Brainstorming The Long Distance Relationship: Ideas?
 

Hey guys! My significant other just moved a five hour drive away for school-purposes. So there's that! :O :yumeh2:

Rumor has it that I am not the only one who has ever been in a long-distance relationship.

Have any of you ever been in one?
Do you think it's a good idea/ bad idea? Does your answer change based on what the situation is? And then,

What are your best ideas for maintaining a long distance relationship? What would you do? How would you prioritize different aspects of the relationship? Feel free to brainstorm in the most verbose way possible. :P



When dating my ex-girlfriend, before she came out, we sometimes had to mimic long-distance relationship tendencies. We weren't able to constantly be around each other... we used to have "movie dates" where we watched the same movie at the exact same time while on the phone together, talking about the movie and shamelessly flirting the entire time. It was fun and cute. More than slightly dorky, now that I think back.

I'm in my first long distance relationship right now, so I'm not all that experienced with it yet.
We're literally on the opposite side of the country from each other. I'm in Montreal and she's in Seattle ^^;
The thing is though, I'm crazy about her and I've never been so sure about anything before and I want to do everything in my power to make this work.
We talk every day, whether it be on msn, texting, facebook, ventrillo or even on WoW since we both play that. Because of that, we already know quite a bit about each other and what our personalities are like. Which I think is very important.

Like you mentioned, we have a movie date planned, which is a great idea. And it's pretty dorky, but we have dates in WoW too. We'll go and do old dungeons and achievements together. It's actually a lot of fun.

So I guess just like any relationship, you want to keep good communication with the other person.

I first met my current boyfriend online 5 years ago. Our relationship was being 1000 miles away from each other but still loving every moment we talked. We would do the movie thing, do the skype thing, the phone thing... And yes, still managed to have some hawt cyber lovin'. He would visit me twice a year for about a month (or I would visit there) and it worked out well for us. Now he's been living with me for a year and its been amazing! I couldn't imagine being without him!

It worked out for us, and it works out for a LOT of people. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet... see how everything goes :) Just remember to always talk to together and really be there for each other. Don't let the distance get you down!

My boyfriend and I spent two years apart because we went to different schools. That was hell ):

But yeah, we had skype playdates. We played on this gaming site every Monday Night because we both didn't have morning classes the next day. And as much as I wanted to drive to see him on the weekends, he made me stay at school and focus on studying and making friends. I dunno, it sort of brought us together more, I think. Because we spent that night talking about our week and stuff. We spent every day together before we moved away, and I think spending that much time together was weird. Talking once a week felt much better. Seemed healthier, y'know? Now he moved closer and he picks me up on the weekends and I stay with him for a day or two.

I wish I could do the movie thing. It's cheesy, but in a cute way.

Long distance relationships kick ass when you're a strong enough person. I know a girl named Holly who dated a guy named Dave for 6 years. Holly lived in Mississippi, and Dave lived in Colorado. About 3 months ago she moved in with him and they're getting married in a few months. I've never seen a happier couple.

Tl;dr Long distance relationships can work, but the odds are against you.

Having things in common and a two-way determination to make things work is key.

My boyfriend and I are both pretty shy, so that's something that we sort of had to talk about - and not be afraid to talk about, you know? c: If there's problems, it's just as important to listen and communicate those issues as it is in a physical relationship.

My biggest concern when we first started out was that we'd hit a sort of road block - stuck liking each other, but with nothing left to do since we were so far away. We've managed our activities well, though, and no matter what we're doing, I always have tons of fun! I also did a lot of research on travel - how much it would cost to drive or fly from my area to his, and vise-versa, and that actually makes me feel a little better... seeing that it's possible.

While my schedule is growing progressively more hectic, we always find time for each other, whether we're texting, gaming together or talking on an internet client. To me, that makes a big difference... regardless of how far away from each other we are, we can always cheer up, support, and let each other know that we care.

