In our society, were arrange marriage were lurking around. It becomes harder for a person such as I am to ask why do we need to undergo with such kind of arrangement by our parents. I am now in my early adult life, i never been through with my teenager life, yet I have to accept the reality that in the cycle of life, we have to go through adulthood. SO, going back in what I am discussing right now. Few of my friends were already married and mostly, an arrange marriage. Some of those marriage was shocking, because some of them got married without knowing that the day was there wedding ceremony. Some of them were being black mailed by their parents or their grand parents by pretending they were sick and telling them that "If something happen to me. You will be the person to be blame". As to my friend, they dont have any choice but to say yes. Love is not the point of marriage here, but some of them are for prestige and pride.

I am so thankful that my parents havent thought of that when I was in my younger years and now I am still young of course...hehehe:) But, you menewsha members...DO YOU AGREE ON THIS MATTER OR NOT?
:vicky:

I think it depends upon how it is carried out, and the individual circumstances.

Arranged marriage is no longer a part of my own culture, so I used to have the same knee-jerk reaction to it that a lot of people who were raised on Disney films and fairytales do; I used to think it was wrong to expect to dictate who your children fall in love with. I used to think that all arranged marriages were forced marriages.

But now I have a friend who had an arranged marriage, and she showed me the whole thing in a totally different light.
It was a part of her culture and heritage that she wanted to preserve, but also because of her religious beliefs. She believes in Fate, and therefore the man that her parents picked for her was the man she was fated to be with, and so she was also fated to fall in love and be happy with him.
They didn't rush her into it, either. They got engaged in India when she was a child, and then she moved back to the UK with her parents. Her fiance still lived in India. While they were both growing up, they wrote to each other all the time, they spoke on the phone, they sent each other pictures and gifts, and they would fly over to visit each other as often as possible.
I remember when we were both in our teens, and she'd be going to meet him at the airport; she'd get all dressed up, put on makeup and do her hair, and she'd be so excited to see him. It was like any other young girl going to meet her long-distance boyfriend.
When she was old enough to get married, her parents told her not to rush into it right away, even though she was excited to finally get married to him. They told her to think about it while she finished school, and they told her that they wouldn't be resentful of her if she decided not to marry him.
She did end up marrying him, and she is very happy.

So I think that if it's done like that, where you still have some choice in the matter, and you are not pushed, blackmailed or guilted into it, then it can be okay.
I guess some arranged marriages you're forced into it, and some are more of your parents making a suggestion, or telling you that they'd prefer it if you married this person.

From my personal stance I do not agree with it. But this is only because I was not raised in a way that glorifies or expects it. If I had grown up that way, with arranged marriages being the norm, then my response would be different.
My parents are divorced and I would not want them to pick someone for me if they were not together. My mom is part this and my dad is part that; so there is no real... "heritage" or "culture" to keep, I can kind of pick and choose (that sounds kind of bad.. xD)

But I agree with Cherish. It depends on how you were raised, your overall view, and the situation.

I think you have both the point there, Ms. Cherish and Ms. Ikuaki. That all depends. But maybe if you see the whole picture here, then you will see that out 100% mostly, there will be 20% who would have a succesful marriage through arrangement. In my own point of view, i dont want to have a marriage in that way. In the since that, when time comes and we have an unexpected misunderstanding and have fight over something. I dont want to reason out by saying or him saying, "If werren't only for parents, I will not marry you, EVER!!" Thinking by saying those words makes me so worried and regretful in the end. Seeing the alternate side, if you are in love with him, then you dont have to blame your parents for being together, in the since that, you choose that. It will be your fault since you fell in love with a man whom you thought your love so much.^_^

Cherish got it right when she mentioned the knee-jerk reaction against it, when dealing with the "Disney Generation" (granted if we talk about Sleeping Beauty that was an arranged marriage... b-u-t, generally speaking).
I personally would be appalled if my parents arranged a marriage for me. Especially since I love my boyfriend so much.

I can understand the idea of 'fate' and 'culture', but everyone has different views. I'm not saying they're bad, as long as both parties are happy. I'm just saying it's not something I'd want.

