Hey guys, I have a question for you (long bit coming ahead):

I had thought that my cat was a complete snuggle-whore. Every day, she attempts to crawl into my boyfriend's or my lap, usually with a little meow and some kneading. My boyfriend always (gently) pushes her off, and I sometimes let her get comfy in my lap.

Now, my boyfriend has always been against me letting her snuggle in my lap - says that she expects it now, and is why she sometimes nips me when I turn her down or pick her up off me. (No, she never gets away with it. A scolding always follows)

Today, however, on top of the "You really shouldn't let her snuggle with you like that" comment that I usually get from my boyfriend, he also told me that a cat laying on somebody means that said cat is submitting their dominance over you and demeaning you.

Well... I had honestly never heard of this, and haven't been able to find anything on Google confirming this. So I ask you guys: Is this true?

TL;DR: When a cat lays on top of you to snuggle, are they dominating/demeaning you, or is it just straight-forward snuggles?

That's interesting. It's hard to think that a creature that's so much smaller than you in showing dominance over you, but have you ever seen The Dog Whisperer? The guy on that is amazing, but he shows that when a dog (especially a big one) jumps all over you it is showing dominance and you shouldn't let it do that.

With cats it's ever more difficult as they do what the hell they like anyway, they can't be trained to be obedient like dogs can. I honestly don't think that this is something that someone who isn't an authority on the subject could answer really, laymen such as us just aren't going to know. The fact of the matter if, this is an alien species that we allow into our homes. We only do it because they're so much smaller than us and relatively easy to look after; and they thank us by shredding our furniture and throwing up in our shoes, lol...

When my Mum was a child my Nan had a cat that used to let her dress it up in dolls clothes and push it around in a pram, can't see much dominance there. But the cat my Nan has now has a mean streak as wide as a highway...

It will be interesting to see what others think :yes:

Oh BTW, I'll move this over to General Discusssion as Life Issues is for personal problems really :)

(Ah, okay, thanks for moving it to the right forum, jelly! I had actually stared at General Discussion and Life Issues, trying to figure out which was more appropriate before posting this in there, heh XD)

Yes, animals communicate in such completely different ways than human that's it hard to wrap our brains around what they're really telling us sometimes. I'm really hoping that someone who is an expert will post in here! (Not to mention other people, of course)

Aww, her poor cat! I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must have felt!

I'm not quite sure if the at is trying to dominate you or just wants affection. I live with 5 cats( none of which are mine, all room mates- don't worry they are well cared for) and a few of these cats are continually seeking out other peoples laps for affection.And these aren't the dominant cats in the house.

The dom momma cat has this habit of just flopping on people when they sleep, ususally on their faces so yeah kinda dominant behavior.

cats in general are complete users. Unlike dogs things are always on thier terms, like if you want a cuddle they'll not give you one. Some say they're arrogance stems from being worshipped by the egyptians whom worshipped them. For example if you rub them up the wrong way they'll try to ascert their dominance over you by scratching or biting, basically putting you in your place. The affection being on thier terms is also a way of ascerting their dominance over you as its when they want and you oblinging reinforces this.

I dont know.. My cat never sits on my lap.. He just rubs against my legs.. And lays on my feet. XD He's an outside cat though and I dont know if that has anything to do with it.. I personally think outside cats act way different than inside cats.. My friend has a few inside cats and they'll come over and sit on your lap..
But I agree with Eastriel.. They do ascert their dominance by scratcing/biting.. But cuddling on your lap? That seems like the opposite to me.

I really do not think that your boyfriend is correct on this subject. Please excuse me, I don't mean to speak ill of him, but he does not know what he is talking about. When a cat curls up on your lap that simply means that they like you and want to be close to you, think you are comfortable and find your lap a nice warm place to sleep, or just feel like laying down and figured a lap was as good a place as any. Either way, they do not express dominance or ownership over people by laying on them. If anything you should see it as a compliment that your cat chose you to hang around and cuddle with. I actually think it is very sweet and cute and envy you for having a cat that comes to you for snuggles. It's especially a compliment (from the cat) when she jumps up and kneads. That also means she is happy to see you, not that she's using you as a pin cushion.