Have any of you ever been in one?: Sadly enough, yes I have. It was horrible, but then again we were young. I was fourteen and he was fifteen. Very, very young. -.-; I regret it. It was stupid and foolish. But now I'm in a new one with someone better than that last one. It's amazing and not as painful as the last one. I get to talk to him legitimately whenever I want to and we skype as much as we can.

Do you think it's a good idea/ bad idea? If you're old enough to be mature about situations, then I say it is a good idea. You never know if that one person is the person you're supposed to be spending forever with. If you two are meant to be together, it will have its own ways of working out.

Does your answer change based on what the situation is? Nope. Hold on to him, girly. And when things get tough, be sure to tell him everything including how you feel about him. Let him know how much he matters to you. Try to keep in touch. There will be rough spots you have to endure though. Now I have one word for you: Skype. Or video chat. That helps out a lot. And be sure you do more phone-to-phone conversations in one month than texting.

What are your best ideas for maintaining a long distance relationship? As I have said before, be sure to tell him everything even if it's about him. Video chat and get some phone calling in there. Just be prepared for rough spots.

What would you do? I would accept it the best way I could and then be sure to try my best to show him how much I love him and how much I want him to be in my life for a long time.

How would you prioritize different aspects of the relationship? I would make it a priority to be sure to talk to him more than three times a week. Be sure to send him random texts (but not frequent) about how much I love him and all tha tlovey dovey stuff. I had once sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "They say that when your claddagh ring is facing you, your heart belongs to someone. So when my friends asked me why my claddagh ring was upside down, I told them my heart belonged to you." He loved it and it made his night.

Have any of you ever been in one?
Yes, actually I may find myself in another one in a few months.

Do you think it's a good idea/ bad idea? Does your answer change based on what the situation is?
I wouldn't recommend it unless you are both willing to put forth the effort with AT LEAST a phone call every once in a while to supplement all of the text based communication (texting, e-mail, im). It's really fucking annoying when one party gets stuck doing all of the work. You soon grow to resent the other person.

What are your best ideas for maintaining a long distance relationship? What would you do? How would you prioritize different aspects of the relationship?
The same as I said above. Obviously communication is going to play a HUGE part in the relationship so hopefully you two are able to understand one another and trust each other enough to voice your feelings/concerns over any problems you may encounter. However, it should not get to the point where one party is constantly having to shoulder the other one's burdens. Each person seeking such a relationship should be a mature individual who is secure being on their own first because, let's face it, long distance relationships are difficult and require a lot more effort than a normal face to face one. They are an investment that require a lot of time and energy and if both people are not having their needs met then things are going to fall apart sooner or later.

In conclusion, if you can't handle the curve balls that life throws at you, are not able to trust your partner, or learn to navigate the complex and often negative emotions that come with a long distance relationship then do not put yourself in a position that will harm you or the person that you care about.

5 hours is nothing. You can easily visit on weekends and things like that at least. I was in a relationship where my ex lived a bit over 1000 miles away. It was easily a three day drive and each time we'd visit one another it would cost at least $900. I would never be in a relationship like that again because I hated the fact that we couldn't see each other or touch each other. We were together for 10 years. In my opinion, most of the time it's not worth it. For some people it works but it's more stressful than anything. If there's no communication then there's something seriously wrong and if both parties are not willing to take the time to communicate with one another it's not worth it.

We broke up because we both realized that we make better friends than husband/wife. We still talk and it's still long distance since he's back with his mom now. Just the stress of the distance was not worth it in my opinion so I personally would not recommend distances where you can not see the person every now and then.

Have any of you ever been in one?
Yes, have been in about 3 serious LDRs. Including the one I'm currently in. My previous 2 I was controlled by one,
and the other.. I just pitied him! He was suicidal and depressed, most likely still easily depressed.. It was the
only reason I said yes. My current one, it's sorta... magical, I guess? It's sort of like a shoujo(girl comic), just without
the drama of others getting in my way. Even then, I don't have to worry about it, at all. He's wrapped around my
finger and I am wrapped around his.

