GOD DAMMIT. *had a huge ass lengthy post, but the ipad fell out of the keyboard and accidentally had pressed back on browser so it went poof*

Basically asking how things are going with you and letting you know what Aaron's situation is doing. It's looking hopeful. He has a curveball to overcome. When I feel like typing it all out I will.

Day 5 of no meds. I seem to be feeling OK until around 1-2pm, and then I start having withdrawal symptoms. I'm hoping after a couple days off work I should be feeling better again. I hopped off on Friday because I was with no cigarettes and feeling pretty god awful. I hadn't any of the previous distractions either...which seemed to help. I'd go into detail, but afraid that it may not reflect kindly on me. It had been working, though.

---------- Post added 04-05-2013 at 10:07 AM ----------

Oh and I reaaally want a Rainbow T-shirt now. I bet they are ungodly expensive though. ;(

Chi: Do you have Mischief Maker and Bone Warrior?

@Izumi
When in doubt, Facebook it. I'm not sure you could possibly do anything that would make me think unkindly.

Things here are "going". I have keys to the new apartment, and we're moving what we can this weekend. I think our first night in it will be Monday. I'm really tired and drained in the meantime...

Falconwing:
I have both, yep!

How much would you want for them? I know both of them are roughly 4K. Oh do you have Magical Mysteries by the way?

Err I'd feel more comfortable talking about it here, than there...my mom and my step daughter read facebook. Lets just say I have been smoking like a chimney doing work, and well have you heard of Korn's song ADIDAS. Alright there you go. Nuff said.

While I'm off work it is SO much easier to deal with the waves of ickiness. I can lay down and sleep through them, or smoke a bowl, which works WONDERS for nausea. I can't do that and work. :/ I can't really afford to take a week or two hiatus from work. Luckily I only missed 4 hours of work last week over it. I'm hoping by Sunday I will be feeling a lot better, and even if it is rough I have to work from 10:30-4pm which isn't too bad.

It feels PHENOMENAL to say I have been 5 days without medication. A major victory for me. I swear I will not take any more physically addicting drugs if I can help it...not unless it is life or death. I would MUCH rather break the pipe out. For all the negative stigma it gets, pot is not physically addicting. It's a mental thing...kind of like how people like getting drunk (but I honestly can't stand it as getting physically sick once has cured me of even wanting to have more than a glass or can of any one type...Ick.) they can 'let themselves go'.

@Falcon
8k for both. If you want I can send a trade. :) I don't have an extra of that EI.

@Izumi
Wow, it must be hard not to take your meds. It sounds like you're determined to keep going though! <333

So 8K in total, correct?

Yep, that's correct. :)

Yep! Awesome! Then let's start the trade!

---------- Post added 04-05-2013 at 06:18 PM ----------

By the way, for another trade do you have special delivery and/or fleet commander?

I confirmed it. Thanks!

I do have both of those items as well.

Ooo, can you send them to me in a trade and I will try to get the money as fast as possible. It might be a little while though. ^^;

I am EXTREMELY determined to quit. I spoke for a good hour and half with my cousin about it and she's going to send in the mail a book she read when coming off prozac that really helped her. About which vitamins can really help give a boost, and what not. All alternative, natural stuff. I really hope, and it does sound, that you preach this sort of approach over psychiatric drugs. I know they have a time and a place, but I bet my bottom dollar that 90% of all cases of depression are either situational, or can be cleared up by making some better life choices. I wish that money wasn't such a motivating factor in life, so that doctors, psychiatrists, etc WANT to see their patients recover and live happy, fulfilling lives....Otherwise GOD DAMN that's depressing! (har har bad word choice but I'm failing to think of better.)

Now before I let the moment go. I just had an extremely moving heart to heart with my 10 year old stepson which at several moments I felt at the verge of tears. That kid is just growing up so fast, yet he has the biggest heart. Listening to his stories of being bullied about his small hand, for instance, has me pissed off beyond belief. I've been trying to give him a coping mechanism by trying to explain to him on his level why bullies do that and how they are missing the same love that he's getting from his parents and they want to bring this poor boy down below their level so they can feel happy. I stressed he needs to try to work on it as best as he can on his own level, and when it is appropriate to bring in teachers and even ourselves. I told him something from the bottom of my heart about when I first heard he had this condition how I asked Aaron how can he cope and how difficult life must be, yet how Tristan has proved me wrong. The kid is like any other kid and unless you're looking for differences in appearance to make a kid small, you're not even going to notice his small hand. He does everything a kid his age does and I find myself forgetting he has one in the first place. I also tried to talk to him about our neighbor with Cerebral Pulsy (sp?) as he knows him well, and let him try to put himself in that man's life. He's always been in a wheelchair, always had trouble with speech and day to day life, but he has always still got to where he's going and seems happy.

