce you to a friend?

I actually live in San Mateo, half way between SF proper and San Jose. Back in the train days it was the perfect midway stopping point between the two bustling places.

Aw, Crow. :( I really wish there was something I could do for you.

@ Kiri: :| But.. Uh~ *head desk*

I have friends in San Jose. And Fanime is in San Jose. You could come meet me?

I have some emergency survival supplies. Alcohol towelettes to clean my hands with, I ate a 'space food stick' as my food for the day.

I've attended Fanime on and off for the past handful of years. But right now, I'm not leaving my room. I don't trust myself to drive. I don't trust myself to break down into an absolute mess in front of another human being.

Babe, I think you need to visit the hospital for a bit. They don't care if you break down.

I fucking hate psych emergency. They're not made to comfort you, only contain you. They take away your shoes and your jacket and you shiver until they give you washcloths known as towels, then the 'dinner' they give you is microwaved and frozen in the middle, after a couple of hours of anxiety attacks the nurse does an intake and doesn't want to hear everything, by the time you've calmed down enough to see the psych they admit you're okay to go but it's traditional to keep you overnight, then you have to stay on a hard bed with thin blankets with a light that never goes out all the way when you have chronic pain already and whenever you try to get up and talk to someone they tell you to shut up and go back to bed.

NO.

But they can help with meds. I admit it sucks. I was in the hospital like that a week and a half ago. But they gave me meds which helped.

I already have meds. I was going to go off them but I decided against it. What's worse is the person last night, in THEIR depression end up emotionally abusing me more... kicking a wounded puppy... pushing the sword all the way through a person who has already been stabbed... and now they're suicidal:

im going to get in my car and go for a drive at night...whenit feels right i will remove my seatbelt and accelerate...and keep going and going until my life stops

So not only and I trying to hang onto shards of my identity but I might have blood on my hand....

*kisses your forehead* I know it doesn't seem like it but it will be alright.

*kisses Crows cheek*

*Hugs Crow* I know the experience of a bad psych ward experience x.x Except the doctor had me sign myself in and I didn't find out until they let me out four days later that I could have checked myself out at any point... *Grumbles*

But I hope that... god, anything I say will turn out cliche... I hate being a Creative Writing Major sometimes XD *Hugs* All I can offer is support right now.