I never thought of it as dominance thing...Just that they want some attention. My cat is horrible about that - he'll get all in your face when you're not paying attention to him, but I'll try to pick him up and love on him and he gets annoyed and jumps down and does his own thing. I've kinda stopped trying. My boyfriend's cat doesn't love at all...only on very very rare occasions and it isn't in your lap. My neighbor's cat though is totally opposite and you can pick her up and put her in your lap and as long as she's being petted she will stretch out, kneed her paws, and purr...it doesn't seem to be a mark of dominance but sheer bliss.

I think when the cat tries to jump on my back at night they might be trying to, or I had a cat who liked to perch on people's heads...I would of thought they'd want to get higher than you if it was something done out of dominance...

I can't find any articles about it either. Everything I read says that when cats cuddle its a sign of trust and affection. I do think that her nipping you is her way of saying "But I want to cuddle!" I think you summed it up when you called babycat a snuggle-whore.
The only thing I can think of that cats do to express their dominance is spray/urinate on things.

Your boyfriend, I suspect, may be a dog person. Nothing wrong with that; they just don't get cats. Until/unless babycat starts marking your man, I think things are just what they are.

A friend of mine always puts it like this: A cat is not a pet. You are the cat's pet, and you're just lucky to be allowed to stay in her house... ;)

Most cats are dominant, there's very few of them out there who actually accept you as their leader instead of the one who's privileged to be allowed to feed them and be their victims whenever they feel like cuddling. But that also means that cats rarely ever show their dominance over people that are close to them - they know perfectly well that normally things will go their way, anyway.

So I really don't think her snuggling into your lap is a display of dominance - it's just that she feels like cuddling and you're her favourite pet to use. ;)

actually if you can get a cat to snuggle up on your lap and close it's eyes to ANY degree it is a sign of trust. Cats will NOT close their eyes and fall asleep unless they feel COMEPLETELY at ease with their place at that time. So if you get your cat to cuddle up in your lap and squint at you, or even close its eyes it means it trusts you not to kill it while its sleeping. I've had cats ALL my life indoor, outdoor, in and out at the same time, and currently have four indoor cats, ALL of them know that the humans are the boss, but they love to curl up in nice warm laps...it's all about warmth and trust and safety with them.

Damn. And I always thought my cat just liked me. xD

It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is a bit jealous of the cat snuggling with you. :XD

My cats rarely lay on my lap, the youngest used to when he was very small every time I sat on the floor he would run and climb on my lap and go to sleep now I highly doubt a 3 week old kitten with sticky out back legs was asserting any type of dominance over me. He doesn't like to sit on me now or be stroked by me because I had to go back to uni. See he was showing me love by choosing to sleep on me and I left him, the longer I'm at home the more he will let me stroke him, because I left him he isn't as secure with me as he used to be but the longer I'm here the better he gets.

I think your bf is being retardedly jealous.
And doesnt have anything better to do than complain about a cat. :|

It's not dominance.
It knows you are.
Cause you are the one in control of its food, treats, toys, whatever.

I personally have had cats my whole life and I never really looked at it as them putting their dominance of you.

My first cat was a black persian. He was an outside/inside cat, but if I ever poured food, or opened a can of cat food he would always come running, and would always thank me by loving on me afterwards. It was the same with my next orange tabby, he got the food, and thanked me for it.

Then I got my minx/Siamese. She was very picky. Before an incident(details after this) she was the loviest cat that I'd ever had. She would sleep with me in bed, then she would play with me with strings and what not, and don't forget, the thanks for feeding her.

Then there was the accident. Well, she was a spazzy cat. I had this hide-a-bed that my aunt had built me. Well, the cat would charge from one of the house straight to that bed and up the ladder. Then one day she had an accident... she fell as she was climbing. She hurt her back and I couldn't pick her up for months, but after that she was grouchy and snotty, though she still thanked me for her food.

So then she started having kittens. Her first batch had this one little tabby, he was light gray with dark gray stripes. I named him Curious because he was too curious for his own good.

Well, one night I was sleeping on the couch in the front room and I snuggled him before I went to sleep, then I woke up the next day and he was asleep on me, well so I picked him up and put him off. My aunt told me not to sleep with him because he was so small that if I rolled on top of him I'd squash him.

So then the next night I went to sleep, and had to forcefully remove him from my bed. LMAO! And so then I went to sleep, and guess what! He was sleeping on me again!

But one thing the cat still did was thank me for his food, even after he became a permanent ouside cat.

So no, I don't think that it's dominance, I think they are just expressing how thankful they are to have you as their owner, and the only way they know how to do it is by loving you.

