Not much is going on tonight. Terra got up early, skipped her nap, and thus went to sleep by 6:30. Gotta say, it's bizarre having the quiet. Cole is playing the newest God of War game, and I'm watching when plot comes up.

I baked a cake, posted it on FB. It is sinful. Pure evil, actually. xD

I have tomorrow off, without a paper to write, without a final exam, without a huge to-do list. I don't know what to do with myself! :D

Ohhh that sounds like a lot of fun. :D

I've got another 3 full days of work, and then a half day where we will be running up north to watch Pam's concert. Then just maybe I will have two full days off of work. I haven't been working full days though. Today was pretty busy, and they only did voluntary jump offs. I don't know if this is a sign that more people are dropping? I dunno.

Time will tell on that it seems, right?

Tomorrow I will likely begin researching my job options with a master's degree without licensing, to see if there's anything I can do in the interim of waiting to take my licensing exam in October. I want to get a job as soon as possible after my internship for financial sake.

I can totally understand why. I bet it will feel good to finally get a full time job based on your degree.

Aaron has been pretty moody lately, and the way he's talking he's going to be in a right mood all week. Well until Thursday night when we're home from the concert and he's in bed. He's got to transport his mom from the auto place tomorrow in between working and then on Tuesday he has to drive into GR to another temp agency so he can technically apply for this job his friend is going to get him in. He then has to text his friend to let him know so that his friend can flag his resume. He's hoping that ideally he will start on Monday at his new job.

It sounds like it's really stressful there with all the work stuff up in the air.

Yeah. It's just kinda taking it as it comes. We'll figure it out...eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

It's a Monday! Last night was sucktastic. As nice as it was for Terra to sleep early, her waking at midnight and not going back to bed for two hours was kinda hard. All's well though...

LOL. She's entering that horribly blunt phase of children. She's sitting next to me, watching a short video this morning. Rubs my leg, pauses, and then says, "You got hair?" XD

Oh my....! Yes, you have to love how open and blunt they can be. Tristan was still having moments when I first got together with Aaron. He was about 4-5ish. I remember one time he's like "You're fat like Auntie Cinnamon." (The cat is Cinnamon, or was...not sure what happened to her as we had to rehome her after she decided to pee on one to many things...3 years later, after I endured it for that long, Aaron finally said enough's enough.) Needless to say, Tristan really got in trouble that night. Not by me but by dad, and I just kind of sat there gobsmacked.

Kids are indeed blunt! xD I love what comes out of their mouths sometimes. With Terra, it's usually a reflection of reality.

I think with most kids it is just reality in it's most basic form.

Tristan is still at 10 a fairly no nonsense type of kid. He tells it like it is. He has gotten a little softer though, with learning a little bit of social ettiqute from his peers.

Ah yes, the evil socialization. It happens to the best of us I guess. :p

I'm tired, with no good reason to be. I did check up on licensing requirements and whatnot, and it looks like once I take my exam, I'll be conditionally licensed. What that means is I need to get 3000 hours across two years, 1500 of those being direct service hours with clients. It's looking intense. If, let's say, I were to have a second child somewhere in the midst of this, I can only renew my license twice. So essentially, with paying enough fees, I could be conditionally licensed for up to six years, then that's it. I'm assuming I'd have to start over from scratch.

All in all, it's fine. It allows me an opportunity to work part time or full time if we don't have another baby.

I can also take my CRC exam so I can have two licenses--one being a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, and the other being a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor-Conditional.

Sounds like all I need to do now is get my internship done and prepare for October, hey? That's when my NCE (the LCPC-C) exam is. The CRC exam can be taken online at any time, best of my knowledge. I just haven't studied for it yet.

Sounds like a lot of hoops to get your licensing. :/

I wish I had more to add to it but right now I'm pretty emotionally drained. My paycheck for friday is 55 out of 80 hours (I'm suppose to be 40 hours full time), and the next paycheck seems like it will be worse. The past two days have only been half days with forced jump offs.

I'm like extremely tense and becoming more anal. I've been rigorously cleaning my house as a form of exerting some sort of control in my life. Aaron is still no better off than he has been, and his current temp job wraps up on Friday. We STILL don't know if he can claim unemployment or not technically, and with me working full time and him at these shitty rates we have been pretty much just getting by..

It's scary shit.

Aaron leaves for work today and wants to pick up a couple of cheeseburgers from McDonalds as he doesn't have time as he's been doing things I've been asking him to do for days. I had fallen asleep earlier while trying to play a game. He didn't want to wake me, and because I didn't cook him dinner he has nothing to eat. (Which is bullshit as I don't typically cook for him before he leaves as I'm USUALLY working up until then...but anyways)

After a few nasty texts back and forth and a 30min phone call at work that he got permission for, I think we're alright? I still love him, but at the same time feel like he isn't able to get a job and get needed stability. My job is slowly falling apart and the one computer we have is on the verge of puking...I'm kind of really limited on what *I* can do as far as employment.

