Today my friend said to me, i consider people to not have sexualities. When i asked why she replied," a guy can say he is heterosexual which means he is attracted to girls, but not be attracted to all girls like only liking blonds or brunettes which would mean that he is not attracted to girls per say but attracted to blond/brunette girls. Another thing is when a man is in prison there is a large chance he will have sex with a man, just because its sex." Which says to me sex is sex right? so why do we need to label ourselves with a sexuality in the same way that we call ourselves emo or jocks? People are people and sex is sex right?

I can't say I totally agree with you.
I get your point, but sexuality isn't specifics, it's which gender(s, bisexual) you like. Yes, you may not like specific ones and have a preference but i'm sure if the guy you used met a redhead that he enjoyed being around, her hair color won't hold back how attracted to her he is.

I never thought of it this way. I just thought people were either straight, bisexual, homosexual, etc.

You know, I have never thought of it that way. It makes things a lot more difficult for me, to find my place.

I always thought it would be good to be classified as something, like, everything has it's place. But, I am finding myself to be a hard thing to classify, which has really made me think about my values...

I always thought of myself as straight, except for those times when I had my breath taken away by a girl. But as I have matured and grew, I have found that I do like girls as well, and I have fallen in love with one. This has made me Bi, or so I thought. For a while, I thought of myself as Pan, but I'm no where near as gender blind as some people say.

It makes me confused about what I am supposed to be, and what I am. :\

I agree and don't. I agree that people get too stuck in thinking about sexuality and trying to label themselves accordingly, which can cause problems for people who don't identify with any of the labels readily available. Sex is sex and people are people, I agree. I don't agree that it's because of these specifics, I'm sorry but I think that's nonsense. I am attracted to people in general and don't identify with any specific sexuality, but I definitely have my preferences all the same.

Being able to say you're straight, gay, bi, pan, whatever, is a very easy and convenient way to tell people about very wide and general preferences, but at least it makes the pool a bit smaller. Saying 'I like brunettes and redheads, curvy, with piercings and preferably tattoos, freckles and long nails' both takes long to explain and is also a way of closing the door on a lot of people which, like Soul pointed out, you might actually get attracted to even if they're not your ideal type. A lot of people are pretty sure in that they fit with a specific sexuality - have never felt anything toward a person of the same/opposite sex, or have felt things toward people of more than one sex, so it's convenient to be able to fit yourself with that sort of identity without feeling you're closing the door on people you may potentially get attracted to if you gave it a chance.

I'm probably ranting too much, I really need sleep.. I just hope this makes some sense.

Edit: And ChaosCass, I'm pretty much in exactly the same boat. I've given up on the label crap, I just like people. I wouldn't say I was genderblind since I have preferences between genders, which is also why I felt uncomfortable with pan.

I don't like gender or sexuality labels because it's not just black and white. There are a lot of gray areas. I don't know why people feel the need to label themselves for the sake of fitting in.

Mystic, I'm the same. Well, I know why people do it, because it's comfortable and easy and not as scary as standing out. But there's an immense amount of freedom in breaking away from that, which I'm experiencing a lot lately as I've been breaking free from all kinds of labels and things. Feels amazing. :)

I agree. I used to be into all the labels and all that. Then I sat down and really thought about it and the fact that I don't really stick to one sexuality type so I stopped worrying about it. I agree that it feels a lot better than having to worry about explaining yourself to people.

I have to say I disagree. I agree sex is sex, so some people would have sex with anyone because they like it. But I think sexuality is who you are attracted to or what sex you plan on marrying. You can experiment with a girl if you're a girl, and still be heterosexual, everyone has the urge to try new things.

Also, I love guys with brown hair and green eyes, but all my crushes ended up being blonde and my boyfriend has brown hair, but has these really beautiful hazel colored eyes, so you're idea of what you like can change once you know a person or see that it looks good on that person.

I think there are a lot of people out there who are somewhere in the middle, but most lean more towards one side than the other. There is a scale called the Kinsey Scale that zero meaning one extreme to ten being the other side of the scale from being totally straight to being totally homosexaul. I think there are a lot of ones and twos and nines and eights and very few fives, true bisexuals are far and few. Sexuality does have need for not so much labels, but it helps people who are having identity crisis to figure out what it is or rather who it is they may be possibly looking for.

First off, the prison comment is just....laughable.
Sex is meaningless unless you give it meaning - so sex for the sake of sex has nothing to do with sexuality in my books.
I personally feel that a persons sexuality is whatever they want it to be - it's part of how one identifies themselves.

Which is why 'labels' are so nice. :]

Though, they aren't for everyone.

Right now I could call myself a 'Zac-asexual', because I don't find myself attracted to anyone but my boyfriend anymore. I no longer find myself saying 'oh so and so is cute', and if I do - it's when I'm with people, and I'm agreeing with them and acknowledging someones physical beauty and not because I'm attracted to said person.
That being said, I also think sexuality is something that shouldn't be sweated. Some people identify with it more,, [like H-core GLTBQ folks that like to parade around and such. x3] and some don't care at all.

