My mom cleans when she's angry. Here's my theory:

She can't justify her anger onto the person she's angry at, so she puts all her anger onto the mess on the floor which usually ends up being mine. Since I'm only around to clean it up when I come home for breaks, she can't yell at me for not cleaning it up. But when I am here, I'm a perfect target.

Basically, its like this. Mom is angry at boss> boss is not here, therefore is angry at mess > mess belongs to Lee, therefore is Lee's fault> Lee cleans mess.

Its really not that much of a mess. Its some artwork I brought home from college that wouldn't fit in my dorm. They were in a neat little stack hiding away in a corner where no one goes. I put them there so they would be left alone. So when she came down telling me to go through my old drawings, I thought she meant old drawings from like... middle school. I didn't know she was going to be scouring the entire upstairs.

If the upstairs is a mess, it isn't my fault. I haven't been here to make it a mess.

I really want her to just chill. She's going to give herself a stomach ulcer.

And that's my rant.

My mom does the same thing - she gets pissed at something that is of no fault of mine or my brother but she'll take it out on us anyway. We just have to obey, go along with it, complain a bit, and a little while later she'll get over it and apologize. I hate it though - one of the reasons I'm glad I'm moved out and going to college now because when I am away I don't face that wrath and when I'm home visiting she is so happy I'm home she doesn't yell at me :D lol XD

I love college. I'm so glad I only have to be home for breaks. Mom is just too... intense...

...except she doesn't apologize... >>

She just came down with another stack of papers for me to look over. We had a big bonfire over the summer. If I hadn't wanted any of my old artwork, I would have burned it. -sigh-

My mother is the exact same way your mom is. Like, I could have sworn we had the same mom for a second, quite literally. >_> When that happens, I actually have the guts to stand up to her and tell her to quit being in a pissy mood and affecting everyone else who was in a good mood before she got home. She ruins all of our days when she comes home from work in a bad mood, and we can't tell what day is going to be a good or bad one.

All I can say is just ignore it and tell her to wisen up and quit doing the wrong thing by taking her fury out on something stupid and petty. Sometimes you need to tell people off to put them in their place.

I'm going to go ahead and guess that your name isn't William. Because then we would probably have the same mom... >>

I've been ignoring it for 21 years. She just now got to the point where she knows that calling me inept, fat, lazy, etc. really hurts me and isn't going to get me to do anything for her.

Of course... you know... she couldn't take a hint. I'd been hinting to her since middle school that I don't appreciate the fat comments. I had to flat out tell her that they were hurtful. You'd think she would know this from the start.

She's full of double-edged comments... -sigh-

But anyhow, she's a little... single-minded.

Originally Posted by Hyena

I love college. I'm so glad I only have to be home for breaks. Mom is just too... intense...

...except she doesn't apologize... >>

She just came down with another stack of papers for me to look over. We had a big bonfire over the summer. If I hadn't wanted any of my old artwork, I would have burned it. -sigh-

aw - my mom used to be like "clean your art - get rid of it blahblahblah" but I never get rid of my old art - instead I just put it in a folder and put it in my closet so she can't complain.

yeah - my mom can be pretty intense as well. Sometimes it'll take her days to apologize - sometimes she doesn't and just acts like it never happens. But I'm the type that can't carry a grudge so I just let it go. Sometimes I end up apologizing first even though it clearly wasn't my fault - I just feel bad.

I don't carry a grudge, I'm just a little miffed that she's acting so puerile. The whole situation is just... really needless.

I used to keep all my art in a portfolio because the papers are huge, but I had to take the portfolio with me to college for presentations. So I can't use that anymore. And if she finds my art laying around in my room she'll go through and find another place for it so I can't find it.

As often as she gets angry... its a miracle this house continues to stay a mess.

