Kids from rougher homes tend to have different priorities than those from "in tact" homes. It can sometimes make it more difficult to relate to peers, which is why they appear more mature. I was that kid. Just give her time when she actually does act her age. xDDD

Ugh, statistics. I'm brushing up on that component of the exam before calling it quits.

Well she has her moments where she shows she's still a kid. When she was telling her band director to judge her old school 'not as harsh' and to judge them for what they really are, not what they look like. She was trying her utmost to sound sincere but I'm like "Uhh, Pam, that's what they have judging criteria for and they take that into consideration...". She was like "Oh.". *grins*

Then she was having an off moment the other week about her cellphone and acting dramatic and I reminded her we have internet and phone and there are ways of getting in touch with people which didn't involve her cellphone her mom got her. But those moments aren't too often, thank goodness. She feeds the animals and lets them out before school, she does her homework when she gets home and has it done before dinner most nights and she does the majority of the dishes without expecting any sort of allowance. Aaron feels really bad but it's like she knows that we're still trying to balance things out. She'll usually ask for a few treats at the grocery store between $5-10 (we're talking like snacks, or maybe a treat drink like a bottle of vitamin water to take on the bus.) This past week she asked for a new razor, and wanted to buy the dirt cheap kind until I showed her how to get a name brand one on sale and with coupons that would normally cost $7 for $3.

Occasionally she'll talk about things she wants for Christmas, but unlike her brother she knows when it's a good time to bring it up and when not...where he will drop it whenever he pleases. Heh.

She says she feels more comfortable around older people than people her own age and says she doesn't care for drama. I think she's struggling like the normal teen to find friends but the whole 'blow up' was over her asking her friend for more info on some friend of theirs to see if she knew them and the friend got annoyed and stormed off after she tried to explain she wasn't trying to be nosy, she was just genuinely interested if she knew the kid.

---------- Post added 10-10-2013 at 09:19 PM ----------

Oh and did I tell you right now she's all As and one B right now in class? I really am hoping she maintains it. Last night I was giving her studying tips on how to remember facts for essays. Then her teacher let them use their class notes, and since she was really good about note taking she think she did really well.

But she's like why do we need to know why it was important that Rome had aquaducts. When I started explaining that running water means less disease because they have ways of keeping themselves clean and more advanced toilets she was like oh that makes sense. Trying to show her how natural disasters could play into them having trouble trying to increase their troops in their army. One city lost 50,000 people in an earthquake in 3rd century BC and I was trying to help her link why these things could kind of offset one another. She thought I remembered a lot about the Roman Empire and I told her really all I remember is Ceaser, and then Nero was fiddling on the roof while his city burned. Other than that and Pompeii...a lot of things are sketchy. I told her though that they're trying to teach you about history and how not to repeat it, but also more importantly how to tie ideas together to write a piece on it and how you may have to do something similar in a working environment except for like your dad may need to write an email to someone to tell them why a certain skid they're running is short - they have to tie past events together in a coherent report. No one will want to know what you remember from the Roman Empire, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy learning something outside of your own little bubble there.

Tonight is one of those "extra cup of coffee" nights. I'm almost positive I failed my exam, and I am a bouncing mix of indifferent, upset, and enraged. Cole's making it worse, without intending to. I'm going to get cracking on the to-do list I've not had time to do due to studying for weeks.

I need to get some stuff up on eBay, so I should probably do that tonight as it's mindless button pushing. >_>

Do you guys have the house to yourselves yet, or will that be tomorrow?

Yep! Pam was dropped off with her mom at 5 today. Ohh god was her mom mad. She made a beeline straight to the car and shoved in paperwork from Pam's Physical Therapy for her knees. Her 'insurance' she took out on the kids only covered 10 cents of 2.5k for all 6 sessions and doctor's visits...yah. She demanded we pay the bill and said she was taking Aaron to court for all the unpaid medical bills. She seems to think on the 30th she's going to demand he pay the medical bills right there, but the meeting is solely to discuss child support. She even admitted to me that she had talked with the courts in front of Pam and then tried to argue she never agreed to nulling child support.

