Lol, jks... no sex till marriage.

I'm curious.. I believe in not having sex until I'm married... but what does Menewsha think??

And why?

I believe the way I do because I think if you do it too much it'll lose it's intimacy and it'll cheapen it for you. And what better way to make something special than to save it for the one you love?

So what about you?

I don't think it should be saved for marriage, necessarily... but I do think it should be saved for someone you've been with for a while, and are certain you love and such.
I lost mine when I was only 15 (three months till 16). I regret that I lost it at such a young age, but I don't regret the person I lost it to. Not for one second. We're still together today and happy (two-almost-three) years later, with no intimacy lost.
I think one should wait until they are certain they are ready. If that means not until after marriage, then good for them. (:

I don't believe in sex after marriage, simply because now your awkward newly weds with no idea of how to be intimate with each other. You don't know how to rock each others world.

I'm with Kurai though, don't just have sex to have sex, do it with someone you really care about. Me and my current bf are working on 14 months (as of the 21st), and we've only been having sex for the past mmm I dunno 7-8? But we connect on such a deep level. We're both 18, and (as much as thinking about the future scares me) we can see ourselves married by the time we're 28. ( he wants to wait until he finishes uni, and I have a lot of things I want to do before we tie the knot). We just click with eachother ya know?

...I always wondered about the belief that you should have sex before marriage because it helped you not be "an awkward newly weds with no idea of how to be intimate".

If you can't figure it out after you're married, you were probably hopeless before getting married, too. Learning with someone you're in a deep, and wonderful, fulfilling relationship with? Great. I find a lot of those happen to be married couples.

Personally, I'd rather wait until marriage.

I think the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex is rather naive and short-sighted. Certainly, if you don't want to have sex at any time for any reason, that's completely your choice and more power to you, but as a rule? Celibacy until marriage seems to rely entirely on the idea that in a long-term relationship, the physical just doesn't matter at all. What if you find out your sexual needs and those of your partner are completely different? Before marriage, it's not a big deal. Marriage, however, complicates matters a great deal. It's a lot more difficult to get a divorce than it is to break up. Combine that with how many, if not most, of the people who support waiting until marriage also view marriage as a sacred if not divine institution and one not subject to refunds, so to speak, and you've got at least one, probably two people who will never, ever be sexually satisfied. Or, you know, they start cheating on one another. That's a huge risk, and for what? Having sex does not give up anything, it doesn't make it less fulfilling or "intimate" (not sure how you can have non-intimate sex) the next time or when you have it with someone else. You're not stealing anything from your potential future spouse, either. They do not own you when you get married, they sure as hell don't own you before you two meet, and they have absolutely no rights to any part of you at all except what you grant them, and only on your terms. It's that mentality that kept spousal rape legal for so long. The only issue I can see is perhaps an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy, but despite what a whole lot of people seem to believe, unwanted pregnancies are as much an issue within a marriage as without. So, ideally, you shouldn't ever have sex, period.

And of course, this entire argument is extremely heterocentric. Oh, that's all well and good that you people think sex should wait until marriage, but not everyone can get married, at least not to someone they'd ever want to have sex with. So, I guess gays just don't get to have sex.

Personally, I'm glad I haven't waited for marriage. I have no desire to get married, and as I mentioned in the last paragraph, there's no guarantee I'll ever be able to even if I did. I know what I like and what I don't, I know what I'm comfortable with and what makes me never want to be touched by a person ever again, I know what I need and I know what I'm capable of giving my partner. I am very glad I figured all this out before I got married and potentially had to choose between having unsatisfying sex for the rest of my life or getting a divorce.

Originally Posted by Mirana

...I always wondered about the belief that you should have sex before marriage because it helped you not be "an awkward newly weds with no idea of how to be intimate".

If you can't figure it out after you're married, you were probably hopeless before getting married, too. Learning with someone you're in a deep, and wonderful, fulfilling relationship with? Great. I find a lot of those happen to be married couples.

Personally, I'd rather wait until marriage.

I'm sure it wasn't directed at me, but since you quoted me I'll answer.

Well think about it this way. You and your other are both virgins. Okay, your first time should be something special (it isn't always, but hey we're hypothetical here), and your first time as a married couple is a huge emotional combination, simply due to the fact that this is your love, this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. (Remember this is just how I view it)

If neither of you knows how to give that 'just right' touch, or what the other really finds erotic or sensational. I'm not saying they'll never figure it out after marriage, just the first couple times could end up a mess (either a laughing/ giggling mess, or a horrible scramble of embarassment or even painful).

Also Keyori brings up wonderful points about the disapointments of marriage (either sexual or not) leading to cheating or costly divorces. The people who don't get married, the wonderful people who should get married but society denies them the right.

*shrugs* but what do I know. Everything I say is always opinion and my veiws often differ from others.