So once again. Sexuality is really just dependent on the person.

There isn't a label for my "sexuality".
And if there is, I don't care for it.

Personally, I don't see the point in attempting to label your sexuality outside of your current relationship status.

For example, if someone asks me what my sexuality is, I tell them that I am in a long-term, committed heterosexual relationship. Because that's all that matters; me and the husby, anyone else, no matter their genitalia, is a no-go.

But to say that if anything happened to my partner in the future, or we were no longer together for whatever reason, out of all the women in the whole world, there wouldn't be one out there that I could fall in love with? Well, that's a pretty huge assumption to make.

Originally Posted by x_cannibalisticcows

First off, the prison comment is just....laughable.
Sex is meaningless unless you give it meaning - so sex for the sake of sex has nothing to do with sexuality in my books.
I personally feel that a persons sexuality is whatever they want it to be - it's part of how one identifies themselves.

Which is why 'labels' are so nice. :]

Though, they aren't for everyone.

Right now I could call myself a 'Zac-asexual', because I don't find myself attracted to anyone but my boyfriend anymore. I no longer find myself saying 'oh so and so is cute', and if I do - it's when I'm with people, and I'm agreeing with them and acknowledging someones physical beauty and not because I'm attracted to said person.
That being said, I also think sexuality is something that shouldn't be sweated. Some people identify with it more,, [like H-core GLTBQ folks that like to parade around and such. x3] and some don't care at all.

So once again. Sexuality is really just dependent on the person.

I think that statement she made about prison sex was definitely funny. I don't think that guys have sex with guys just because its sex, because if it isn't in them, they may experiment but if it isn't there it's not ultimately going to work. I think some guys like she said do want sex, so they find the guy that has a body closest to a woman, and experiement (while some just can't get themselves to even experiment) and some just find that they can do it and then get out and definitely prefer women anyday. Are they gay? No, just straight guys who have some bi tendencies that could be acted on.

Well personally I find that quite right... as I tend to be drawn more towards girls in general... (somehow seems artists mostly while I can't draw XD), and I tend to avoid guys a lot... especially since muscles are eww. But as for sexuality and such it's true I don't base any of it off gender.

Honestly the first person I confessed to, was a (really close now) friend online... and I had no clue of their gender at the time. :lol: so idk... I prefer personality, but I figure if they were A instead of B I can adapt my brain to wrap around it after a week or two... just takes time.

I don't think your friend's argument holds up. Just because, for instance, a heterosexual female isn't physically attracted to every single male she meets, that doesn't make her any less heterosexual. She still has a strong preference for males as sexual partners, and that is what the label "heterosexual" is intended to communicate. For me, that's what labelling your sexuality is all about - communication. Stating who you are most likely to be attracted to is not the only necessary piece of information to communicate in order to set about finding your ideal partner, but it's one of the easiest and least personal ones, and it's generally considered pretty important. After all, most people would not want to have a romantic relationship with someone with whom they know they would be sexually incompatible.

As for the prison part, sexual behaviour =/= sexual identity. If a gay man in denial slept exclusively with females, would that make him any more attracted to females or any less attracted to males? No. You can't make generalisations about someone's sexual identity or the levels of attraction they feel towards anyone of any gender solely by looking at what they do in bed.

kinda puts it in a different perspective and in a way i guess your friend would be right then again in a way shes not completely correct

Originally Posted by Rainy Day

I don't think your friend's argument holds up. Just because, for instance, a heterosexual female isn't physically attracted to every single male she meets, that doesn't make her any less heterosexual. She still has a strong preference for males as sexual partners, and that is what the label "heterosexual" is intended to communicate. For me, that's what labelling your sexuality is all about - communication. Stating who you are most likely to be attracted to is not the only necessary piece of information to communicate in order to set about finding your ideal partner, but it's one of the easiest and least personal ones, and it's generally considered pretty important. After all, most people would not want to have a romantic relationship with someone with whom they know they would be sexually incompatible.

As for the prison part, sexual behaviour =/= sexual identity. If a gay man in denial slept exclusively with females, would that make him any more attracted to females or any less attracted to males? No. You can't make generalisations about someone's sexual identity or the levels of attraction they feel towards anyone of any gender solely by looking at what they do in bed.

I believe this is one of the best responses I have heard about sexuality. Well spoken!!

Sexuality is just too darn complicated these days. It's probably one of the reasons why I consider myself to be Asexual.


I don't want anything to do with either gender sexually. Sometimes I wish I had no gender at all, as I think it would make things SO much easier. I am more comfortable hanging around girls, though, but I think that's just because I am terribly shy around boys. Not sure what it is, but I get flustered and just clam up. When I wonder about having a romantic relationship someday, I see myself with a guy. But whatever, that's just me- I'm rambling. XD

My point is, I don't consider sexuality to be a big deal. I hope that one day the rest of the world will feel that way, too. In the big scheme of things, I think there are a lot more important things to worry about, like global warming and whether or not extra terrestrials will care enough to come all the way to Earth to enslave us or blow up the planet. :rofl: