Dictionary.com describes polyamory as:

Main Entry: polyamory
Part of Speech: n
Definition: participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships

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Not to be confused with polygamy, which is the act of marrying more than one person, polyamory is just a term describing persons that are in a relationship with two or more people.

Alot of polyamorous people are that way because of their lifestyle, or they are bisexual and are capable of loving both partners equally. But because society frowns upon this, most of them are forced to hide from their families and friends. I was wondering what your thoughts on polyamory is, it's interesting to me that love triangles and such are "okay" in movies and anime, but in real-life they are considered "taboo".

To be perfectly honest, I am considered polyamorous. Not because I am bisexual, it's because ever since I was 10 years old, I could not fathom the idea of only loving one person. I grew up with the notion that everyone deserved to be loved, maybe it's my "sweet as sugar personality and big heart" talking as everyone said, or maybe I'm just different.

Now before anyone freaks out, I have told my fiance this and it has taken him more than 2 years to come to terms with it, I have also told my friends this. I'm reluctant to tell my family because of my friend's reactions. Unfortunately, their reactions were the same as nearly everyone's reactions are to polyamory -- they thought I was a "swinger" lmao. Polyamory does not mean swinging, just to let you know.

So what are your opinions on love triangles?

I don't think there is anything really wrong with that kind of love triangle as long as all the people involved don't have issue with it. Generally though when I think of love triangle I've only known the unrequited kind where one person likes another who likes a different person who likes the first person. Which can be complicated and probably not a nice experience for those involved.

There are different kinds of love. I love several people but all differently.

Well, I saw a polyamorous relationship on True Life on MTV.

I've never actually seen one until then. But I don't think I'd ever be interested in one. I mean, I think something like that is pretty fragile, and this may be just me, but I can't have someone loving me and someone else at the same time. Call it selfish, but I just think that's what love is about, ya know? It should make you feel special.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Nope. But I wouldn't do it myself.

Originally Posted by iRandall

Well, I saw a polyamorous relationship on True Life on MTV.

I've never actually seen one until then. But I don't think I'd ever be interested in one. I mean, I think something like that is pretty fragile, and this may be just me, but I can't have someone loving me and someone else at the same time. Call it selfish, but I just think that's what love is about, ya know? It should make you feel special.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Nope. But I wouldn't do it myself.

It's mostly because you feel as though your partner
is splitting feelings between you and someone else.
I would hate to be in kind of relationship mostly because I have *horrible* self-esteem
I always test my boyfriend to leave me to find someone else
just to see if he loves me or if he confess that I don't make him happy
and he can find happiness somewhere else.
He doesn't like it of course xD
He keeps asking me why I can't just accept the fact that he loves ONLY me. :heart:
If HE DOES LEAVE, I would be devastated and heart broken.

So I wouldn't be able to work right if he loves someone else as well as me
But if it was me doing the "love triangle" then it's nearly impossible
xD
I don't have the ability to love more than one person
I could and want to love only one person and feel like he is my only world.
One person I give everything for.
I also like the idea of "the only one for me" :heart::love::oops:

Although if your fiancee is fine with then, then I'm glad it works out for you
:) :heart:
What I dislike is the idea that people believe that bisexuals
are "greedy".
When actually bisexuals have more people to search love in.
Plus you are NOT intending have one nighters with everyone.
You just wanted to be in two (or more) relationships
with those people to love with everyone being okay with it.

I have mixed feelings about such relationships.

If an adult enters into one, knowing what it is, his/her partner knowing what it is, and they're all right about it, then it's their business.

However, I wonder about the emotional effects of such a relationship, especially for one with low self-esteem. Personally I do not think I could handle such a relationship. It would feel too much like cheating to me.

Also, I would hope that anyone in such a relationship is taking special care with his/her health, especially if sex is involved, so as to avoid STDs and other problems.

Nah, bisexuals are not greedy at all, well some of them are.

I've studied polyamory over the years and I've found that it's usually people that have a "golden heart" go through with it. These people cannot comprehend why they should only love one person, they are much more comfortable with loving more than one.

I consider polyamory to be the same as having kids. Your first daughter is your only world and you love her deeply, but then you give birth to your son. Your first daughter will get jealous of the attention and love you give the son, but would slowly get over it and accept the fact, that you love your daughter and son equally and nothing will change.

If a polyamorous relationship is successful, that would be how all partners involve will feel. Although there are terms like "primary" and "secondary", I really don't like that label. Primary just basically means your first relationship or partner, basically your spouse is "primary", and any subsequent partners after your spouse is considered "secondary".

I don't like it because that's like saying, "oh hey I know we should treat each other equally, but when it comes to my husband/wife, I will side by him/her and love him/her alittle more" ...my opinion dictates that if you follow polyamory that you shouldn't have that kind of attitude in regards to the relationship, but some people could make it work. Go figure.

Originally Posted by Leenalia

Nah, bisexuals are not greedy at all, well some of them are.