"...yeah...with a stick maybe..."

In all honesty, I don't understand the difference between having sex before or after marriage. Honestly, what makes it any different when you're wearing a ring from when you're just silly kids in high school?

It's not anymore intimate after signing a Wedding Certificate and going through a huge, most times unnecessary, ceremony that is supposed to prove to your loved one that they are the only one for you. I'm sure there is a lot of sentimental value; at the same time, however, that sentiment is like a sappy Valentine's Day card that can be tucked away underneath one's desk or rug.

I've always told myself to wait for marriage. Not because of religion or anything, just because it seemed like a grown up thing to do, and the only grown ups I knew were my parents and anyone else that was married.

Now I'm going into my twenties and I realize that all of my friends, even those lame gamers that I knew from my nerd clubs, are doing it. I've been with the same guy for three years and the idea has crossed our minds many, many times. But now that we're going to different colleges, my friends already assume that we do nothing but sleep together when we're around each other..

I think I've hit the point in my life where -everyone- my age has done it, and now I'm a weirdo. :/
I don't care, I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore. I just know that I'm happy where I am and I imagine my boyfriend is okay with all of it too, otherwise he'll dump my ass and get a real girl to sleep with him. o.o

I'm kind of if-y on the subject of abstinence until marriage. I'm Catholic and it says to wait until marriage in the bible, but I also think that if you wait until you have been together with someone for a long time, you really love them, they really love you, you both connect, and you both are ready than it shouldn't matter if you're married or not. Because, as long as you are connected like that and it's not just a boyfriend that only wants you for sex, than it is the exact same thing as having sex until marriage. You waited for someone you cared about, you waited a good length of time, and you are both ready. Besides actually having the ring on your finger, there is no difference. I have found though that only 14% of high school sweethearts who marry stay married and don't divorce. Just a little fact there. Now I am definitely not saying throw yourself at anybody and open your legs, but it is a personal choice. I just believe that finding someone you deeply care about, connect with, love, is more important in the equation of having sex than actual marriage itself is.

I think sex is based on trust and that trust is most commonly and safely expressed with love. If two partners are willing and ready to have sex, essentially I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

@ Philomel: I see your point. But I guess what it comes down to is how you see marriage isn't it? And what you said about gays... to be honest I hadn't even thought of that, I live in a country where gays can get married if they want to.

As for the rest of you. I'm glad to see so many opinions on the subject. :) This subject has always intrigued me.

I've always liked the idea of waiting until you find the right person and not just going around having sex with anyone. I don't really see a point in waiting until marriage though. I think in relationships you get to a point where you can pretty much tell if you want to stay with this person forever. If you're already with someone a long time, waiting around until you get married just seems so unnecessary and a waste of time. I had been in my relationship for seven years when we finally did it. Part of the reason it took so long was that it started out as a long distance relationship so distance prevented us from actually being together for a while, and then when we were I took my time getting to know him in person and making sure he was the same in person as he was online, and our ages, since we were teenagers at the time and even without the whole distance thing, I wouldn't have wanted to rush into having sex at a young age. So I waited until I was an adult and and spent time with him in real life before I made that decision. And I think seven years in general is plenty of time. I don't see why I should have to wait any longer. It's been nine years now. I'm still glad I did not wait. We are not married yet and I have no idea when we will be, and I would not want to feel like I was sitting around waiting to do something when I would have no idea and no plans for when it would happen.

I think in some ways sex is important for serious adult relationships and I wouldn't want to continue refusing such a thing for so long into a relationship. As it is we don't even do it very often mainly due to me being afraid of pregnancy and not feeling like risking it and also lack of privacy. I guess one good thing about waiting until marriage would be having your own place and not worrying about family being home and not finding time for private things, but then plenty of people who aren't married have their own place anyway. If we had enough money we would get our own place, and I would like to be able to move out as soon as I have the money.

Basically I think if you are going to "save yourself" it should be for when you find the special person that you love, rather than for marriage. To me, if you love someone it shouldn't really matter if you're married yet or not. I don't really see how that would instantly change things and make it okay.

@Vickicat : The thing with marriage though, is that if someone is willing to marry you then you know that they're willing to stay with you forever... Idk. I see your point though

Originally Posted by carzeebear

@Vickicat : The thing with marriage though, is that if someone is willing to marry you then you know that they're willing to stay with you forever... Idk. I see your point though

True, but sometimes people can't get married right away (and I think rushing into marriage is a bad idea - rushing into sex can be a bad idea too, but sometimes the timing of it makes more sense of the sex to come first I guess). I know my boyfriend wants to stay with me forever, we've talked about the future as far as jobs, careers, finishing college, buying a house, stuff like that and he's shown no indication of me not being in his future. A couple of my friends have asked him when he's going to marry me, and he says he doesn't know because he doesn't have a job or money yet, and it's true. I don't know what we'd do if we got married... Continue living in my parents' house? Seems like a kind of strange situation. I think my mom wants to know if we're ever getting married though, she hints at things like that when talking to him about stuff but he doesn't pick up on her hints at all, to my relief, because it's a bit embarrassing. I guess if someone is able to get married fairly quickly while being completely sure about the decision and not having to wait around to do things like finishing college and having enough money, then waiting until marriage isn't a big deal. It's just that when other things make it not such a good time in life to get married, but you're still in love, that it seems pointless to wait.

