*looks at ground* i need some advice..
.
*sighs* ok heres the deal... a year ago my fiance was working on a car with his buddys girlfriend. i was at workk all the time then.
it used to just be the two of them at the empty house together, workin on the subaru alone together while im at work and he wouldnt tell me when he got there only affter . no big deal though cause i trusted him to not hide anythin from me cause i didnt trust this girl with me man... but i trustED him so. its cool

anyway he told me a few months ago that he was secretly talking to her behind my back cause he needed some advice bout OUR relationship.
(thats kinda not cool but its ok)
but he wont tell me what they talked about, the main thing is that he hid talkin to her from me. and it was about us... why hide it and lie about it when asked??
. the only thing i can get out of him is that he needed advice cause we were fighting then.... but now he says he cant remember what the advice was

... but he said it helped us...ok.....

i guess im just gonna drop it i dont see why i bothered to type this much anyway.
i love him and when you love someone you just let certain things go...

even if they eat u up they will eventually go away
=killer wifet

So then, what sort of advice do you need dear?
It would help if you were specific.

i posted it in the other place um... life issues i think??????

well...I mean he didn't actually do anything with her...they just talked right? I don't see how that would be any different from him asking a male buddy for relationship advice.
Sometimes we all need an outside opinion, I don't understand why you would be upset about that.
Now the fact that he hid it from you and lied about it, now that is a problem. Maybe he did it because he didn't want you to be upset about it. The best thing to do would be to drop it, but not with out telling him why you're hurt and reacting the way you are. Encourage him to be truthful with you even if its going to upset you. Its important to be honest and open with each other.

I'd say to accept it and let it pass
It doesn't sound to me like he did any harm. Its no different than how you are posting on here and telling a bunch of strangers about it. He was talking to someone he knew and was probably a good friend. At least it was just a friend thing and he was caring enough to make your guys' relationship work out. I'd say that it was a nice thing for him to do, actually.

Hmm.....guy issues are always a problem.... Cool avvie btw Suona~

i know everybody its alot deeper than what ive typed but i do agree with all of u and i have dropped the issue. even though i get that feeling in my gut still when he brings her up or talks about her, i just cant keep on lettin it get in my way or the way of our happines...
thank u all for listening
i wish i could have explained it better but its over now.

^^

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Originally Posted by G a n a

Hmm.....guy issues are always a problem.... Cool avvie btw Suona~

urs is gonna look awesome when u get some clothes on ya know?
whats ur theme gonna be? or r u just kickin it out to see how it all works out

Well, if I were you, I would just drop it and not be bothered by it - maybe he really doesn't remember.

On the other hand, perhaps you should make it clear that it would be really nice if you knew when he was
talking to her (like if he told you that day), even if he doesn't tell you what they talked about.

Originally Posted by Zilithandria Moonlight

Well, if I were you, I would just drop it and not be bothered by it - maybe he really doesn't remember.

On the other hand, perhaps you should make it clear that it would be really nice if you knew when he was
talking to her (like if he told you that day), even if he doesn't tell you what they talked about.

exactly!!
see my thing is... if its innocent... why hide it? you should have to keep innocent things secret.

but ive already asked him to do that and the girl done moved out of town to florida so its ok now . he said that when he's with / talking to another female he wil let me know he does not allow me to talk or hang with boys unless he is there.
so i think it will work out now.

Excuse me? You can't hang out or even talk with the guys unless he is there but he can hang out and talk with other women without you there? No, no, sweetie. You do not let anyone tell you you can not do things like that. That seems to be either a trust issues between you guys or a control issue on his part. If he can hang out and talk with members of the opposite sex without you then you have a right to hang out with and talk to whoever the hell you want whether he is there or not and if he tries to tell you otherwise screw him. You should not let someone do things like that to you.

see the delima here now?? thats why i got so upset... if he is so worried about me when he doesnt have to be , why am i not allowed to be worried about him.. its cool though i guess cause he has showed me i can trust him, cause when were around each other he acts ok. but he is a guy so when im not there he is still one of the guys.
and i gave up all my guy friends for him and then eventually i gave up the chicks cause they were talking bad about him. its been like this for two years almost.
so its just me and him. the only reason why i worry cause there is never an outside opinion...
his friends are my friends.. thats how we worked it out, and i freak out on him all the time cause his friends wont tell me if something is going on or whatever but he gets so angry and flips out when im nice to another man.. even when he is there i cant talk to a boy for more than 5 minutes and i cant be nice or he thinks im flirting..

i know this sounds like a terrible relationship but he really is good to me. best guy i have ever been with. he is so smart and can fix anything he is fun and really good with his common sense. its just hard to be perfect for him cause i had to change almost everything about myself for him....
*sigh*
wish u guys were around so i could have someone to talk to about this...
i love him and i wanna be with him i just dont know how much longer i can do it... i miss my buddys and i miss hangin out with people... now i just stay around the house all the time avoiding people

but i think him and i got everything worked out.

Killer Wifey, listen to me.
He's too controlling.
If he can't let you be yourself and have your own friends,
and yet he can be himself and have his own friends,
then there's something wrong here.

I'm not just talking out of thin air.
My ex-step-father never wanted to take us anywhere -
not to the museum, not to the park, not even to someone else's home.
It even got to the point where we started not going to Church at least half of all Sundays.
He was also borderline abusive towards me.