Do you think it's a good idea/ bad idea? Does your answer change based on what the situation is?
It's a good and bad idea, good idea for experience and if it ends up working out and bad idea if it's like
how my previous LDRs were, all the other LD "relationships" were actually LD flings! >_< It definitely
depends on the situation, if you feel good about this, if your gut and heart and mind feel good..
and they feel good, and they're honest about it, it's probably a good idea to try it out. However if it's
only one of you like that, it's not going to work out at all...

It is really easy to become frustrated and fuck things up in LDRs, however as stated so many times
communication is IMPORTANT. I personally think that that can NOT be said enough! Communication
clears up all and any misunderstandings. Got a question? Missing them? Tell them, it's important
and will definitely strengthen the relationship and your determination!

What are your best ideas for maintaining a long distance relationship?
First, take care of yourself. You can't worry about anyone else if you're worrying about yourself.
Get decent self-esteem, self-worth AND self-respect before going into any kind of relationship,
things happen, people change.
Second, think carefully about WHY you're going into this, do you think it'll work out? Do you
think that you can do it? Do you think they have mutual feelings? If there's a no to any of those
questions, then I suggest not doing an LDR. As stated before me, rough spots ARE going to occur.
You'll become insecure, jealous, depressed... and many other emotions just because it's LONG
DISTANCE.
Thirdly, COMMUNICATTIOON. :u I don't feel the need to go on about why it's important
since others have already said why.

What would you do?
Not really of what I would do, but more of what I am doing.
I'm always talking to him on MSN, or Skype.. Um, I'm also getting on MSN and skype via my cell phone,
we also communicate on facebook and deviantart, and a couple of other sites. We're always talking
whenever and where ever we can. Sometimes we do what he calls "synced sleeping", pfft. x'3
Where we go to bed at the same time, and try to wake up at the same time. We have yet to do
a "movie date" or anything... But I'm thinking of planning that, oh and I'm always worrying him and he's
always worrying me, haha! Surprisingly, that's made me feel better about our relationship,
if you're not worried then do you even care? It's possible, but hey it's fun to worry sometimes! ;)

Basically, whatever you can think of. I'm always drawing things for him and he's buying me stuff and
mailing it to me! >\\<''

How would you prioritize different aspects of the relationship?
Communication is top, talk to them as often as possible, actually.
Second comes yours and their happiness, are you feeling depressed? Why?
Tell them about it, ask them how they're feeling when not with you, send things that
remind you of them to them! Recently, I read a shoujo and there was a quote in it
that was almost exactly the same thing he had said to me before, I linked him it and asked
him if he was reading my manga! He laughed and "hugged" me. :) It made both of our's
day/night! It really just helps to get your spirits up when something like that happens.
Hehe. :)

I wish you lots of luck!

The situation is essential in ldr's. Yes, I've been in one, and I'll tell you that they are generally a bad idea. There are things you will learn from an ldr that you would rarely learn from any other situation.

You will learn why people cheat, you will learn the deepest, aching, pain of loneliness if you're away from each other too long, and you will learn the meaning of flaming jealousy. You will have to deal with this.

Anyway, back to the situation. Since you were together in person first, your relationship has a much better chance of working out, but do prepare yourself for the hardships. If you don't, your relationship will fail.

And yes. Yes. Yes. I have been in an ldr. I will never do it again unless it's for a loved one and for less than two or three months.

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As per advice, Kita's tl;dr post above seems to have covered it all.

But yes, communication is key. Let it die and your relationship will die. Period and end of story.

It's not that far, my partner's 7000+ miles away and we only see each other once a year for a couple of days.

As long as you're both committed, and have lots of trust.

Skyping goes a long way. XD You can even get a plugin that specifies a contact that can automatically call you without picking up. Great for them to randomly pop in.

I never thought I'd end up in one and it's my first and only real relationship. It's painful but if you're willing to go through it, you know the other person's worth it.

Yes I have been in a long distance relationship... I liked it so much I married her =D

Most important thing for us that we emphasized was talking about anything and everything. No stone unturned. =) helped keep us from habitually keeping secrets even if it's just something embarrassing.

Also, daily talking and webcam was pretty important to us.

