I just got into an argument with my boyfriend about my sister.

You see she's trying to be a doctor and has been in school for about 6 years, 7 if you include the year she spent in Haiti.

He says, "Your sister must be stupid and lazy. To be a doctor you should only have to go to school for 4 years."

I will admit he's not the smartest or brightest bulb there ever was... you see the minimum is 8 years to twelve.... I said this. He got all upset and hung up and went to research. After he found out that he was deadly wrong he wanted to just drop it without apologizing about criticizing my sister.

I hate my sister, but I love her too because she's my sister. She raised me more than my mother and she is very close to me despite the fact that we have a giant generation gap.

I'm upset about him bashing my sister and not apologizing or understanding why I'm upset.

Discussion....
-Would you defend your family if someone else was bashing on them when they barely knew them?
-Do you think I shouldn't be upset?
-Have you ever defending your family's honor like this before?

Family should always come first, and you have every right to be angry at him.
Making comments like that are completely uncalled for even if she were only going to be in Uni for 4 years, she's going to school and she's going to have to work her ass off, you can't get through Uni if you're lazy.

Your boyfriend should apologize to you for what he said, and he should admit that he's wrong.


As much as I dislike my sister sometimes, I'd defend her against anyone who said something disrespectful about her that I didn't feel was true.

Well hon, men have a really difficult time admitting to women they are wrong. Especially women they are involved with, they think it makes them look weak in our eyes. I've been married a really long time, and it never gets any better.

But yes I would definitely defend my family honor. It was pretty unkind of him to say that about your sister in the first place.

you have every right to be upset. heck, if I were you I'd kick his arse the next time I saw him xD
but defending your family is a good thing and he had no right to say that.

now my family on the other hand, they have no honor for me to defend =_=
most of them are on drugs, the other ones are just nuts. I moved in with some other people who have a one bedroom cabin, leaving me to sleep on the laundry room floor because I wanted to get away from my family so bad. so if someone said something bad about them, well I wouldn't really need to defend them cause it would most likely be true. I hate to say it but that's how it is.

I've never actually had to defend my family, although I do find myself defending complete strangers when my friends say unkind things about them (particularly larger people -.-).

I think as long as you don't go on a crazed-hen rant, instead responding to the criticism with matter-of-factness to set the person straight, I think it's perfectly proper, if not necessary, to defend those that aren't able to defend themselves.

And boyfriends referring to your close family members as 'stupid and lazy', then not apologizing when set straight...? Well, let's just say that something like that does not sound very conducive to a healthy relationship! Hopefully he can swallow his pride and at least say he's sorry.

-Would you defend your family if someone else was bashing on them when they barely knew them?

Of course!! Family is family after all, they're relationed to you even if they don't want to, so, they will never leave you. Friends and boyfriends come and go, since they don't have an obligation.

-Do you think I shouldn't be upset?

You have the right to be upset. And even more if he's saying bad things about someone who he doesn't know. If he thought that way, he should have shown politeness by not saying something intil being sure what he said was right. And even if it was true, he didn't have the right to talk bad about someone you care. That's mean.

-Have you ever defending your family's honor like this before?

Unfortunately yeah. A girl talked about my mother the whole morning. Since then I've been indifferent with her. She had no right to talk about someone who SHE KNOWS has better moral virtues than her whole family. Cause it's the thruth.

PS: I hope this helps...

I always defend my entire family. People don't seem to understand the concept of family loyalty.

Honestly all does help me. Reading these helped calm me down a little bit. Thanks for responding to these questions. It helps to know that I'm not the only one that thinks this.

I respect family... any family... when I hear kids saying terrible things about their parents I just sigh and want to cry a little for them because they don't seem to understand the stresses of having a child and raising them let it be good or bad... I feel bad for parents who are treated like tools...

I defend strangers and parents I don't know because there is always a common point against who's saying shit... do you really know them... do you know what it's like to be them.... have you even thought about what they go through every day?

If he doesn't understand, just ask him how he would feel if you said nasty things about his family. I bet he would have felt the same way you do!