Originally Posted by Jeanie

It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is a bit jealous of the cat snuggling with you. :XD

I agree with that statement wholeheartedly, because when I go out to snuggle my current cat Smokey my BF gets all huffy puffy and says he hates the cat. >_> I'm not blind when it comes to jealousy.

I guess it depends on the cat's personality..

My cats generally just want attention and will just jump on you without warning to get love. But I used to have a cat that would just come up and sit on you as a sign of dominance..

From what I know... it is true. My girlfriend's cat always crawls all over me on the couch but he never sits on her lap when she's sitting next to me. Never, never never. He'll move up and lay next to her head on the pillow when shes sleeping but not when she's got lapspace.

That sounds pretty weird... My cats are getting old and confsed (they're 11 and 14, :XP) and like to snuggle when we have our laptops in our laps, are if we're eating. Sometimes they also hop in the bed with us and lay on our stomachs. I don't think they're being dominant, I think my cats are being elderly.><;;

My cat's accepted me as his leader because I've given him no other choice. I do let him have free reign when I allow it, but wreaking havoc and being a nuisance is definitely a no-go. Our little kitty used to be a hellion, but I've turned him almost into a complete cuddleslut. He still bites and scratches every once in a while, but I bite back. Not hard enough to do harm, but hard enough to hurt a bit and let him know that I'm the one with dominance. I also get down to his eye level and growl and hiss at him when he's acting out of line.

You have to -act- like a cat to even begin to show dominance over it.

I know that it's like this with dogs.
Maybe the cat dominates more in a way that shy tries to always get what she wants ;D hehe

I don't think that's true..maybe your boyfriend just doesn't like cats? It's hard to get a cat to cuddle with you, but my cat when she was in heat was very cuddly, or when she hit puberty. I think really it's just their way of being affectionate and wanting attention. I know that sounds weird, but I've only met like one female cat that liked affection.. the rest didn't T_T including my cat. Unless its on their terms, which in my case was usually when I was reading a book or trying to sleep lol..

In my language there is a saying, that would translate as "a reall cat always do as she wishes to do" :)

Being the owner (If you can call it that) of 4 cats, previously 5, and heck knows how many kittens (About 15) I don't think it's a sign of them demeaning you, unless you're offended by being a mobile pillow...

To most cats, you are nothing but a warming pad with an auto-petting food dispenser... it's not that they would rather demean you that lay next to you, but that, cats care about comfort, and you're warm.

As for the nipping, that, actually from my experiences, is a cats way to scold us. If you pet a cat wrong, some of them will go berserk yes... but most of them nip you and leave or just leave. It's not like we understand them if they scold us (which I've heard), so they nip instead.

I know not all cats are alike. I have one cat that would happily demean me because she hates my guts... but if they love you, they are just using their favorite pillow/toy/food dispenser for some "Well deserved comfort"...

So I think Cat Snuggles is more a sign they like you, kneading is just to make you... I suppose more comfy. Though don't get me wrong, they still think they own you.

All cats are different though, so I think you'll probably have to learn by observing their nature ^^, some cats are naturally lovey and sweet, and some are naturally snobs...

@ Fu - XD Yup... got 4 females and all of them like attention when THEY want it. 2 are okay with petting without "permission", but the other two get annoyed.

Cats are weird..
No one will ever know what they are thinking, or even intending.
They are just that interesting.

Really, if that cat is displaying Dominance.. so what?
What is a cat going to do?

Really now :/ No one will have your answer, and if they do, well then it is just a guess.

A lot of people confuse other animals with dog behavior when they talk about them, especially people who don't know animals that well. People are always trying to turn cats into dogs and horses into dogs, especially.

It's totally impossible for a pack animal and an independent animal to have the same social structure.

But yeah, agree with the a lot of the sentiments expressed in this thread about cats and affection.

One thing about patting cats 'right' vs 'wrong', I'm not sure if that's instinct or not. My last cats were a bit oddball, I will admit, but I had a mom cat that would groom her kittens fur by licking it the wrong way, making it stick up and look spiky. (I had adopted a mom and one kitten out of a litter -- I don't go breeding superfluous cats, lol.) Anyway, the kitten grew up to be a cat who LOVED having his fur stroked the 'wrong' way. You could just spike up all his fur backwards and he'd just be sitting there squinging his eyes and purring. (The mother didn't seem to care one way or the other how she was stroked.)

Anyway, just putting that out there for the cat behavior survey. =D