My husband (then boyfriend) moved 5 states away for school when we were dating, thinking back I think it was the phone calls that really kept things going. We would talk to each other every night just to say how the day was. It didn't need to be a long call and if one of us missed it...well I think there was an unspoken rule that that was fine...

Honestly we thought we were breaking up when he moved and then he called me a week later and we just kept talking. It didn't seem like a lot of work really but people think that's weird.

Course now there's texting but don't do that, the phone call made it special - hearing his voice, shouting to his room mate - we instant messaged too but that was blah...

Good luck with the relationship - from experience the first 1-2 weeks take an eternity and feel like he's gone forever but if you talk regularly and be honest you should have a shot.

PS: By honest, I mean if there's a party you're going to - just tell the other person rather than lying cause they will catch you and remember it forever...>_>

I would have to second what Nike said about texting. It's not the same as talking on the phone. It's not as personal and just hearing each other's voices makes a huge difference. I've been in relationships where the person just wanted to text and that's no good in a short distance relationship. My husband used to call me at least once a week when he lived on the other side of the country and it just made me happy. It was expensive so that's the only reason he did not call more.

@Sun: I went to the uni just a half hour drive from home, but I never went home. My friend did, and he'd always offer me a ride. It's just quieter and more fun in my dorm than it is at home.

I wish I could turn back time and have made my boyfriend go to the same college as me. I bet things would be A LOT different if that happened. I think I would have stayed in school longer. Or failed it.

Depends on the distance, I've been in a LOT of long distance relationships (I'm kiiiindof a serial monogamist, or I was in high school anyway), and most of them are really really hard work. And 100% NOT WORTH IT if you can never see the person, especially as the relationship advances... So it kindof depends on what someone is looking for.

Think about this: Are you looking for something long term or short term? I definitely do not recommend it for the long term because chances are the pain of being so far separated for so long will eventually rip the relationship to shreds if both people involved do not have lots of money to facilitate trips to visit each other. In the short term, it's not so bad, you enjoy their company when you can, and are about them like anyone else, but, you know it's going to end eventually, and you're both ok with that and are just enjoying the time for now.

Thanks for the advice, guys!

nike13: You were so right! Turns out that the days right after the move are the hardest. He and I were both miserable initially, for no reason that I could discern, and the communication was pretty bad. I guess we just hadn't settled into a routine yet? Once he started being comfortable in his new place, things got a lot easier; plus, I finally figured out how to calm his nerves. I am slooooow on the uptake. :P :roll:


A few days in, we scheduled a train visit for next weekend to take the edge off of our missing each other. And the communication has been so much better! Having something to look forward to and prepare for helps. We've been on skype daily, and usually finish out the night with a phone call. When we have downtime during the day for chores, we'll just keep the webcam on for company-- I sit doing homework while he cleans and organizes. We've actually become better at communicating about difficult topics since he left, which is impressive since it's been only just over a week. I adore this boy. I don't want to burn him out, though. Once his semester starts up, we'll have to be very careful about budgeting time-- maybe those once-a-week-phonecalls you mentioned, Nikki... although I doubt our capacity to cut back that much from our usual pace.

Things are wonderful right now. Still, I can't imagine doing this for six years! How on earth did your friends manage, Sir D . L O Van Lobsters: ?


I wonder what that would be like to attend the same college? Some aspects of long-distance might actually strengthen a relationship, I think. We're learning how to communicate, prioritize, and support each other really well right now. Plus, my schoolwork is benefiting. I'm able to focus on homework better when I can't give into the impulse for a late night with him mid-week. There's extra motivation, too: if I get everything done early this week, I won't have a scrap of work to do when I go visit him. :D

Don't mistake me, though. I've daydreamed about transferring or putting off school for a bit. It just doesn't make sense for us yet. Only two years to go... If this relationship matters as much as I think it does, we'll manage.

He's worth it. :heart:


Types of communication definitely make a difference. Texts are okay, but skype is better and phone best. We each sent each other a letter as well-- I definitely am a fan of letters. Thinking of sending him care packages as we go.