It seems we've been doing that a lot this winter. xD

Man I'm wanting to collect some more purple commons. The collection bug has bitten me, however I'm loosing patience on wanting to save money...Most of the stuff I have on my list is just way too expensive.

---------- Post added 02-25-2013 at 08:48 PM ----------

Too expensive on CI/EI list, and on the rare NPC items and auctioneer items. ;(

I don't have much gold right now. I have some extras, but not 2012s, which seem to be wanted more. I just couldn't bring myself to be active much. Same for the items I'm missing. This V-Day event was the first I've actively worked at in at least a year. I got all the rares on my own through the card game. I usually pay gold for the others.

I figure if I find the items, I do. If I don't, oh well. I've kinda wanted to get back into Gaia, but it's the case of being too far behind and completely unable to keep up unless I were sincerely rich. They have too many items going everywhere. Then again that site has progressed to the point it's unlikely most COULD get all the items anyway.

Gaia has seemed to have gotten too big for its britches. I tried it out at its peak, and I wasn't blown away as I found it too busy and uninviting. Mene has always had something very special going on for it. I found it by complete accident. Someone had put a banner for it on another forum thread I happened to be perusing for some reason I've very much forgotten. Now I can't seem to give it up. I have gone on long hiatuses when I feel the need, but I love coming back. I wish some of the other people I talked to I could get back in touch. I miss Steel, but I know she's been keeping herself busy and looks to be doing pretty good for herself. I have her on facebook. :)

I'm never ever going to catch up here, but I've caught up from the multiple hiatuses as far as CIs and EIs go, and now it's still those very first. At 80k+ for just a single item, though, I find myself not as motivated. In fact the NPC SNGS are insanely expensive for some and I don't think I'll be real motivated. If a competition like the GBA or Questers Raffle, or just something along those lines...I'd definitely take a crack at it.

In the meantime, I still like collecting and hoarding my pixels. ;D

I can see what you mean about Gaia feeling uninviting. If it felt better, I imagine I'd be more active within it, hey? I used to be, but that was back when I RPed daily. Now, much like Steel, I'm just not as free as I used to be. Sometimes I'm okay with that and other times I'm completely the opposite.

I wasn't on at all last night, for example, because of class. I got home around 7:40 and Terra and I went to bed within forty minutes. :/

Eww having to come straight home and straight to bed is no fun. I like some time to unwind. Otherwise it's kinda...depressing?

Speaking of RPing, I'm thinking about giving it a shot. Trying to see who is willing to help over in the RP section.

Oh, it is so depressing. I'm feeling it. Though truthfully I have much more anxiety than depression right now.

I miss RPing, but I know I don't have the time.

Shit went down today that I don't even know how to explain in a way that makes sense. It's schooling stuff.

*sends some virtual hugs Chi's way*

You don't have to explain it, but if you want to I'm here to listen. I know anxiety and depression very well. Speaking of which, Aaron is going through a nasty spell himself. I'm waiting for him to come home as I think we need to have another heart to heart. He's been VERY distant emotionally and finally he texted me this morning as he figured out that what his issue is is he's very depressed over our situation and feeling helpless. That's how I've been feeling myself, but I found some aspect of my life I'm trying to focus on and improve...and it's helped me tremendously. Now it's my turn to help him work out of his funk he's in.

I'm not sure how to explain it without going on for "pages and pages", but the long and the short of it is, due to a university error I've been doing a portion of my internship hours wrong, and they won't count. What could have been caught 8 weeks ago wasn't, and I'm beyond disenchanted with everything right now.

I'm glad he came to the realization and opened up. If you guys are both feeling helpless, take it and use it for motivation to move forward. <3

Wow you look like a woman scorned in that avvie, Chi. O.O

That really sucks about them not counting your time. It seems kinda stupid that because it wasn't done right that it doesn't count. I mean I guess it's a documentation thing? Still that's really shitty. I guess you have to just take it as personal time you've put forth and hopefully something was gained by that time. Maybe not the credits needed for your degree/certification, just more time under your belt? *shrugs*

Aaron seems to be in a better mood now since he's got home. I think now that he's finally figured it out he's feeling a bit better about it all. I'm just here to listen and I'm trying to be as supportive as I possibly can.

In the meantime, I'm watching him painfully play Rocksmith on 360....I tried to go in the other room as he was getting so frustrated with learning powerchords....I tried to go hiding in the bedroom, but he's like no no stay. -_- I hate watching him get frustrated, but at the same time he wants to get better. Struggling through it really is the only way he's going to build up the muscle memory. It's a shame he waited so long in his life before trying to pick up a musical instrument. I had a little bit of lessons, but I have no desire...plus the metal strings really rip up my fingertips.