Apparently Aaron says the gloves are off and he will now file for reversal of custody if she doesn't go easy on this next court visit. He talked about fighting for Tristan as well...it sounds like the next few months might get really ugly. Aaron says there's a chance if we go for both kids she will snap. He thinks it is more likely she will commit suicide, but he said she may try to pull a gun on either me or him. He's now saying he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to go up with him to meet to swap kids in case she does lose it and tries something....

Anyways, lets add more stress onto my pile, right?

For now, Aaron and I have tonight and tomorrow to spend with each other and we're going to have a little 'party' at home, and light a bowl. Then he's going clean for a long while...until maybe the next time we have a kidless weekend. It may be a few months...who knows.

Anyways, I'm sorry to hear about your test going badly. :( I hope you start feeling better soon!! Hang in there, and if nothing else be thankful you don't have some of the drama I have going on right now. I envy you and your family...it would be so much better without the ex in the picture....

I'm not sure if I have a sign that just says "This Person has It Together", but it's alienating when others assuming everything is great and envious. It's not. I just... don't rant often. I have plenty of struggles, in marriage, family, finances, and work. I usually go quiet when others have "bigger" complaints because I can usually deal with my own. Yet when I'm actually in a bad place it usually doesn't end well for me in terms of getting support. *shrug* Take that as you will. If I actually listed everything I'm struggling with at the moment I'm wondering if you wouldn't have said "be thankful you don't have".

That being said, if you guys think she's going to snap, say it to the courts. She isn't well, and you could both end up hurt or worse. It's unsettling, and there's too much shit going on.

I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean it to be a snap at you...I know you have a lot of stress going on, and it isn't like you're having to trudge through some hard times. I'm envious of you though as you're so close to getting certifified for work and you have a healthy daughter with your husband. I know you've worked your butt off to get where you are, though, and I've pretty much landed myself in my situations and I have myself to thank for it...

Argh, I'm sorry I'm currently struggling to form anything coherent that makes sense right now. I'm really trying to forget a lot of what's going on and trying to enjoy that both my husband and I have the night off together and can spend it with eachother like old times. That being said, I've had some but not enough to really let go.

I'm sorry though...I really hope I haven't pissed you off. I'll try to reign it in with my bitching. Let me think of some different things to talk about.

Oh speaking of which...nothing from work. I need to check my work email in case they just emailed me the information. I did give them my cell and request they call me...*shrugs* I'll let you know what comes of that if you're interested.

The weekend is going to fly by too quickly. If you can, go spend time with him and forget about the mess for now. You haven't pissed me off.

Maybe they're waiting until Sunday, or maybe they didn't follow through... it's hard to say. Unnerving either way. ><;

Yeah it is, tell me about it...I checked my email later, and nothing. I got several emails saying 'you got a top score' and another kudos call I don't even remember...I guess they got behind. It's showing I'm slowly getting the knack of things.

I'm up for the moment...probably not for much longer. (Crap, I got caught up in everything that I never did check Animal Crossing for the day...heh, ok no biggie.) Last night was 'meh'. With everything going on it's very difficult for me to 'let go'.

I sat and thought about the whole difficulty this 'ex factor' (bad pun, yes) is. With Pam here (and with a kid, period, whether you're dealing with an ex) you feel this extra pressure to not to fail -- making sure all their needs are met. Then you add an ex-husband/ex-wife in the picture you feel even more pressured as you're trying to keep one up on them and making sure that there isn't something they can try to use towards your disadvantage. For example, I've already had this talk with Pam and she agrees -- there's to be no talk of any physical ailments with her mom. She puts such a high priority on that type of shit that she would read into it and think that her daughter's life might be in danger and try to get CPS involved. I may be over thinking it, but one she has openly admitted she has a vendetta against Aaron (and me as I'm seen as a threat), and she honestly thinks she's doing 'what's best' for her children in her head. Now also factoring in my whole job insecurity, if I were to lose it...it's going to be hard to adjust and move on, but then I have this added fear that if say we did struggle to make ends meet and lost our place she's going to swoop in and try to get Pam back any way she knows how, regardless if it would do her more harm by yanking her from us.

