Sugar Coating: Who Does It, and Why?
 

There are things you sugar coat... and there are things you just refuse to answer. Other than that I'm pretty blunt.

I sugar coat things depending on who I'm talking to, to be honest. I do NOT like to hurt people. Not at all. So i try to find the absolute best way to say something, and not hurt someone. Other people... they feel my wrath. XD

I tell shit like I see it to the point where it can sound unkind or even rude though that's never the intention.
Perhaps part of where that comes from is the fact that I am not a quick thinker so even if I'd wanted to at a given moment I'd not likely be able to come up with a sugar coat. It also makes me quite uncomfortable to lie.

I sugar coat everything. Whether it's a negative opinion (driven by the desire to not hurt anyone) or just any opinion (low confidence, afraid of being assertive). I use a lot of "kind of"s and "maybe"s and "I don't know"s and similar words to try to dull what I'm saying. "What you did made me feel like shit" gets diluted to "I don't know, I kind of felt shitty after that."

I'd rather lie ("I just got a new phone, so I don't know my number!" "I don't use facebook" "I never saw your friend request! Damn site must have eaten it!") than reject someone.

I just feel this weird thing like I have to be nice at all times, even to people who do not deserve it. Like I don't have my own agency. I'm trying to fight against that - stop laughing when someone tells an offensive joke, say "no."

As for more harmless sugar coating... If a dear friend says they absolutely LOVE this ugly shirt they're wearing, they're so happy about it, they just paid $50 for it, and they ask what I think? Why the HELL would I want to poop on their great mood? That's not honesty, that's just being a jerk. So I say "yeah, it's great!" The only time I would say something is if they didn't seem sure about it. If they said "I dont know, it's cool but I don't think it fits me well," then I'll give them honesty. "Yeah, it's just a little baggy in a kind of unflattering way. Can you take it back and get a different size/have it altered/whatever?"

I'm actually in an awkward spot with this at the moment. I'm making a new friend. This guy is in a band. It's a metal band. Like hardcore metal. Which is... not my thing. Like at all. I'm sure he's great at what he does, but like... I can't tell who's great and who's not in that genre. I really want to support him and stuff, but... I just cannot sit through a whole set of that at a show. [lol]

I think it all depends on who I'm talking to. There's a few co-workers that would start crying if someone said anything remotely negative to them, even if it was sugarcoated so much that people across the store could taste the sweetness. Then there are others that I am blunt to, just because I know they can take it.

I also am blunt to kids as well, to a certain extent -- I'm not going to dash childhood fantasies but at the same time I also don't want have a perception that 'this and that' is true when it really isn't.

I expect my fair share of people not brow-beating around certain topics.

[lol] Clever.

Oh, I think it definitely has a lot to do with gender. Some of it being fear of repercussions, and some of it being the societal expectation that women must be nice and sweet at all times, mustn't be assertive, etc. or else they're a "bitch." I know better than that now, but it's still something I'm trying to wash out of my behavior.

It's important to always tell the truth.

Lying is wrong.

If you say something to hurt someone it's wrong, even if it's true.

If you say something because someone needs to know the truth, and they get upset, then that's not your fault, as long as you didn't say it in a hurtful way.

But lying is wrong, even if it makes someone feel better than telling them the truth.