Thats projection, and we all do it, to an extent. But your mum seems WAY overboard with it. :p

My father is like that too. He kicked me out of his house when I was 17 (Isn't it awesome how parents love calling their kids "fat and lazy" even though we learned our habits from them?), and since the only place I had to live was my car, I couldn't take all of my drawings, paintings, sculptures, books, or Living Dead Doll collection.
... when I went back to the house to get my stuff after I moved in with my mother, maybe two months later, he had THROWN IT ALL OUT! D:
THAT WAS OVER $1000 WORTH OF DOLLS! Purchased by ME! Not to mention the artwork was the only thing keeping me sane while I was stuck in his house! I didn't even ask to live there, he had been holding custody as a bargaining piece against my mum until I turned 18 and could GTFO!
He handed over two garbage bags full of my clothes and I was like... "Whatsa... ohmahgawd... where?? *faints dead on the ground*"

It didn't help that I'd had enough psychology to know that he was symbolically throwing ME out with the contents of my room, or that he was projecting his anger about the divorce onto me when he acted so irrationally (*coughpsychoticallycough*)... but I miss all of my stuff. I had a second-edition hardcover of Gray's Anatomy in there, dammit! :(

Eep! I also like to clean when I'm angry, just to have something to do to calm down with. Though really that's more in the colder months. The best way I handle anger is by going out for a walk or run. I can't see myself getting all crazy cleaning though, and it's only just my room I get at.

Taking anger out on someone is different from being passive-aggressive. For instance:

Someone keeps taking your parking spot, and you know who it is, but they don't know you know. Rather than tell them to stop, you leave nasty notes on her car/desk/locker or leave garbage around her area, or maybe you're a crazy mofo and you key her car.

It's like you take revenge on someone, but you don't tell them about it. Because you're a coward.

It's funny to think that i used to question why my mom did that (clean out of anger) But now i do the same thing. When i am upset at anything i clean. The kitchen, bathroom, my snakes cage. It was only when i moved into my own place that i realized why people clean when they are upset. It's productive. Why be pissed sitting on your couch moping about what ever the problem is when you could be distracting yourself from the trivial nagging subject? It helps to exert the excess energy.And the best part is that my house is always clean.... it's actually rather nice. besides coming home to a stinking mess left by whoever, Has never made me happy to say the least. Now if i could only apply this logic to laundry.

AH! My mother does that too! x__x I hate it, she goes nuts about it. If there is even one little thing that belongs to me or my sister that is lying around the house, she gets mad and makes us clean it up. And then she finds more things that need cleaning! Even if they really don't. I hope that I never get like that >.<

I don't clean out of anger. I clean out of anxiety. XD But people who are angry that clean do it to try to wash it away, or least do something with their hands that will be productive and not damaging. She could be throwing chairs, I guess.

Oh I clean out of both anger and manic energy. If I get really pissed I will run around the house slamming and muttering and cleaning and throwing clothes in to the laundry pile and washing dishes and muttering. By the time I'm done I'm usually past the anger part and am ready to sit on the couch and veg.

I'm also a thrower of objects if I get mad. In the last relationship I was in, I chucked the phone at his head. It hit the wall but it was satisfying nonetheless.

My mom just shouts when she's angry. So do I, nothing like the old fashioned way of being pissed off.

I don't clean when I'm angry, I clean when I'm anxious. For some reason, my panic attacks are quieted by sorting things. That's why both my rooms are now free of all junk. Ha.

When I'm mad, I take it out on other people too. I don't mean to, I swear!

Originally Posted by Lovvy

I don't clean when I'm angry, I clean when I'm anxious. For some reason, my panic attacks are quieted by sorting things. That's why both my rooms are now free of all junk. Ha.

When I'm mad, I take it out on other people too. I don't mean to, I swear!

I usually just clean my kitchen when that happens. Dusting is a big anti-stressor of mine. It just keeps coming back and you never run out! =D

Yeah people deviate their anger into different things. I think you should understand your mom when she get like that. But when things get unfair, I think you should voice it out so she can understand you more. But do that when she cools down a bit so she is more accepting of opinions.

It's not just parents that do that, I think everyone does. I tend to take my anger out on... whoever isn't present. It's the easiest way to push it off and not think about it.

I'm a bit meek, and I've always been on the spineless side. As a result, everyone always takes things out on me. My husband, my friends, my family... no matter what they are mad about or why, I'm always the one they come down on. I'm tired of being an emotional punching bag.