This is all shit I'm going to bring up to the counselor, and I've talked with my neighbor and the counselor has children and she is really passionate about children and making sure they have what they need to be healthy/happy...I'm also going to see if I can get Pam in to talk with same counselor, too, as the neighbor has said that if the counselor feels it is necessary she will write a recommendation on what she feels is right for the mental well being of said kid. Pam has told us yes she misses her friends, but all in all she honestly prefers to be with us over her mother. She says the school she's slowly adjusting too since her friends are not there but in talking with her she's slowly trying to branch out and make friends and in time I think it won't bother her as much. Not only that, but she has gone from really struggling in school to having all As and Bs, thanks to a few different factors. Talking with Tristan, he's getting bullied at school even more and he's also failing two of his classes. We would like to allow the kids to still maintain contact with their mother, as long as she isn't detrimental to their health....

Our next concern will definitely be Tristan. She's switched from 2nds to 3rds to be there more for him but it ends up being at most an hour or two of time and her boyfriend (who hates children, doesn't get along with either of them) spends the majority of his time out of school with him. Tristan has been doing poorly educationally speaking for some time, but now he's left alone with that 'boyfriend' of hers and missing her sister...Meantime, his mother is filling his head with a load of bullshit that 'daddy doesn't love him as much as Pam' and other false realities.

I talked with Aaron's mom quite a bit today, in fact she rode up with me to pick up the kids (while Aaron took a nap), and she's just as concerned for Tristan's wellbeing and thinks (just like I do) that even though his mother loves him and that kid is 'her baby' she is detrimental to his development. Since he has that Poland's syndrome, from day one she has coddled him and been very overprotective of him and Aaron's mom is like she told Pam as just a little girl that 'she had to take care of him'. I'm afraid he's going to hit 18 and find himself struggling to find his own identity, and be a successful and happy individual. I know he's going to be a project and a half to get him back on track to succeeding in school...I think in the right hands, though, he could do it...

Anyways, with the prospect of losing both kids possible, that ex will most likely spiral into a deep depression. She really struggled when Pam left, she will struggle even harder with both kids. She's justified her existence through those children, and I think secretly that's all she really set out for in life and thought that by getting pregnant by someone she would have everything she wanted in life. The relationship between her and Aaron just never was meant to be, and I think she's tried to do what she thought was best for those kids but I think we have enough witnesses to attest that she really isn't and quite frankly had no business having children to begin with.

The only cautions I give is that the counselor may end up calling CPS as she's mandated. Only disclose the really nasty stuff if you're prepared for someone to possibly step in. Maybe it has to happen. It would likely feel safer, as she's a loose cannon...

Yeah...Aaron is trying to get me to just forget he even said he thinks she would snap and to definitely not repeat it elsewhere. I know she is very much emotionally charged, upset, and so far has done everything she can to make everyone involved miserable. If her best interest was for the children's sake, she wouldn't argue about petty crap in front of them like she does....unless she honestly thinks that getting them involved they will side with her? Right now Pam is honestly just the opposite.

(Edit: The thing is he said this whole theory in the car with his mom present, and said it has a 'very little chance happening, but I want to prepare you both mentally in case it does happen...that I trust both of you to step in and pick up where I left off with the kids. They'll need you...')

Anyways, I'm trying to enjoy my day off. Not sure what will happen tomorrow with my Job. Luckily it's a 3 hour day, so I guess either way it will be short. Something tells me they just may say no again, so I'm trying to prepare myself for that outcome.

So far today has been beautiful outside. Kind of wish I planned something outdoors while the weather is so nice. You guys doing anything fun over the weekend?

I'm wondering if it would be more helpful to sit down with Aaron, bring that conversation up again, and try something more proactive than letting it happen. He doesn't seem the type to over-exaggerate. Or at least make a plan. Once someone's hurt, they're hurt, and there's no going back from it. If it's going to get nasty, get help before it does. It sounds silly perhaps, but when you look at the news, it seems to happen enough...

Nothing much is going on over here. I have a chicken taco chili going in the crockpot, and I'll bake bread later. Cole's doing laundry. At some point we're going to hook up the Wii and the N64 in the bedroom. I changed the piggies' cage, and the downstairs is ready to be vacuumed once Terra gets up from her nap. Then I guess it's just more cleaning. O_o

It's not like Aaron to over-exaggerate or to bring something up like that unless he honestly thought it was a possibility. I guess my worry is who would we tell, and go about it correctly? She's had Aaron at edge for years, but it was typically just him worried that she would try to deny him visitation and the kids were too little to really understand what's going on. Now that they're the age they're at, she's getting a lot of pressure from both of them that they want to go to Dad's, that they love him and me...and I think she's hurt because neither kid has ever liked her boyfriend and it's gotten to the point where if I go up with Aaron I am to stay in the car. It's something that was demanded of her, and just Friday when I said something to Aaron's mom about not being allowed out of the car and really unsure the whole reason as to why (just to prepare her for the fact I was staying put, and away from her to keep her from having an overreation) Pam interjected that she feels threatened by me and really gets upset when I hug or kiss either child. I can understand to a point...as the thought of her boyfriend having any physical interaction makes me feel easy, but I have never ever forced either child....it was typically brought on by them. At first they were really iffy about showing either one of us love or affection in front of mom, but Tristan has literally ran across the parking-lot to make a beeline to give me a hug without me prompting him in any way.

When we dropped the kids off I was in the car, with the window pretty much rolled up 2/3rds of the way and my plan was to stay put...Even Aaron's mom attested to Aaron and myself that she saw her very much 'on a mission' and when she saw Aaron wasn't there I was her next target. The way the woman looked at me made my heart beat wildly and I felt like I was going to be physically ill as I was worried at any point she would of gotten nasty. She did start yelling at me, and using very hostile body language and tone of voice. I'm glad I had the car door between me and her...lets just say that. Pam even came over and told mom to settle down and said it's OK guys, lets go mom I want to go spend time with you. Then she walked over to the car and through the window apologized profusely for what happened and told me to try and enjoy my weekend with dad. I feel really horrible for her, as she really does believe a lot of what's happened lately negatively is her doing...a good portion of why I want her to go to the counselor, to let it out...and let the counselor reassure her that it isn't anything she has actually done, and like I've told her time and time again I harbor no ill will towards any child...I really do love them, I just struggle with my depression and anxiety and if I have had enough and know my presence will be toxic I will go in the bedroom and not try to let it get to anyone else.

*sighs* I don't mean to go on and on, but it feels therapeutic just to type it out...to get it out, and to feel like someone else is reading it. It's a lot of heavy stuff, I know...and I really wish that other people before they decided to get physically intimate at all could know how badly everyone is effected, including innocent kids, when it comes to hostile divorces like this.

I'm definitely going to talk about this with the counselor when I see her in about a little over a week (I may call this week and ask they somehow get me in sooner...) as it is a major part of what's got me struggling. The job...eh I know if I lost it if it were just me and Aaron we would figure something out...it may not be ideal, but we would get by. With the whole aspect of the kids it just feels like the stakes are higher.
------------------------------ (not sure what the coding is for line break, sorry)

Anyways, it sounds like you're keeping yourself busy. How is Terra taking to the new pets? Is she being gentle, or have you had to kind of coach her with how to handle them? I know little kids tend to be a little more rough on animals without even really realizing. I hope they're working out for everyone and she's happy with them.

That chilli sounds delicious... Wish you could send some my way. I think we may just have finger food for a second night in a row, and may eventually get some dishes done. I've gotten the laundry washed (including Pam's as she left a mountain in her bathroom and Thursday night was freaking out she wasn't going to have clean pants for school, nor the time to wash them.) and just need to sit down and fold it.