I've studied polyamory over the years and I've found that it's usually people that have a "golden heart" go through with it. These people cannot comprehend why they should only love one person, they are much more comfortable with loving more than one.

I consider polyamory to be the same as having kids. Your first daughter is your only world and you love her deeply, but then you give birth to your son. Your first daughter will get jealous of the attention and love you give the son, but would slowly get over it and accept the fact, that you love your daughter and son equally and nothing will change.

If a polyamorous relationship is successful, that would be how all partners involve will feel. Although there are terms like "primary" and "secondary", I really don't like that label. Primary just basically means your first relationship or partner, basically your spouse is "primary", and any subsequent partners after your spouse is considered "secondary".

I don't like it because that's like saying, "oh hey I know we should treat each other equally, but when it comes to my husband/wife, I will side by him/her and love him/her alittle more" ...my opinion dictates that if you follow polyamory that you shouldn't have that kind of attitude in regards to the relationship, but some people could make it work. Go figure.

huh... I guess those people are really laid back
xD;;
I see what you're saying.
It makes more sense to love them equally (in different ways).
As you said, you just can't only love one or just have more feelings for one than the others in this kind of relationship.
If they do though.. I believe it's similar to the ancient kings with harems xD;;

I had sort of a fling with a married couple (both of them...) a while back. Not really a relationship, more of a friends-with-benefits deal. The sexual aspect of it was awesome, but the guy turned out to be a bit of a douche, and in the end, I felt a little used.

In some ways, I think open relationships require more honest communication and sensitivity than monogamous ones in order to make sure everyone's needs are met. Boundaries need to be set early to make sure nobody's feelings are hurt. Personal needs have to be discussed to make sure nobody involved feels neglected. Some things that are usually just assumed in a typical monogamous relationship can't always be taken for granted when there are multiple partners involved.

I used to be in a polyamorus relationship with my boyfriend, who had found a girl that he'd fallen for. I'm bi but had never really dated anyone but my boyfriend, so he found out about polyamory and suggested we give it a try. I was okay with it, and so was the girl, so our relationship began. Sadly enough, we had to cut the girl loose after a few months when we discovered she had been stealing from my boyfriend and I to buy street painkillers. We confronted her about the issue and while I still cared about her, my boyfriend and I both agreed it was best if she left.

So yeah, in general I don't believe it to be a bad thing, but it is a very difficult thing to work through. All participants have to be in agreement, and MUST be vocal about their wants, needs, and desires. If not, then the person keeping quiet feels left out and will start to resent the others because of it. Also, I'd like to note that polyamory isn't just for those of the bisexual orientation- I've heard of one straight lady whose relationship comprised of four members, two male and two female.

I'm a monogamy fan. I couldn't imagine dating more than one person at a time. I think, in the end, when you decided to settle down with one person, you're missed out on a lot of getting to know that other person because you were busy getting to know other people at the same time. ... Does that make sense? >__<

Overall, I think polyamory cheapens the resulting long term relationship and often leads to that relationship ending because one person doesn't know enough about the other before they settled down.

EDIT: Also, as far as bisexuality goes, I think the same rules apply. I think if you're with one person and you then have a relationship with another person, regardless of gender, that's cheating.

Here's an EXCELLENT link on the subject Franklin's polyamory FAQ

If a relationshipo like this is maintained by a groupd of people who ALL AGREE on the relationship boundries, I think Polyamoury is great! I have a friend who is activly polyamourous, and quite successfully, I might add.

But definatley not for everyone.

Originally Posted by KiwiRose

Here's an EXCELLENT link on the subject Franklin's polyamory FAQ

If a relationshipo like this is maintained by a groupd of people who ALL AGREE on the relationship boundries, I think Polyamoury is great! I have a friend who is activly polyamourous, and quite successfully, I might add.

But definatley not for everyone.

That is an excellent link! I haven't stumbled on that website yet, thanks!

Bisexuals aren't greedy, they share themselves with both genders. Silly heterosexuals. However, pansexual has got to be the most giving. Lmao.

I also have been in Polyamourus relationships, me and my girl have been in a few. and want to be in another, however I can't stand it when people call us swingers though. That pisses us both off.

The biggest issue with that type of relationship of course is the jealousy and trust aspects of it. all people involved need to trust one another and such.

I have found that is the biggest issue with a lot of potential people. They just cant help but favor one or the other, it's difficult to find someone to join in on a mutual relationship like that.

My fiance is monogamous, well he's very open. I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll just call it "straight poly", if I somehow have another girlfriend who is also bisexual -- he'd be completely happy with being polyamorous. But if I have another boyfriend who is also straight -- he'd be happy for me, but won't accept the poly relationship unless the guy and him can be buddies.


Now, it's weird though I've read articles on polyamory and none of them answers my question. Do you keep the fact that you're polyamorous a secret from your family and friends? Or do you invite both of your lovers over to meet the family?

I'm completely okay with the concept of polyamory, even polygamy (as long as your partners are all fully aware and accepting of the situation, of course).
It's not really for me (I can only deal with it in a sexual context, not an emotional one) but I can see why other people would choose it.

I find it strange how many people readily accept that you can love more than one person in your lifetime (like if your partner dies, you will be encouraged to move on and find someone else, even if you still love your dead partner), yet they fail to accept that you can love more than one living person at once. You're still loving two people, the only difference is time.

Although I have seen that polyamorous relationships tend to work much better in even numbers. It tends to limit someone feeling "left out".

Having said that, I recently saw a documentary on it. One of the families it looked at was a man who was in a relationship with two women, although the two women were not in a romantic or sexual relationship with each other.
He was married to the first one, then the second one just lived with them. The two women were best friends, almost like sisters. The second woman became very ill, and the first woman volunteered to divorce her husband and let the second woman marry him instead, so that she could be his legal wife and claim off his health insurance.
I thought that was a really sweet thing for her to do, and it demonstrates the level of trust she must have in both of them.

@Cherish:

I am planning to do that if that same situation arises.
However, I do not know if it's illegal to marry your husband in the United States and marry someone else out of the country (preferably in a place where polygamy isn't illegal). I don't really know.

Yeah, I think you might have to divorce him first if you don't want to get arrested for polygamy.

Oh, and with regards to your other question, on the documentary I watched, most of the families only told their family/friends if they thought they'd be accepting of it, or they'd just tell selected people. They'd usually introduce the second/third etc. person as a close friend, especially if they were worried about the reactions of the local people.

See, our families wouldn't understand.

My family would wonder why someone is living with us in the house and "mooching" off of us...or why, at the age of 30, 40, 50, etc. we still have that "room-mate".

His family would probably say, "hey...get a girlfriend already!". So yeah...it's a pretty difficult situation lol

Honestly? I can't say I am for or against it. I don't practice it, myself, but my best friend has been in situations like that. If you love more the one person, then you love more the one person. If everyone is okay with the situation, then what's to say you can't be in love with more then one person at once?

For me, i honestly would just want a faithful relationship between my lover and that is it. Not third party or more. But for people that enjoy being in an open relationship is good for them. As long as they know what they are getting into and practice safe sex and not get the bad stuff. Atleast, know who your partners are and where they have been. I couldn't see myself in an open relationship or in a polyamory...maybe if it was trying to choose a person to marry without sexual relationships would sound better but eh, just me.

Originally Posted by aino10shi

It's mostly because you feel as though your partner
is splitting feelings between you and someone else.
I would hate to be in kind of relationship mostly because I have *horrible* self-esteem
I always test my boyfriend to leave me to find someone else
just to see if he loves me or if he confess that I don't make him happy
and he can find happiness somewhere else.
He doesn't like it of course xD
He keeps asking me why I can't just accept the fact that he loves ONLY me. :heart:
If HE DOES LEAVE, I would be devastated and heart broken.

Yea, that's pretty much how I feel. And my boyfriend's done that before, but he came back. At first, I definitely wasn't about to take him back, but since he came back, I figured I must be the one that he wanted, ya know?

Originally Posted by aino10shi

What I dislike is the idea that people believe that bisexuals
are "greedy".

Oh God, thank you. A friend of mine [who is gay] always walks pass me in school and goes, "HEY GREEDY."
I laugh, but I don't like that people think bisexuals are greedy. No one said you only had to go with one sex.
:roll:

Originally Posted by Leenalia

Nah, bisexuals are not greedy at all, well some of them are.

I've studied polyamory over the years and I've found that it's usually people that have a "golden heart" go through with it. These people cannot comprehend why they should only love one person, they are much more comfortable with loving more than one.

Yea, but I just can't see myself sharing someone or being shared.

Originally Posted by Leenalia

If a polyamorous relationship is successful, that would be how all partners involve will feel. Although there are terms like "primary" and "secondary", I really don't like that label. Primary just basically means your first relationship or partner, basically your spouse is "primary", and any subsequent partners after your spouse is considered "secondary".

I don't like it because that's like saying, "oh hey I know we should treat each other equally, but when it comes to my husband/wife, I will side by him/her and love him/her alittle more" ...my opinion dictates that if you follow polyamory that you shouldn't have that kind of attitude in regards to the relationship, but some people could make it work. Go figure.

Yea, I agree on that. I mean, it's almost like favoritism with lovers. And if that was the case, you might as well just love one of them.

I think... There should be one person in your life who you are loyal and devoted to, whether you are homosexual or heterosexual. Love doesn't mean much to me right now anyway, but when it does I want to love one person, and only that person, and I would want them to do the same for me. That's what I would want, but to each his own opinion; if that is the lifestyle you will choose, go for it.

Originally Posted by Cursed

Bisexuals aren't greedy, they share themselves with both genders. Silly heterosexuals. However, pansexual has got to be the most giving. Lmao.

. . . Are you being serious? Because if you are, your views on the topic seem ridiculous to me.

One person in the relationship would be hurt reguardless if they are okay with it or not.