Originally Posted by Syraannabelle

Cherish got it right when she mentioned the knee-jerk reaction against it, when dealing with the "Disney Generation" (granted if we talk about Sleeping Beauty that was an arranged marriage... b-u-t, generally speaking).
I personally would be appalled if my parents arranged a marriage for me. Especially since I love my boyfriend so much.

I can understand the idea of 'fate' and 'culture', but everyone has different views. I'm not saying they're bad, as long as both parties are happy. I'm just saying it's not something I'd want.

You have mentioned Ms. Syraanabelle about boyfriend. IF you will agree with me, it is so painful and too much to bare, if you love a man so much and suddenly your parents wanted for you to marry another man. I think thats painful and few of my friends had gone with that kind of situation. For us, who are bound with those kind of things, sometime we thought that, love is something that is a fairytale. Whom love is only an illusion and reality is this.
:vicky:

No, Ireally do not. If someone must marry another person then I think that it should be because they love that person, not because they were forced into it.

What I mean by that is forced into a marriage that was pre-arranged.

From where I come from. Arrange marriages isn't right.

Marriage Should be about spending the rest of your life with someone you love and care and and who loves and cares about you. Not some random stranger or even someone you may know that your parents set you up with.


But a cultures tradition can't be interferred with I guess. I was lucky enough to be born into a place where arrange marriages hardly exist.

I personally do not like arranged marriage. BUT, arranged introduction could be accepted.

I can be said have nothing against arranged marriage IF, the couple are willing. *shruggs*

I don't agree with the idea of two people being forced to get married. I mean, forcing two people who might not even love each other, is just wrong in my opinion. Though I didn't grow up with people getting arranged marriages, I think that if I had, I'd probably still be against it, knowing my personality. If you have a say in the matter, whether you want to go through with it or not, is different. At least you aren't being forced to marry someone you don't like. I would never want my parents to go out and find someone for me. I'm just happy that my parents said if I don't get married, and/ or have kids, that's fine with them.

Though on the matter of an arranged marriage to unite two kingdoms or whatever, is a bit different. And harder to say if it's wrong or not. If it's to keep peace 'n whatnot between both sides. Then I'd say, yeah, maybe it's alright. But if you're in that position, it's your unhappiness or everyone else's unhappiness. Neither side would want to be unhappy. So yeah. Harder to say if that is right or not.

But for me. I don't want someone to go out and find someone for me in general. I'm better off finding someone who is right for me. And if that doesn't happen. I'm good staying single the rest of my life :3

(By the way, this might get moved to the debate subforum o.O)

Well, I completely disagree with arranged marriages. I believe that there is a person out there for everyone, and that we spend our lives looking for this person. I mean, forcing someone to marry feels wrong to me. I enjoy being able to date who I choose in hopes of finding that special someone that I can spend the rest of my life with. This is my own opinion but... uhm.. but like, what if you and your spouse don't get along.. Or what if they're abusive.. It's something that's unavoidable if you haven't a choice.

I believe in 'suggested' marriages, or an arranged marriage where both people get to know each other and agree ont he marriage before it is carrid out.

Basically, I think that the suggestion of the two getting together could be told to them by the parents. The two meet and keep meeting till they are ready to give a decision of yes or no.

But I don't believe people should be forced if they don't want to, if they haven't got a choice.
I especially believe that people should never ever be forced to marry someone when they're already in love/dating someone else.
Though I admit, I do think there is a certain poetic romanticness about two people falling in love because their parents suggested a possible marriage :3

Arranged Marrige's usually come with tradition in differnet cultures. Goring up with a European background and in North America thankfully I dont' have to worry about that being a situation my family would force me into. I don't agree with them. People should be free to marry whom ever they wish because they're in love with that person. Although there are some successful arranged marriages and the people may be happy, they'r egoing to have live with the fact that it wasn't their chosen that they love but someone else chose that other for thm. People need experience so they don't live their lives with ' What if's'. Fate is fate, but we shape our fate and we should be able to fall in love with people we meet ourselves not those forced or ' suggested' to us. That's trying to alter fate. In my opinion anyway.

