Oh Su, I totally agree. I think we all know people who'd have turned out far better without the influence of their family [sweat]. Such is life, huh?


Mags, not me! TOUCH THE MEAT!! [insane]

Oh god, I can't stand touching raw meat. *shudder*

I have an amazing family, too, but it seems like everyone else around me has had a really poor family life. I just spoke with my roommate yesterday about family, and she had it quite unpleasant from her father. And my boyfriend's family is so shitty I can't even believe it. He would be better if he never had to be involved with that lot.

I have never once dated a guy with a good family life. It's really sad.

Me either! Every guy I've ever dated has been hit by his dad at least once. Like holy shit. [gonk]

Dude, this is a sad state of affairs we got going up in here.

Yeah, and they've all been emotionally stunted for the poor parenting too... One had intense, scary anger issues, one was incredibly immature, also with anger issues, and the current just isn't quite sure what an emotion is. Thank you, parents, for fucking up these poor men.

Yeah, most of mine just end up helpless and going nowhere. :/

Yeah, mine's a good man, but he doesn't really know how to handle emotions either. They're all seriously exaggerated. When he gets mad, he gets MAD. When he gets sad, it's the end of the world. I think it's because he's been stunted from feelings because he's so detached from his family, and because he's been smoking weed nearly non-stop since he was 12. I don't think he's use to being sober for extended periods and having to deal with those emotions regularly. They just all burst out in a confused flurry of emotion.

Yeah, weed is definitely not good for emotion management.

And the people I worked with couldn't understand why I prefer to be single, assuming there was something wrong with me because of this...[roll]

Because I'm pretty introverted, I just don't need to have to deal with someone else's drama [gonk]

Sorry, i know its kind of lame not being able to bring a woman into a good family life. I know where my parents are, but they have new sons and daughters. I know my life is pretty F**ked up. But i try to make the most of it. and im not going to let things i go through affect my relationship. or make me treat my woman with any less respect. Luckily i don't remember my father hitting me, i was two weeks old at the time i was bloodied up.

---------- Post added 04-04-2014 at 05:38 PM ----------

I don't expect the person i love to come from a good background. If they are broken, then i'm going to deal with their drama, because they might need someone to listen too. I know what its like to not have a thing, i'm going to stay by who i love regardless of who has hit them or what drama they have. If i left them for something like that, then it wouldn't be love. I don't need someone to care for me or take care of me, but that doesnt mean im not going to take care of someone else. If they are broken then i want to show them something good to them.

Why you apologising, Sam?

A partner's family is always really hit and miss. Always a 50/50 thing whether they're going to be nice or total weirdos/freaks, I think!

[ninja]

You're a good person Sam. I think Cherry and Suo and I are more lamenting that these men we've known haven't been able to be well adjusted because of their families.
I do get tired of constantly having to take care of someone, though. Three years seems to be the longest I can handle it. At some point, they need to take care of them too. Because I've got plenty of problems on my own.

Its not because of their families that they cant get better or take care of themselves. We make our own limitations by saying "i cant do this because...." when truly you are only making yourself limited by believing you cant do it. I'm sorry you all found some pretty deadbeat guys. But you know, every few rocks you find and pick up you eventually walk the path and find a fitting gemstone, even if its hidden or disguised as the other stones. They might all seem the same, but all those rocks you went through make a path for you to find something fitting and gorgeous.

---------- Post added 04-04-2014 at 05:52 PM ----------

It's okay for someone to lean on you for support, but if they just have you take care of what is truly their own problem, then they arent going to try, they have already given up, and they are going to stay limited. It's not necessary to be in a relationship. To be honest, its best to deal with your own tramaus and issues before carrying someone elses. otherwise, you will be unbalanced. It's not selfish to have to put yourself first. But it is selfish to be completely unconcerned with anything other than yourself, and to be uncaring.

Eh, I'm slowly building "requirements" for dating.

I think you can only find those personal requirements by experiencing the less than great, too ><

Sam speaks a lot of truth. I think a lot of us use the "excuse" of how we were treated as kids etc. for why we just cannot be a certain way. I know I'm introverted because I was an unwanted child, and wasn't shown any love or affection -only false accusations of lying, plus resentment and abuse - by my mum. That has absolutely made me the adult that I am, and I'm fully aware of that now, I'm unsure how much I've hidden behind it though.

Yes, this. I wasn't saying that coming from a poor family life makes you a bad partner, I was just saying that I felt bad for all the guys I've dated who didn't have a good family life. And that it clearly caused some lingering issues with them (not necessarily with you). I really should have worded my previous post more sensitively - I had just gotten up and so my brain was sort of forgetting how we got onto the conversation and that it had started with you. Very sorry about that, I hope you didn't think anything I said applied to you.

Hrmm. I'm introverted, but that's just me. But yeah, I started out as the "everyone deserves a chance" kind of dating style. And I'm slowly getting pickier and pickier.

None of the guys I've ever dated have used their parents as excuses for their behaviors. I just connected some really obvious dots. "So you tell me your dad flies off the handle every time you so much as breathe... and you get mad at me over shit no one should be mad about... HMMMMMM."

Oh no, i'm not taking any offense to it, i'm just saying :) Obviously i would only take offense to it if the shoe fitted me, but i can say honestly im not that way. I know you're just saying what you experienced :)

Well, congratulations on overcoming your background enough to not let it effect your relationships. [:)]

Does anyone else get ridiculously incensed by obviously false facebook memes?

Elaborate on what you mean by that?

Like, there is this stupid one going around that basically says "marijuana cures everything and is awesome"...and it makes me FURIOUS, because half of the stuff is not only patently false, but is also completely the opposite in reality.
Like one of the claims was that weed "prevents Alzheimer's" when studies (legitimate ones that have been peer reviewed and repeated) have shown that individuals who regularly used pot as adolescents are more likely to GET Alzheimer's.
I hate false information so much.