I've started playing the new Pokemon a bit and so far I'm pretty impressed. The whole graphics over haul is a really nice touch. I think I may play that a bit more today. I could use to do some more cleaning but this is suppose to be a weekend off from the normal grind.

The chili was good. It's very easy to make, too. It's the effort of chopping an onion and opening up some cans. Win! I managed to get the bread done (rising on the counter), so I'm plowing through my weekend to-do list. I need to get in touch with Mom regarding Monday. Cole and I have work but Terra's daycare is closed. I'll see if my grandmother wants me to bring her in or if she wants us to stay home.

Cole did the laundry, so yay! As soon as I take a short rest I'm going to take care of the clutter upstairs. I doubt I'll have the gumption to dust and vacuum, but hopefully! I should just say screw it and not bother, but the upstairs is really bad. Mostly Terra's room, but still...

Hope you get a nap in. Sounds like you could use a break. Our bedroom back here is needing badly to be cleaned, and this weekend would be the perfect opportunity...but Aaron and I really needed a weekend to blow doing what we wanted to do. It seems like the weekends when Tristan comes down we can't really tackle any projects and then the weekends he's here we have Pam so it's like we need to spend some time with her.

I think if anything gets done...It should be the dishes, as they're getting kinda piled up and we're going to need the kitchen cleaned by the time Pam is back so we can make dinner once again. Last night and it looks like the same for tonight we're just kinda in a bachelor type mood and we just eat when we want who cares kinda mood. When there's kids around even if you're not hungry you feel this obligation to cook for their sake. Part of me misses having so much free time without having kids around as it's nice to just do things in your own time. That being said, I think Pam is much happier with us and knowing that makes it worthwhile.

I always cook regardless (or Cole does), but more so with kids it does feel necessary. I think we always cook anyway because I'm quick to get sick otherwise.

I said screw it to cleaning the upstairs. I'm too tired. x_x

Ahh and it's probably difficult to find things to eat on the fly unless you home cook them cause of the gluten intolerance?

I have been eying the dishes everytime I walk by them today...Can't bring myself to touch them. Just really not motivated. I could really use a day during the weekend where everyone pitches in and helps get some basic cleaning done. It just gets done so much faster as a team effort. The problem is getting everyone on board with me...heh.

I'm fortunate that Cole is on board almost anytime I am. It makes things easier, for sure.

Yep, it's because of the gluten intolerance, but also for health concerns in general. Even the packaged gluten-free stuff is pretty bad in terms of additives and chemicals.

Most prepackaged anything is pretty horrid for you, gluten free or not. That's probably why I spend a lot of the time feeling ripped up is for eating crap like that. I've really cut down my typical breakfast and lunch to a carnation instant breakfast. It isn't the best thing to eat but lately during the work week I haven't been feeling up to eating much of anything. At the very least I can get some of the vitamins/nutrients I need through a package of that in soy milk.

I just checked my email and still nothing back, no phone calls either. My old manager is no longer with us tomorrow, and I haven't gotten any email as to team assignments and quite frankly not sure where I'm going or reporting to for next week. Everyone on my team has been rehomed, and I'm curious if they've heard back yet and if my circumstances could be why I'm once again 'floating'. It isn't like I can't do my day to day job but I don't have someone to report to if I have major tech issues or have to call in due to personal reasons. I also don't get daily updates, or have any one on ones or meetings while I'm floating. The last time my boss was out for the week due to personal reasons my scores took a nose dive, and I'm concerned they may go down a bit as I'm not being informed and just kind of on my own. *shrugs* At this point I'll just come in and do what I can do.

Aaron already has fallen asleep about a half hour ago. I guess by the time he wakes up I'll be asleep. It wasn't a bad weekend, but I'll be honest and say I still felt stressed out and Aaron still felt a bit distant. We kind of sat in the same room and played our games cohabitating but there was very little time we actually spent interacting. I might wake him up here shortly as he shouldnt be sleeping until much later in the evening and I would like just a little bit longer to spend with him before things go back to the current 'normal'.