Originally Posted by Athilea Majiri

No, Ireally do not. If someone must marry another person then I think that it should be because they love that person, not because they were forced into it.

What I mean by that is forced into a marriage that was pre-arranged.

They love that person?...but how about the other person Ms. Athilea? don't we have to consider his/her own feelings? I think both side should synchronize their own feelings to each..or at least they feel even a little love to other. However, what of none?
:vicky:

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Originally Posted by Usagii-sama

From where I come from. Arrange marriages isn't right.

Marriage Should be about spending the rest of your life with someone you love and care and and who loves and cares about you. Not some random stranger or even someone you may know that your parents set you up with.


But a cultures tradition can't be interferred with I guess. I was lucky enough to be born into a place where arrange marriages hardly exist.

I, surely agree Ms. Usagii-sama about your own idea on Marriage and i think those people who are born like that (where marriages hardly exist) is such a lucky thing in their life. Thinking about marrying someone whom I didn't know for almost years i have been living in this world and so sudden someone will appear and say "I'll be your husband". What the heck! I don't even like that kind of situation!
:vicky:

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Originally Posted by Zivvy

I personally do not like arranged marriage. BUT, arranged introduction could be accepted.

I can be said have nothing against arranged marriage IF, the couple are willing. *shruggs*

~~~how I wish Mr. Zivvy that there is also that arranged introduction from both side. What if none?...:rawrmayor:

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Originally Posted by Laila Izuka

I don't agree with the idea of two people being forced to get married. I mean, forcing two people who might not even love each other, is just wrong in my opinion. Though I didn't grow up with people getting arranged marriages, I think that if I had, I'd probably still be against it, knowing my personality. If you have a say in the matter, whether you want to go through with it or not, is different. At least you aren't being forced to marry someone you don't like. I would never want my parents to go out and find someone for me. I'm just happy that my parents said if I don't get married, and/ or have kids, that's fine with them.

Though on the matter of an arranged marriage to unite two kingdoms or whatever, is a bit different. And harder to say if it's wrong or not. If it's to keep peace 'n whatnot between both sides. Then I'd say, yeah, maybe it's alright. But if you're in that position, it's your unhappiness or everyone else's unhappiness. Neither side would want to be unhappy. So yeah. Harder to say if that is right or not.

But for me. I don't want someone to go out and find someone for me in general. I'm better off finding someone who is right for me. And if that doesn't happen. I'm good staying single the rest of my life :3

(By the way, this might get moved to the debate subforum o.O)

You hit the point there, Ms. Lailah. Its the word HAPPINESS. As for me that's the main reason, in order for you to live your life in a better one. Being deprived from those things shall be a burden in our/my part for the rest of my /our lives. If you agree with me, who reads this reply.

We couldn't let other people look for our happiness, but it is us who looks for it. Looking for it is something to find it carefully, especially when our future is at stake.

(Subforum? hehe...sorry Lailah, i didn't got the chance to put it in there, due to the reason that Im'm just new here...kinda innocent...wahehehehe)

:vicky:

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Originally Posted by EmoVampire

Well, I completely disagree with arranged marriages. I believe that there is a person out there for everyone, and that we spend our lives looking for this person. I mean, forcing someone to marry feels wrong to me. I enjoy being able to date who I choose in hopes of finding that special someone that I can spend the rest of my life with. This is my own opinion but... uhm.. but like, what if you and your spouse don't get along.. Or what if they're abusive.. It's something that's unavoidable if you haven't a choice.

That's true Ms. Emo vampire. I agree with your opinion especially the last statement you have given. Some of my friends, who have in the same situation, and those people i know, couldn't get along with each other and the result? They got divorced. I think its kinda wasting of their time living with a spouse whom they don't know from the start and adjusting is really hard for both of them. I think lot of time is needed. The child that is born with unwanted love between both side, suffers.

:vicky:

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Originally Posted by Alice Pan

I believe in 'suggested' marriages, or an arranged marriage where both people get to know each other and agree ont he marriage before it is carrid out.