The reason it's bad is because due to their error and misinformation, if I don't go into full overdrive from now until August, there is a solid chance I will miss the NCE date in October. The exam is given just twice a year, in October and April. I have to be done interning and fully graduated before I can sit for the exam, which includes time for the university to send transcripts and be approved, blahblahblah.

The point being is I am at a sincere risk of not being able to get my conditional license until April 2014. Well, June 2014 really, assuming I'd pass the exam in April. It means carrying this exact stress, juggling two jobs, still having to go to the internship seminar class three times a month.

That's why I'm upset. I think I told you why we want to move. Now it almost seems a necessity if I need to increase my direct service hours ten fold. I just want to give up, period. People aren't seeming to "get it" when I say that I am the end of my tether. You've known me long enough to know I'm usually rational. I can have bad days, and I'll rebound quickly. I've not rebounded since January, from the stress and the adjustments, and shit just got worse. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I WANT to do this.

Good luck, Chi. I know you typically are quite level headed. You are so close now too to your goal, as well. I mean still some time out there but still you've put so much time and effort into it already.

I know too well what it feels like to be at the end of one's tether. I've been there a few times, and to be honest I finally thought about it good and hard....I don't have a 'dream job', I don't make much, but the bills get paid. I have to find the small things to be happy about in life. There's things I will probably never get to do, but at the same time I have a really awesome relationship and two really cool stepkids. I think I'm finally seeing the positive things about my parents and not really coming down quite so hard on them.

I dunno. I've been trying really really hard to put a more positive spin....on everything...this past week. And so far even though money is extremely tight, free time is scarce, and it feels like it will take fucking forever to dig ourselves out and get to a comfortable position. I'm alright. I'm starting to do REALLY good at my job score wise, and I've felt more motivation for house work.

For several weeks I was literally getting up for work, having dinner, than going straight back to bed most nights. I went in a really nasty ass funk. I don't LIKE doing that, but at the same time sometimes some of my depressive periods it feels like that's all I can do to hold on.

I think that's the nature of human existence--to hang on. I'll find my positivity again. I'm apathetic right now, and I've cycled all the anger, panic, disappointment, and whatever else. When I get into the office tomorrow I'll redo my logs for a third time and then see where I stand, figure out how many new clients I need to pick up, and what to do about the stress management therapy group I need to run for class (but can count).

I suppose I need sleep to do all that. <3

Anyone have some of the items I'm searching for? :)

let me check

As soon as I get the info collected, I'm also offering piles of items for art. Soon as my husband sends me his stuff, I reckon...

Oh wow...Kin is giving you his items? ^_^; I guess he hasn't any plans for coming back?

I also wonder if that will give you any extra of rarer items, like the pudao of time and the o-fan. ^_^; I know you've said before only you had the original items from the first vday/st paddies EIs, but perhaps you'll have extra of something I've not gotten yet. ^_^;

He said it's doubtful he'll be active again. He's just in a different place. I would technically get everything but V-Day 2007, but it's for my art thread first. If that falls through, then I'll probably just do a giveaway. I am hoping for some really nice, high quality art, as it's hard to get without big bribes. (:

Oh wow....

It stinks he's given up, but I understand. I tried to get Aaron into Mene but he wasn't able to get bitten by the bug and he moved on not long after he started. :(

Gosh, that's a lot of stuff...in all honesty the vday/st paddies items from 2007 I wouldn't get much use out of as for a start they're more like 'status items' than anything else. The o-fan and pudao....mmm. I could try to brush up and do arts. I'm not quite as talented as I wish though. ^_^;

I still need to get my thread together. Character info. x_x I've been out straight...

I don't think I told you, or maybe I did. Hell, with my memory of late it's probably two or three posts above me. I gave my notice at my paid job. I can't keep pulling the 50 hour weeks. I'm bummed as I've been there over a year and really like it. The plus side is that the door for future employment isn't closed.

It will be HEAVENLY to have Mondays off. I gave a four week notice, so technically I have three weeks left, but if my position can be filled sooner I'll leave sooner.

How have things been there?

Things have been alright, I think. We're keeping our head above water...for now. Aaron has another 3-4 weeks left at his temp job, and then he will need to find another one or hopefully by that time have been permanently hired in. (Best case scenario...) He has applied for a couple of the open positions as soon as they were publicly posted, last week. The only problem is they do a follicle test, and he's been in my stash about 3 weeks prior. It can take months before it becomes undetected on a sample of hair. That is our biggest concern, if he is even hired.

Then I've been dealing with some nasty tech issues for work. I've been working, but just one person at a time until I get some issues straightened with my connection. I'm having a routing table issue and what happens is it changes on me during shift and when it does it temporarily disables my secure connection. I can be kicked offline anywhere to 1 minute to 10. It doesn't bode well, and the t3 tech basically said it isn't something he can fix on his end...nor is it something I can call up my ISP and have them fix it. I don't quite know what the solution is.