I think there are studies linking crappier foods to higher depression rates, too. I know I get generally blah when I've not eaten well for a few days straight. Reminds me I need to get in touch with the local farm for more milk and veggies. The guinea pigs are rabid for greens. xD

At some point (probably now) I should start my ACA Navigator training. I'll probably put away Terra's laundry and sort things out to get the gaming systems set up in the bedroom first. Probably shouldn't have purchased a Wii U, but my friend sold his bundle for dirt cheap. I put the games up on eBay that we're unlikely to play, so we'll see what all sells. Gotta say, it's nice to actually get back into gaming. It's been far too long.

Yeah my mom has been harping on me that all my depression/anxiety issues are linked to eating shitty foods and not getting the nutrients I need. She's totally active in this non-GMO project, which I'm on board with too, but she's like you gotta eat organic food. First off it's pretty damn costly. I've gone grocery shopping with her and it adds up fast. I'm hoping to eventually be able to order some more tangy tangerine...even if you are eating like crap that has all the nutrients you need in a powdered form and my dad swears by it. It's about $50 a tub, and that's really only about a month's supply for one person...So it adds up. Aaron wants to get everyone taking it.

That's awesome about the Wii U. Got to let me know if you'd recommend getting one or not. We never jumped on ship for it...after the Wii and only having a handful of worthy titles...we thought it would be pretty gimmicky as well. I still have a 3DS and there has been some stellar titles that have come out in the past few months. Definitely would recommend that.

Oh...That ACA....I've been told some pretty negative things about it. That it's pretty expensive. I'm curious...also it doesn't begin until next year, doesn't it? I'm worried when Aaron goes to his court date on the 30th that he might be mandated to get the children temporarily insured until his insurance kicks in...He seems to think the only thing they will talk about is reassessing child support...I'm really nervous/anxious about the whole thing. I can't wait for it to be over with and to finally find out the court's stance on the whole situation. Aaron seems fairly confident it will go in our favor, but when I started asking him information about our own insurance (the insurance he said was $240 a month for the whole family) he told me he was just pulling numbers out of his ass and he has no idea. I woke him up last night to talk through it, as it's been bothering me, and he just got really annoyed with me and told me it didn't concern me as they're only going to go after him. Yes...but whatever they decide will impact me as I live in the same household as him. :/ He seems to think if it goes 'really bad' he will apply for assistance. Where, he didn't say...I don't know, Chi. Once again more things to try to cram into an hour long session with the counselor.

I wouldn't recommend one yet, but only because the game choice is little right now. Once more games are out, I'd recommend it. The price was seriously so low that we jumped on even knowing the game choice was less.

I agree with the 3DS. I'm very happy with mine.

I'll be able to answer more of your ACA questions once I get through the training. Some have been able to get health coverage for $40 a month, depending on income. Some things made me curious that I'll PM you about later, probably through FB. (:

With foods, organic is indeed best, but like you, we don't go all organic because it's so expensive. I will say that whole foods, regardless of being organic or not, are far better for you than something man-made. What's your weekly food budget, if you don't mind sharing?

We budget $200 a week, but some weeks are cheaper if I meal plan right. This week's bill was under $120, and we're having baked ham with veggies tonight, the chicken taco chili last night, cheeseburger pie, meat soup, spaghetti bolognese... all homemade. Pre-packaged stuff tends to be more expensive than home cooked, too. Not all, but a lot of it. Packaged TV dinners and pizzas are definitely way more expensive now than they were a few years ago.

Right now...What I try to do is set aside about $200 each week and that goes for gas/groceries/pam's lunch and anything else like Aaron's tubes and tobacco. Typically $50 gets him through the week in gas, Pam gets about $15 a week for her lunches, and then Aaron is left with the remaining to do grocery shopping and his tubes/tobacco which never cost him more than $10 and he says that he doesn't have to buy it weekly...

So about $125 for groceries. We've spent a bit more the previous weekend...about $50 more. This weekend we only spent about $50 but we didn't buy any staples so Aaron will have to go out again and restock. We still have a couple of whole chickens, a couple pounds of ground beef, a couple pounds of ground turkey and I still think we have some porkchops in the freezer. He just has to buy things to accompany those, I think. Just any veggies/sides he's going to use with that.