I did call my parents...let them know what's going on. My dad says he will come pick me up if need be. I just need to give him time to finish up work for that day. If I do that, it's more than likely the end for our relationship as Aaron will not follow and will continue moving on at the rate he has been.

I guess at least he can sleep in his own bedroom? *tries to make a witty remark and fails*

I don't know. But I know how I'm feeling at the moment I would be more than happy not to wake up tomorrow.

I'm not sure I'm quite following, likely because the tone of text is sometimes missed. It sounds casual, yet I'm thinking you're serious about the potential end of your marriage? I can see why the financial strain would get to you. It's the main source of stress for many, myself included.

Okay, so your options are to go home, which you state would effectively end your relationship. What then, though?

If you stay in your current job, you're likely going to continue getting part-time hours.

I guess I want to know why the relationship would potentially end. Is it only the money, or is it other things? It sounds like the stress root is money, yet arguing is spanning elsewhere (cooking, housework, home stuff).

If he cannot find a job that will secure income for you guys, and you cannot find a job that will secure needed income for you guys, it would mean that you both are limited in what employment you can get, not just you alone. What options do you have together to get out of it?

You're both intelligent and have skills, yet it sounds like you both hesitate from using your potential. Is it worth ending a marriage of several years and ripping a safe haven away from two kids when neither of you have given your all yet?

Maybe this is a rough chapter in life, one that's not going to last. I'm not sure if it's helpful or not, but before Cole entered school (just as I was graduating with my undergrad) we had been in a really rough patch. He was in a dead end job, which why it secured income, he was taken great advantage of. Full-time salaried, sometimes 70 hours a week, for what ended to be under minimum wage. Worst yet, it was working for my family. It took a long time and many arguments and statements of unhappiness before change was made.

It's been a long chapter of shitty finances (3+ years), but I think knowing we'd eventually get out of it helped. And we are close.

So, don't give up. If it's only money, brainstorm together over what you can do. If it's more than money, take a deep look at all the things that make you unhappy with him and weigh the pros and cons.

It is mainly money that is really causing our rifts. I'm watching him bounce from one temp job to the next, and there's no safety cushion for us to be had. He had a solid 6 months at one job where he could of been looking, yet he had his ego stroked and was told how much he was valued and how they wanted to hire him in. Then at the last minute they just cut him loose. Said he was a week over his contract and they couldn't get HR to move quick enough. He still considers it 'a lead' but he won't call them and try to follow up on things. There are people who know what's going on, and if they really valued him they would try harder to get him in.

Once again it was a bit deja vu with his solar panel job. It was too good to be true. He was making decent money and loving what he did. He put his full faith into the company. He only started to look into new jobs when the chapter 11 was thrown on the table, and the end was imminent.

I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite as here I am just hanging onto what I have left for a job, but at the same time I have the added problem that my old work PC has been torn apart to fix my husband's monster computer that is holding onto it's last limb. We do not have the money to go out and buy a new one, and when I leave the job I'm at now I will be required to turn in the computer I use as it is company property. (That's OK as it is HEAVILY locked down anyways and wouldn't do me a bit of good...)

So anyways, Friday is his last day at Walmart. He's once again got some promise of being hired in at his friend's shop but it has to be through a temp agency. He's getting the run around from them, still hasn't heard back from Walmart about being hired. Manpower hasn't gotten back to him with any potential jobs, and he's not even sure if he can claim unemployment given his circumstances. We have literally $40 tucked to one side that was meant for gas money for J-Fax, but he could break it out for gas for interviews...but to what end? There isn't any sort of financial security to be had and I don't think he quite gets this 'I should be able to claim for unemployment isn't very comforting. He seems to think he can start slouching off on more bills, but the reality of the situation is I have been paying the bare minimum for awhile and the moment we stop paying the bills I do pay we will be in hot water and fast.

That's where the plan B, move to my parents comes in. He will not entertain it at all...he wants to continue sitting in this house, watching everything fall apart. When I texted him last night and said by Monday there needs to be another job he's working or he needs to be able to claim unemployment his answer was 'whatever'. Like he didn't care. He calls me up on break and he's like you can do whatever you're going to do, I can't stop you. I'll sit here and watch everything fall apart. I'm use to that. I was really fucking frustrated. It's like he's already given up.

Anyways, I need to log in for work. I'm suppose to do an 11-7, but I have a feeling I will be cut loose half day again. We have a team meeting which I'm hoping something promising will be said, but I'm not holding my breath. The last time I tried to ask my manager a question I had my head bit off. No one is giving us any concrete answers.