Oh and my anti-depressant has been for the past 3 days having a very bizarre side effect. It's making me feel nauseated and physically ill feeling. I halved the dose today and I'm still feeling a bit shitty. I think it's about time I go ahead and ween myself complete.

Oh and did you see all that facebook drama from Friday? The guy is severely pissed off at me, but I did what I thought would be the right thing. I think, and hope, he will get over it.

Trying to think positive...Oh the snow almost is gone. Whew.

I'm glad you're making it easier to breathe on your end. You've been really juggling a lot on your plate lately. I just hope you're able to finish up your schoolwork and get your degree as you've put so much time and effort into it...and you're so close!!

What happened with the FB drama?

Hopefully you can wean and not have issues afterwards, or at least have manageable after effects.

When would Aaron know? I hope the smoking doesn't mess it up for him, fingers crossed!

I'll have no problems graduating and finishing my internship. I left my paid job. Less money, but whatever. Sanity is more important!

Ahhh ok I gotcha now. I didn't know if that was somehow tied into your program or not. I know you do a lot of intern-based work that doesn't pay, but it goes towards hours for your program. I also remember you saying there was a huge mess up on how the hours were done and like a good chunk of your already interned time was deducted from your overall total? Did that ever get worked out?

Aaron probably won't know for a couple more weeks. He applied for a couple other jobs, but has yet to hear back from anyone. I'll keep you posted on that. My fingers are definitely crossed.

With the medication, I'm just going to see if I can keep taking the half a dose for awhile and then gradually try to step myself off of it. I'm really ready to be done with it. I've taken one form of an antidepressant or another for the past 10 years and I really don't feel like it's been doing much to help as of late. I'm still suffering through my bouts of down times, but I think I'm coping enough to not have to rely on it. If it gets too much I can go back, but honestly I would like to be done with it.

The FB drama...Oh gosh I don't know how much of it you caught but basically a friend of Aaron's posted 'Goodbye!!! March 22 2013" and it immediately made me feel ill like it was his way of hinting of being suicidal. My brother put a sort of eulogy type of status on his yahoo IM and it brought back that same feeling. I went ahead and reposted what he put and urged friends and family who would know where he was to get in contact with him and make sure he was OK. I knew he was having issues with work and also with seeing his kids from his ex, and I didn't know how deep that had scarred him. With suicidal people unfortunatly the ones who WILL do stuff like that will be very descrete until the last minute, typically. There isn't much warning. Better to be safe than sorry, right? Well he reactivated his FB account long enough to launch a bunch of profanities and screaming, stating that now because of this whole drama he wasn't going to get to see his kids this weekend....then disabled his account. Alright, I guess I'll let things take the turn they will. I thought I was merely doing something I wish that was done with my brother, if there was a warning sign. I would of been so grateful to the person who stood up and said look this happened and I'm concerned. I'm not going to hold grudges if there were signs and no one said anything...because look what happened when I did? Anyways, the whole thing has me a little...rubbed.

Oooh, that's intense. :( Like you, I would err on the side of caution because once someone makes the attempt they very well might not get a second chance. At the end of the day, even if it makes me sound like an asshole, he was the one who put it out there on his FB account. If he didn't want anyone stepping in, then he could have kept quiet. If he put it out there, I imagine deep down he wanted a response, even if he's not seeing it.

The log issue got sorted out two weeks later, thankfully. I have a lot of projects in mind for my internship, so I may graduate before the end of August. It won't be sooner than the end of July though, no way could I pull that off.

Yah that's the way I thought when I said something. I had a few seconds where I thought that was none of my business, but at the same time if I said nothing and it did turn out that's what he was up to...I would find it hard to forgive myself for being a by stander. He will get over it in time, and I have not said or done anything that could get myself in trouble.

Ohhh that is so close!! 4-5 months away!! I would be super excited to finally see the finish line. If it didn't seem like such a long and never ending path for me, perhaps I would of gotten some motivation. I think my biggest issue is my fear of driving. I really cannot bring myself to overcome that. :/

I fear driving as well. I do it, but I overcompensate. I'll park far away from everyone and try to avoid crowded areas, for example. It's difficult, but challenging yourself is half the needed steps to moving beyond the fears. The job I'm leaving GREATLY helped me with my driving issues.

I am definitely ready for these past seven years of schooling to be over and done. I am ready to go from $14,000 a year to $70,000 or more combined. I cannot fathom not having the anxiety and stress with money. Or having less anxiety. To go out of town, hit up a hotel, and not worry about how it'd bury us. To get new clothes. Stuff like that. :/