I am much too physical of a person to wait until marriage. That being said, however, I only find sex to be fulfilling if the person I am with is someone who I care about greatly. I've tried doing the whole not-caring sex thing, and it just didn't really do anything for me.

As far as I'm concerned--wait until it's someone that you care about who cares equally for you. It doesn't matter if you're married or not. If the relationship is one that has the potential to last as long as a marriage (heh, that's not hard if you compare to some marriages) and you both want to--why not?

(Casual sex... Erk. I'm not interested. But some people are. If you want to do that sort of thing, I think it's fair to know what you're getting into from the start and make sure that both you and whoever you sleep with know what guidelines there are, because otherwise it could turn into an awkward mess for everyone. If you've got it all figured out and it's all good, then.... *shrug* It's your choice.)

I'm waiting for sex until marriage because I don't want STD's. No, not everyone who has sex before marriage gets STD's, but the amount of people who get STD's nowadays is increasing, especially since most people don't get check-ups at the doctor's for it and don't use condoms and I don't feel like a moment of pleasure is worth a life time of disease unless I really, really, really love the person and want to be with them for my whole life and there's no other way.

As far as I am concerned about sex being special, I don't expect it to be special at all.

You know, when I was younger I felt that it would be better to have sex after marriage, but now it seems in a way silly. If you both love each ohter deeply, and you both can connect on that level, then why not? Just don't do it for the fun of it is all, it should be done with someone who means something to you in that sense.

Originally Posted by The Enchanted Tiara

I'm waiting for sex until marriage because I don't want STD's. No, not everyone who has sex before marriage gets STD's, but the amount of people who get STD's nowadays is increasing, especially since most people don't get check-ups at the doctor's for it and don't use condoms and I don't feel like a moment of pleasure is worth a life time of disease unless I really, really, really love the person and want to be with them for my whole life and there's no other way.

As far as I am concerned about sex being special, I don't expect it to be special at all.

As to STDs, I know most people don't check, but I think if you're with someone and feel like sex is an option, y'all can both just go get checked then, you know? I think if both partners are sort of like, doing it for each other, it's not a big problem.
And I didn't think it was that special. I mean, it was special, but it's not what everyone makes it out to be.

I believe that we should do whatever we want. I don't see a problem in abstinence or sex before marriage. It's all a matter of preference and the morals in which you are taught while growing up.

Originally Posted by carzeebear

@ Philomel: I see your point. But I guess what it comes down to is how you see marriage isn't it? And what you said about gays... to be honest I hadn't even thought of that, I live in a country where gays can get married if they want to.

As for the rest of you. I'm glad to see so many opinions on the subject. :) This subject has always intrigued me.

I am pretty sure you live in New Zealand. If that is the case I am going to have to correct you. Gay marriage is not legal here, Civil Unions are. While it is certainly a good step which the Labour government took, it is not the same as having same sex marriages.

As for the sexual part, one should not be underestimate the importance a fulfilling sex life can have for an individual. There is a fair amount of literature on the role that unsatisfying sex lives can play in the subordination of individuals in society, most commonly females. This is not to say that people should be forced to have sex before marriage. But like God, I would also hope they choose their sex patterns on their own accord. Not as a result of a rule imposed upon them.

I agree with Crimson. The role of sex in a healthy life should not be underestimated. Being satisfied with your sex life is an important part of emotional health.

@ Crimson Fang... oops! I didn't know there was a difference?

Originally Posted by Hermes

I agree with Crimson. The role of sex in a healthy life should not be underestimated. Being satisfied with your sex life is an important part of emotional health.

This makes two times in one day! I was clearly on a roll :squee:

Originally Posted by carzeebear

@ Crimson Fang... oops! I didn't know there was a difference?

There are some differences between the two. That you would confuse the two is perfectly understandable. As the opposition to the Bill tried to portray it as same sex marriage. I was in high school when it was getting debated in parliament, and I recall understanding it as legislating for same sex marriage.

This makes two times in one day! I was clearly on a roll

I like to imagine this is a comment about sex.

As to civil unions, I used to think that would be a reasonable substitute for gay marriage that would be less controversial, but nowadays I think it's about what marriage is, not just the legal portion of it that they would get through civil unions.