Basically, I think that the suggestion of the two getting together could be told to them by the parents. The two meet and keep meeting till they are ready to give a decision of yes or no.

But I don't believe people should be forced if they don't want to, if they haven't got a choice.
I especially believe that people should never ever be forced to marry someone when they're already in love/dating someone else.
Though I admit, I do think there is a certain poetic romanticness about two people falling in love because their parents suggested a possible marriage :3

That is really the situation in our side, Ms. Alice Pan. How I wish that there is a getting to know part but usually...it is being carried out by the parents without them knowing.

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Originally Posted by princess of darkness213

Arranged Marrige's usually come with tradition in differnet cultures. Goring up with a European background and in North America thankfully I dont' have to worry about that being a situation my family would force me into. I don't agree with them. People should be free to marry whom ever they wish because they're in love with that person. Although there are some successful arranged marriages and the people may be happy, they'r egoing to have live with the fact that it wasn't their chosen that they love but someone else chose that other for thm. People need experience so they don't live their lives with ' What if's'. Fate is fate, but we shape our fate and we should be able to fall in love with people we meet ourselves not those forced or ' suggested' to us. That's trying to alter fate. In my opinion anyway.

Fate is something we couldn't resist. and agreeing with your opinion about shaping our fate on our choice is really an important. What I believe, fate is fate, but creating them depends on the choice we have. It is kinda hard really especially when someone is predicting your own fate.:rawrmayor:

i think my mom would probably like to arrange it at many points but she won't since it's not cultural and she wouldn't force me into something huge that I wouldn't want to do. I don't have an issue with it if thats what the person wants. I disagree with it when it becomes something out side the law like the Mormon Towns in America that practice the multiple wives thing.

In Mormon Towns, Ms. Rune?!! I was really shocked when you told me they practice multiple wives. Is it in their tradition? How many wives does a man should have?

Overall, I do not agree with arranged marriages. I think you should be free to find love even if it takes a few hard lessons before you manage it. As a mother though, the thought of being able to pick and choose who my children will marry does tickle me a bit. I'm older and wiser and would pick out a good match for them even if there was no love in the relationship. I could save them from all the abuse I went through getting my mister right. But I know what I went through was worth it, and I can always kill anyone who hurts either of them to badly. =3

Edit: and as for the Mormon thing, that isn't true. My sister is Mormon and they do not have multiple wives. The latter day saints (who broke apart from the Mormon religion) are the ones who do that. Mormons believe in obeying the law of the land above all else, and polygamy is against the law so they don't practice it.

Fun fact about arranged marriages is that they tend to last a lot longer then freely picked marriages.

Arranged marriages look on the basic need to survive rather then romance and love.
It has been proven several times that marriages based on romance and love do not last nearly as long as marriages that are arranged.

But my opinion? I dunno, I'd rather have the choice to pick the on I want to marry to, if it doesn't last, oh well, I made the best of it while I could.

Originally Posted by Jomairah

In Mormon Towns, Ms. Rune?!! I was really shocked when you told me they practice multiple wives. Is it in their tradition? How many wives does a man should have?

I think by practice they are allowed four, but it's illegal in the United States. Most of the time the girl in the relationship is incredibly under-aged, like fourteen, which is still considered pedophilia by law. That's why the "Colony" was a big deal a couple of years ago.

Originally Posted by Nissa

Overall, I do not agree with arranged marriages. I think you should be free to find love even if it takes a few hard lessons before you manage it. As a mother though, the thought of being able to pick and choose who my children will marry does tickle me a bit. I'm older and wiser and would pick out a good match for them even if there was no love in the relationship. I could save them from all the abuse I went through getting my mister right. But I know what I went through was worth it, and I can always kill anyone who hurts either of them to badly. =3

Edit: and as for the Mormon thing, that isn't true. My sister is Mormon and they do not have multiple wives. The latter day saints (who broke apart from the Mormon religion) are the ones who do that. Mormons believe in obeying the law of the land above all else, and polygamy is against the law so they don't practice it.