I'm not sure what to make of that... On the one hand, he perhaps could be doing more and isn't, but on the other hand you perhaps could be doing more and you aren't, either. You've stated for the past couple months now that you don't hold faith in your job and the changes are causing much anxiety. And now the job isn't fulfilling the full time hours it had been planned to do, you know?

If you can both secure full time work, the finances might look a bit better. Are you sure nothing else is going on? It's unlike you to pin blame like that. Maybe that's not what you're doing, and I'm missing something. Am I??

I could be looking for new work, I suppose. The caviat is the new job would have to supply the computer for me to work. I would like to resubmit my application to Apple as I would love to work over there. I heard the pay is higher than I make now...and I thought I was at the top of my earning potential in this type of work.

I guess I really don't want to really shake things up more than they already are, and they keep on promising me that there's one more week. Now we're told by the 19th my group will be moving. I'm assuming I'm coming with them? My team leader didn't say anything to the contrary.

Aaron apparently has a lead for this job his friends work at, and is just waiting for a phone call. I'm not getting my hopes up. He also thinks he has his foot in the door to work at Walmart...I don't know about that. I think he finally gets that he needs to just find something to sustain us...

---------- Post added 05-07-2013 at 08:57 PM ----------

On the positive side I actually worked a full day today.

It'll work out... It has to in time...

*pushed thread up*

Do you have a mask of the phoenix for sale perhaps?

I might. I'm supposed to get my husband's rares as he's done with the site. Do you have any of the items I'm looking for? :)

I wish! I want that hibiscus bloom, sakura shirt, and female hawaiian shirt so bad! The only thing I have is the male hawaiian shirt but I won it so it's a bit special to me and I don't want to part with it. XD

I'd be paying in pure if you would accept that *points to goldies under my name* XD

I think I'll hold onto the rare-rares for the ones I'm missing and/or art. They're hard to come by now and I won't have much worth offering for the rares if I sell for pure. XD; Sorry!

I really want the Hawaiian Rainbow and Sakura Female shirts too. Hopefully more will come into circulation like the Georgia Peach shirts. I have been seriously considering trading the other rares I really don't use just to collect the different tshirts. I'm torn though.

Things are going better with Aaron and I relationship wise. I made some phone calls thursday to get an idea on ways to cut corners. Speaking of which, I need to get back in touch with the lady we purchased our house from and see if she may be willing to float a couple months of payment given our circumstances. I still need Aaron to get in touch with the bank to find out more about his auto loan.

This week I got a total of 20 hours, and that's with offering to come in on one of my days off. Aaron told me to leave Saturday be as he said I should have at least one day where I can sleep in and kind of 'relax'. I mean yeah I get sent home early every day, but I wake up early and usually spend the rest of the day pacing, trying to find something to keep myself busy with.

I'm looking around the apartment with sadness. I cleaned it all Monday afternoon and it's a wreck by Saturday morning. I really don't have the energy to deal with it. My monthly is brutal. My in-laws fly in Tuesday night and stay until Monday, so I'm likely not online much then.

We need to figure something out financially sooner rather than later. Cole was told he could get near full time work next week and the week after, and now he can't (long story). So he's going to get applications in. The hope is that he takes a small one or two week vacation to refresh himself while having secured a job before then. You know, applying and giving a start date of X.

I'm prepping paperwork for one of my licensing exams so that I can hopefully pursue a job directly after my internship ends in August. I'm likely going to take a couple weeks for myself as well come then. I'm looking now though, as I don't want something crappy if I can help it.

It's understandable as you've spent so much time, effort, and money into getting an education. It would be disheartening if all that went to the wayside and you took something that didn't require it, or wasn't something secure and long term.

Aaron has a job now starting Monday. It's a 45 minute commute one way, and it is through a temp agency as the company exclusively hires through the temp agency. For the first 460 hours it is only 8 dollars an hour, but once he goes permanent it hops up to $12 an hour. It will be a bit rocky until he gets permanently hired in, but then all the sudden I think we will be doing pretty good then. Who knows, he may get moved to a new department much sooner than that. The pay may jump up, too, if that happens. Right now he's just basically packing product into boxes. If he becomes a machine operator, that would make the pay jump.

Also, I'm told my training starts on May 19th. I am going to have to go for my drug test next week, and yesterday we picked up a detox kit. Been following it to a T and it is suppose to permanently detox me until I reintroduce anything into the system. I should be good on passing. I'm literally having to completely reapply for my job. I filled out the background check application, and I was trying to log into the website to set up my onboarding profile, but could not get the system to email me a password reset per the instructions on the email.

I guess it's a good reason to stall until I speak with my supervisor Sunday.