Then we also had a weird conversation about how he wants to adopt a 10 year old, as he doesn't want to deal with diapers and dealing with other baby stuff. I then tried to tell him (once again on his level) about the scientists who took baby monkeys away from their mothers and how hard it was for them to grow up. I also told him things about in my child psych classes where orphanages in Russia had children who never had a mom to come cuddle and feed them, and how differently they grew up. I told him that he shouldn't love a child less because of this, but just because he gets to skip the diaper stage doesn't mean that he isn't going to have to deal with a psychological diaper of his own. :P

I finally had to cut it short with him After about an hour of conversation, but at the end of it I got to give him a great big hug and a kiss on the forehead and tell him how much I love him. That even though that I am not biologically related to him that I love him just as much as if he was my own. I also told him I will always be here for him and never feel sad like Uncle Joe (my brother, obviously) and not come to me to talk. Uncle Joe felt like he had no one to talk to who could understand, but I will try my best to understand and help him as best as I could...even behest at my wellbeing/expense....but in more kid friendly terms.

I feel truly blessed to have given up my ability to have my own biological child as I feel that my relationship with my two stepkids are as strong or maybe even stronger than what I would of had. I appreciate them because of the circumstances, and I don't find myself jaded as they're always here. I just wish I could spread this message to my friend who is 35 and trying to find any guy who can ejaculate to try to father a child. (She's been trying for years and is barren) Or tell my friend who has married a guy who previous to them getting together had a vasectomy. Aaron's was something I could of forced my hand on and stopped, but I truly think that he and my two stepkids are much happier and better off not going down that path, and that alone brings me the validation for my actions.

I guess all in all folks is you got to find beauty in what life has to offer, even if it isn't exactly what you want...regardless of whether a god is present or not.

---------- Post added 04-05-2013 at 11:04 PM ----------

And now I feel the tears well up...

I wish I didn't have to go do years of schooling to be a counselor. I really want to help people come to my realizations. I can read a book, memorize stats, etc...But I think when it boils down to it, experiencing life first hand is the greatest teacher of all and helps me relate to people who do struggle in a way that someone who is book taught may struggle to do themselves.

The books aren't even half of the field. It IS life first-hand that allows you to be human. It's never too late to take the plunge. I know therapists who are 50 and are now just entering the field. Most of my peers are close to 40. While we're on the topic of life, LIFE is what got me over my fear of driving and my own issues with anxiety and depression. No medication. This path helped immensely.

The thing with medication within the field is a heated debate amongst many. I think in another ten to fifteen years we'll see more integrative care (doctor, therapist, case management, and perhaps more under the same roof), which makes it even harder. I'll be a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and I won't be able to prescribe meds anyway. Having dealt with people a little, I find that many are for medication and many are against. My clients sometimes say they don't trust medication. Other clients depend on it. Me? My role is to follow their choice, not dissuade. If I saw ambivalence with meds, then I would bring it up. If it was an adamant stance I wouldn't.

You bet your butt I'm more for balanced nutrition and social supports. However, sometimes that's not enough and never can happen. It's very frustrating to see, but I help where I can.

Some professionals do care more about the client than the money, but it's difficult to show it under obligations of insurance companies and everything else. I am lucky interning because I don't have the same strict, stringent rules that licensed therapists have to follow. I cannot imagine having to limit each session to a specific time, to book myself to the point I overbook and people have to wait, etc.

In time I'll probably do my own practice IF I can deal with the paperwork component.

Sounds like it was a great conversation with your stepson. :)

---

Falconwing:
Sure thing! Thanks!

Oh it was wonderful. I think part of him was enjoying getting to stay up past his bedtime, but he seemed to really enjoy talking. My only big concern is he keeps on bringing an incident with his 'stepdad' (they're not married, but been together longer than I have with his dad) and him getting angry and getting physically violent. I'm not happy about the incident one bit, but when I asked if anything happened afterwards with him like that and he's like no. I asked him if he talked to his mom and he said like within a couple of days. This happened couple years back, but he said something in front of my friend. He then brought it up with me again. I think he sees that the thought pains us, but at the same time I'm like I honestly can't do anything now after so much time has passed. Plus it does sound like his mother had a few very stern words for him that made him stop.

Both kids seem to be very displeased with mom's boyfriend, but just roll with it. I think part of his hangup is he isn't as emotionally involved with them as he's had his own biological son for one, and the other he's just not wanting to be? I don't know. Whereas I guess being without biological children, and being a woman, perhaps my nurturing side shows more.

Don't get me wrong, I relapse into something my mom has said that was negative about the kids typically in Aaron's company and he is good about helping me correct that behavior. It's difficult though...and the more I kind of experience how easy it is to go down that same path my mom took, the more I can't really feel the negativity I once had. It doesn't make her choices right, but it's easier for me to understand them. I'm glad I didn't continue down a similar path of negativity though with any children as it seems to be something that reoccurs. Aaron's dad was far worse than anything I had to endure, and when my husband told me about his grandfather apparently it was something that continually was happening....a learned behavior? It's saddening. :(

Family patterns tend to recreate, but in different ways. It is learned behavior. Hard to break, but definitely possible! Many don't even carry it with them.

Hi hummy!

Not bad! You?

Yep, she had a blast. :)

Yep, she did. Our friends threw an egg hunt for their kiddo and invited us along. It was nice of them.

Aww shucks I wish the kids hadn't grown up so fast! We haven't done an egg hunt in ages. We didn't get to color eggs this year either.