We try to make better decisions when it comes to food. We'll still pick up things ocassionally like Pop Tarts or Toaster Strudels for Pam. We've tried to keep healthier things like oatmeal and decent cereal. We tried to get her on the carnation instant breakfasts. The problem is she always says she 'doesn't have enough time' or she 'feels sick to her stomach' and doesn't want to eat anything in the mornings. Ocassionally she'll heat up oatmeal, but it's all the garbagy breakfast crap she keeps asking for. We have tried to compromise, but more often than not she will just not eat at all and then eat pizza or some other processed garbage they serve there. I would ideally like her to take a lunch, since the 'healthy' option the salad bar is also the most expensive they have and according to her nothing looks very fresh and edible. She keeps on saying she doesn't have time to go to her locker to get her lunch and she can't carry her lunch bag with her. At her defense, the school has a no-backpack policy and she's having to typically carry a couple of books and an overstuffed trapper keeper around with her.

That's another thing as well...she's been having muscle cramps/spasms because of the heavy load she carries on that shoulder and also the position she sleeps in at night isn't helping matters. Grandma said she thinks if she changes some habbits she won't be hurting anymore. Pam wants to see a doctor, but I told her I don't think there's anything they can do that she can't without subjecting her to a bunch of tests/screenings and even then I don't think she'd be better off. I'm hoping that Dad can talk to her more on it and get her to try some stuff. I do want to see her get in for a checkup as soon as insurance kicks in, but if we can help her get that so that it's not effecting her sooner I would like to. She will randomly start twitching saying her skin hurts like a sunburn on her shoulder and woke me up one evening late at night as she said the pain was worse than normal. She made it sound at skin level, but there's no marks, discoloration, or anything and the only thing I knew to try is to get the solaricane out and spray her shoulder. She said it was a very temporary relief. :/

I think she knows though that without insurance it's stupidly expensive to be seen for anything and this issue with her shoulder isn't life threatening and it seems to be just randomly it bugs her. I've got Aaron with that tooth that's still bothering him, and I've got my own issues that need to be checked out at the doctor. We're building a laundry list before we can go. :/

---------- Post added 10-13-2013 at 12:05 PM ----------

Oh and for dinners, Aaron tries to keep it fairly healthy too. He doesn't use much prepackaged food. Maybe ocassionally a side like rice a roni or some mac and cheese. He cooks his meets, and he tries to lower the sodium and fat used in cooking them. He'll wash the beef off once he browns it for example. He also tries to use fresh veggies whenever he can. He doesn't care for frozen, and canned is so saturated in sodium and just bleh.

It sounds like overall you guys try to stay away from the processed mess. It's almost too difficult to keep away from it completely. >>;

Hopefully you'll get more answers after the meeting (I sent you another FB message with ideas). When is the date? I forgot...

I'm not seeing the counselor until the 22nd. She is off one day due to doctor's appointment and so she's very booked for this week. That being said, I've asked that they contact me if she does have an opening for the evening sometime.

In the meantime Pam got back from her mom's house. Her mom's boyfriend apparently told her if she didn't want to live there, then she had no business visiting them. Apparently he's been pulled aside and if he has a problem with it he is to leave the house when she visits. Then, to top it off he broke Pam's mouse for her laptop...her mom went and bought a new one. He's been drinking heavily at the house lately, and it's been getting worse. :/

I've edited a lot of what I previously said. I thought about deleting everything. Just once again feeling anxious. I think it's time for me to get on medication...Just have to get through a couple more months. In the meantime pray nothing goes seriously wrong.

*sighs deeply*

See, stuff like that is why I'd call on behalf of Tristan. It's dodgy. x_x

I was curious about medication, but I didn't want to bring it up until you did. Much as I dislike meds, from just seeing online posts and stuff I think you've gone deeper than you were before you went cold turkey. You seem to run at a consistent down with tiny bits of okay in between. I dunno the last time I saw you happy, even briefly.