I'm not saying your boyfriend is or will be abusive to you,
but even so he's being too controlling.
You have the right to be your own person and have the friends you need -
there's no reason he can and you can't.
He needs to get over his paranoia or get out of your life before he seriously damages your heart and soul.

your sweet thanx.
but i dont know...
he has given up stuff for me too though thats the things its has been both ways i just didnt ask him he just did it.
i dont think he is controllin if were both goin through it.
he gave up his chicka friends and i gave up my dude friends
and watever.. i dont know. i really care about him and i dont wanna think about him like this and i dont its just when i sit down and explain everything .. it really does look bad doesnt it?? but it doesnt feel like it it was just the girl thing that bugged me and brought it all out
i think im just freaking out and need too give it a rest...
but you guys might be right
i dont know ladies i dont wanna lose him. he is really awesome and i do love him, i mean, i let him put a diamond on my hand...><

im a mess


you all are so awesome for listening i really needed someone to talk to and u all were there.. thank you so much

Well, if he's made the sacrifices too, then I guess he's okay. :)

Just warn him that he better be REALLY SUPER NICE to you or I'm gonna come over there and give him the beating of his life. :XD

lol ok u rock

I agree that he does seem controlling. I had a really good friend of mine date a guy that started telling her not to hang out with certain people. He slowly made it so that his friends were the only people she was friends with. He treated her nice for a few years of the relationship then it started to get abusive. It started off as him just getting mad over little things like being out too late or her talking to someone that he was not friends with then in progressed to the point where he was hitting her every night and she was always being thrown out of the house and he even left her places if he got mad when they were out. He too said he was 'giving up" on some of his friends for her. Which is why your situation worries me.

I am hoping it's not that way with your guy's relationship because things like that are something no one should have to go through. I've seen cases where women don't even realize it's going on or they think it's not too bad at first then it just gets worse. Just remember, you should always be treated like a princess and he should never be making you feel like you are not.

well its over...
i forgot to delete the history on the computer last night
and when i came into the room he was yelling, "what the hell is this shit"
"i cant fucking trust you"
"its over"
blah blah blah...
he saw that i was on menwsha and im not supposed to be on these things he said. but i really needed someone to talk to and i tried to explain that but he just brought up that i got mad at him when he talked about our problems to that female i was mentioning here. i tried to explain to him that it was different cause he was alone with another female talking about how bad his girlfriend is to him...
here i dont even know u people and i know u guys wouldnt judge me like she did cause she totally started trying to fuck us on our relationship

but anyway while i was trying to explain to him that i didnt know u people and u guys were from accross the world and tat i wasnt cheating and he had no real reason to be upset but he waS.
we fought and he broke shit and threw computers. i tried to sleep on the couch but he told me to just come in the room cause he cant sleep without me... he said this after it was over...
he said he thought we put all this shit behind us and i wont stop doing things behind his back...
*the whole time i was keeping my tone down.. i wanted to yell so bad but i didnt yell.. it would have made things worse*

i dunno... i havent started packing yet... i dont wanna go..
he is at work and i know he is goin to regret sayin all those things just like i would regret sayin all this to someone i love...
it hurts everytime he does this..
i just dont see why he got so mad at me bein on here.. i needed someone to talk to and i couldnt go to thim cause he would get angry like last night...

Sweetie, you do not deserve that shit. Fuck him. You can do better than that. You don't need a controlling ass hole to tell you you can't do things. I really hope that you leave him and do not go back to him no matter what he says. Honestly, to throw a fit because you were on the internet is really immature and it is controlling. If you can, move out ASAP. Don't listen to anything he says because guys like that use mind games to get women to stay with them. They'll say they're sorry and that they love them and whatever it takes to keep control over them.

I'm sorry if I sound like a bitch or what not but I've seen relationships like that more than a few times and I know how hard it is to deal with someone that you love manipulating you like that. It's honestly not worth it. He's not going to change no matter what he says and it's just going to get worse. I really hope things work out better for you.

i knew he would say sorry,
he called me asking what i was doin and i told him im packin and leavin cause that what he wants
and he broke down and did the whole apology thing of how we can start over and forget the past
be happy and he loves me and he doesnt wanna see me go..

he was real sweet
and he says sorry every time..
i dont wanna go.. and i got till 6 tonight to decide and its 130 now..

if i leave mystic my lifes gonna do a complete turn around.. i dont even know if my parents are gonna take me back to live with them.. and i cant find a job and his family was supposed to be gettin me in at the hospital..
im sure i can get my life straight and settled if i leave but i dont know if im ready for another dramatic change like this.. ivwe been moving all my life... ive been sittin here for over an hour now with a bag next to me tryin to figure if i go or not...
im never goin to find another guy like him.. he's so witty and smart and strong and he knows how to be sweet, he's just a guy..... no one has ever treated me so good... i know he is controlling ive always stuck up for him but i know he really is.. i just deny it when his friends tell me..
i dont mind him tellin me what to do all the time, he just doesnt know when to give me any breathing room... maybe if i talk to him bout it....><
i dont know if i should go... my dads already askin me whats up... two years i been here.. i dont know if i wanna throw it all away... but i dont know if i can putt up with this much longer i feel depressed and like im bout to snap.. but if i dont have him my heart is heavy and im even more miserable.....

such a delima..

i really shouldnt be postin all this and botherin u guys with it.. i just really dont know what to do and i really dont have any one to talk to that i can turn to with this except my dad and he is no help....><
*sigh.. sits on bed and twiddles thumbs lookin around*

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((well just think of the gold ur rackin in from these posts.))
but dont let me hold u up from ur fun.. ill be ok i just need to figure out what the next move is..

I ended up having to move back in with my parents before too. I know how that goes. Sometimes it's for the better to start all over and have a new life. It's hard to break out of the same routines.