Thank you Ms. Nissa. Maybe its kinda difficult for a mother to dictate their children on what to do, but above all, you do what you think is right for them.

About the Mormon City, thank you for your clarification on that part. I really thought they are practicing it. I'm kinda curios Ms. Nissa, mind to tell me what is the specific religion of Mormon people could have? And those people who go astray from their religion, what do they follow after then?

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Originally Posted by MySQL ERROR

Fun fact about arranged marriages is that they tend to last a lot longer then freely picked marriages.

Arranged marriages look on the basic need to survive rather then romance and love.
It has been proven several times that marriages based on romance and love do not last nearly as long as marriages that are arranged.

But my opinion? I dunno, I'd rather have the choice to pick the on I want to marry to, if it doesn't last, oh well, I made the best of it while I could.

As for my own observation, some of relatives, cousin and few people whom I know, did last their marriage. But, the thing here is, they did last for the sake of their own children. Maybe, few of them learn how to love the man they are married with because they don't have any choice but to do so, do they?:vicky:

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Originally Posted by Runes

I think by practice they are allowed four, but it's illegal in the United States. Most of the time the girl in the relationship is incredibly under-aged, like fourteen, which is still considered pedophilia by law. That's why the "Colony" was a big deal a couple of years ago.

Do you think Ms. Rune, that most of the people there in Mormon practice it? Under age, is a little bit too much, I say. They are so young, they dont know what to do and they already entered into such state, as being married. Is that their own free will or being dictated with them? hmmm....:shock:
:vicky:

I believe a person should be able to choose who they marry, regardless. I would personally kill myself or kill the other person if I was forced to marry someone I did not want to. I love my husband more than anything and I would be devastated if I was not able to marry him. Thank goodness interracial marriages are allowed now.

Originally Posted by Cyove

I believe a person should be able to choose who they marry, regardless. I would personally kill myself or kill the other person if I was forced to marry someone I did not want to. I love my husband more than anything and I would be devastated if I was not able to marry him. Thank goodness interracial marriages are allowed now.

That's too much Ms. Cyove, if your going to kill yourself or the other person. Hehehe...but probably, I might have gone to the same idea if I were being forced too. My parents usually asked me about this arrange marriage thing and the very thing I always telling them "if you are going to put me in that kind of situation, then I'd rather be thrown in a water falls than doing something I don't want to."

:vicky:

What race do you came from Ms. Cyove, and your husband?
:vicky:

Originally Posted by Jomairah

Thank you Ms. Nissa. Maybe its kinda difficult for a mother to dictate their children on what to do, but above all, you do what you think is right for them.

About the Mormon City, thank you for your clarification on that part. I really thought they are practicing it. I'm kinda curios Ms. Nissa, mind to tell me what is the specific religion of Mormon people could have? And those people who go astray from their religion, what do they follow after then?

To tell you the truth I don't know a whole lot about any of it. My sister converted a little over a year ago and I just know some of the basics of the religion. I know about the marriage issue because they're pretty passionate about correcting that issue. The Mormons believe that Jesus came to the American continent after his crucifixion and spread the gospel, and Joseph Smith was the one who found the writings (proof) of this.

Originally Posted by Nissa

To tell you the truth I don't know a whole lot about any of it. My sister converted a little over a year ago and I just know some of the basics of the religion. I know about the marriage issue because they're pretty passionate about correcting that issue. The Mormons believe that Jesus came to the American continent after his crucifixion and spread the gospel, and Joseph Smith was the one who found the writings (proof) of this.

I see, i got it now. So this mormon's religion is somewhat like those other branches in Christianity, if I am not mistaken, like that of Jehova's Witness, Protestant, Catholic, etc. However, they do have set of different believes as well, am I right Ms. Nissa? I didn't know that there is also that kind of set of believes in Christianity. Now, this becomes more educational. :)

Thank you Miss Nissa.:vicky:

I disagree with it.

I always want to decide for myself, and I'd like to choose my partner in life. After all, in an arranged marriage people are usually forced to stay together, or so I've heard.