Originally Posted by Silenia

Oh well, that's only five pages, I believe. The background information is a lot more work to translate.

lol Random orange, bolded, and underlined g?

Suona: Check post five, first page. Rainbow Letter Hunting Contest.

Liztress: Set with balloons + all shirts female = 2450g. Set with balloons and all shirts both genders = 3550g.

So, 5000 for a female set and a set with the male and female shirts. That isn't so bad.

Ooh. I see, then.

No problem, Su. :)
Liz: I believe it's 6k, dear.
2450+3550=6k. ;)

It is. :/ Silly brain of mine.

-hugs- You're just tired, dear.

*hugs back* Probably so. But I haven't done a third of what you've been doing.

Liz, to be honest, I feel like I am sleeping or as if someone has filled my head with cotton.
Be glad you haven't been doing as much as I - it makes me insane, and I'd rather not see others become insane.

Well, I hope you get a chance to wind down and relax some. No one wants to see you go insane.

It's just a matter of how insane I am, for it's not without reason that one of my most used nicknamed is Silly.

Well, we don't want any men in white coats locking you up in a padded room.

Neither do I. No need for psychiatrists.
And I don't want any of that so called "help" from psychologists either... those never did anything but breaking me down further in the first place.

Never been to one but they do seem like they would do more harm than good.

I avoid those kinds of things if I can help it. *Shudders*

Hello Sayomi. How are you?

Pretty good, at a dry part of my game so I'm haunting the site a bit. How are you?

I am good.

Sayomi: As do I. Unfortunately, there have been a few times where I could not avoid it.

Tell me, how can someone that has lived a sheltered life understand what it's like to be bullied for more than eight years of your life? How can they understand what it feels like to have been suffering from depression for more than half of your life? What would they know about the feelings you have when you see your best friend falling down, deeper and deeper? How can they understand why in the past, I cut myself? They just look at checklists and all they see is a cut and immediately they assume it's a punishment for something you feel you have done wrong. How could they understand that if you have the choice between cutting and not doing so, it's not the choice between evil and good... how could they understand that that which made me seem ill in their opinion was that which saved my life?
It's not always the choice between the best and the second best. It's not always a choice between being happy or depressed, a choice between good or bad. Sometimes it's a choice between two greater evils. But how can they see that by doing what I did, I did not bring myself further down but used the only means available to me to safe my life another day? Same for smoking. I rather smoke and die from lungcancer fifty years from now than not smoking, having no way to release my stress and end my own life during one of the worse times of depression. I choose to live, even though all they see is me ruining my health. I ruin my health so that my body can continue another day. Tell me, does that condemn me? Does that make me stupid?

They are so blind. They think to know what I feel, what I have gone through and they think that by commenting on my bad habits, they can help me.

I don't think it makes you stupid. You do what you have to for the sake of making it through the day. Everyone has things they do to relieve stress; some drink or do drugs or what have you. :/ I hate that they think they know everything.

And at least the things I do, do not physically hurt others. Yes, everytime I fall back on cutting - a habit mostly in the past - I see how people are hurt. If only they could see what I see. I am not ashamed of my scars, or afraid of them, yet I have to cover them in fear of scaring or hurting people.
So I started smoking. Doesn't help quite as much, still gets me comments, but at least it's a habit more accepted by society. I just wish that people would not be shocked every time they see a scar. Replacing my mind's pain by physical pain - if you could even call it pain - works a lot better than inhaling smoke, but so be it. I cannot be myself in a close-minded society, and yet they think that I should be myself more... but everytime I am myself, show even a small part behind the masks, I scare people. I have seen too much for someone my age, I guess. But how can they almost order me to be myself yet not at the same time? Am I supposed to be shocked by hearing of someone that had sex when they were fifteen if I myself was two years younger? Am I supposed to hate gays and lesbians while I am bisexual myself? Am I supposed to condemn those that steal something out of desperation when I have seen that process in several of my friends? Am I supposed to be myself... or am I supposed to wear a mask? How dare they try to pull my mask off if they don't WANT to see who I am behind it?

Most people only want you to be yourself if there's something they can gain from it, in some form. :(

I guess you are right. Somehow I still try to see the best in most people, even if I know that so often I will get disappointed.

One of the most annoying things is that there are all kind of rumors about me at school. Not that I mind that so much, except that it means that some of the people I thought I could trust, I apparently cannot trust.

One of my former classmates asked if I really have cut myself in the past. Didn't believe me when I said that it's true. Showed them a few scars. A week later, she comes to me and says she was shocked to see them. Goddamnit, don't ask if you don't want to know. Argh.

Oh well.

Thanks for your support. <3

Clair is back! :D

A lot of people do have good in them, they just act retarded when they're presented with the chance to do something good. And I hate rumors. They're more trouble than the breathe wasted on them.

And it's no problem. *hugs* I wish I could be of more support to you.

Hello Clair!