Family honor? Where would a family of "weird as heck dorks" get honor? o.o (I'm referring to my family ^^")

Yeah... the only honor my family has is my brother being a marine >.<

I surprised myself many times when people have insulted a family member, for dispite the fact i don't feel emensely strongly for them outwardly, when one of them is being bashed, I'll get very tetchy and defensive.
I think your entirely right to be defensive of your sister, and your boyfriend should apologize for sure.

I think you have every right to be upset. He called your sister stupid when in fact, he was the one being stupid.

I defend my family from people who barely know them, even though I always insult them. Then again, that's because they are MY family. I've had to deal with them my entire life. They haven't.

If someone insulted a member of my based on erroneous information and, when proven wrong, refused to apologize, I'd be up in arms. If he doesn't understand why something like that would upset you, then there's something wrong with him.

well I think he got enough humiliation by being that wrong.. xP he only proved to be the stupid one himself :3
I wouldn't demand an apologasy.. I'd just laugh it off :3

I will always defend my family.
The deal with me is, no one can talk about my family except for me because no matter how much they piss me off, you have no right to talk about them because you don't know them like I do.

I had this same conversation with a friend[we'll call her A] of mine because another friend[we'll call her B] was bashing A's older brother; calling him "a lazy bum" and whatnot.

For me - it depends on the family member. I won't defend my father or my brother because they have done such horrible things to me. My brother hasn't talked to me in over a year. So I just stopped trying. But if you're talking about my mother, step-father, and younger brother - you can bet I'll defend them. My little brother always attracts girls that are "sweet on the outside - horrible on the inside" and some of the stuff they do to him just really piss me off. We found out one cheated on him - the other used him - it's ridiculous. I told him if they ever did that again (because my brother is nice and still talks to them despite all that and their breakup) I would personally slap them. lol. No one is allowed to pick on my little brother. (except me of course :D)

It's only natural to want to defend your family. That's how human society works. Family are the people we can always rely on, especially in times of need. No matter what, you can always go back to your family if you need help. So by defending your sister, you're only doing what's natural. You expect her to take care of you in return, and that's just a survival tactic.

When people insult my family, I tend to try and explain with words first. My brother is autistic, and I'm used to snide comments. However, if the other person refuses to consider my points, that's when I attack them. I'm a black belt in karate, so I'm pretty efficient at taking someone down with a handful of moves that won't leave lasting damage. Nobody gets away with insulting my family in my hearing.

Your boyfriend was very insensitive to call your sister stupid and lazy. He was totally in the wrong, and should apologize.

I defend my family in most situations - except when they're clearly in the wrong, then I expect them to take responsibility for it.

-Would you defend your family if someone else was bashing on them when they barely knew them? Yes. Once some one came up to me and asked if I was my younger brother's sister, I said yes. They said my brother was a violent idiot. I asked them what he did to be called this. He said that my brother beat him up. I said he probably did something to deserve it and walked away. I asked my brother about to later. Allan, my brother, said that the guy he beat up (most resent one. When he sees some one doing something dumb he does something about it.) was throwing rocks at moving cars. Even showed me the dent is his car were the rock hit.

-Do you think I shouldn't be upset? I think you have a right to feel how ever you wont to. You have reason to be upset.

-Have you ever defending your family's honor like this before? Yes, look to first answer.

he has no right to go bashing your sister
if he is ignorant about something, he shouldn't talk
if it was me, i would go talk to him about it.
actually, i would go yell at him
-Would you defend your family if someone else was bashing on them when they barely knew them?
oh yea.
-Do you think I shouldn't be upset?
of course you should be upset. he bashed your sister without even knowing what he was talking about
-Have you ever defending your family's honor like this before?
not that i remember, though i probably have

It was ridiculous of your boyfriend to behave like that. Especially so to be so adamant about something he knows nothing about. If it only took 4 years, we would have a lot more doctors out there than we do. Why would anyone settle for being a nurse if it only took 4 years to become a doctor? Seriously.

Maybe you should tell him that you think he needs to apologize to your family about this whole situation. If he doesn't, he will likely behave that sort of way again, and maybe you're better off dumping him.

I do defend my family when someone says something bad about them, especially if they're being ignorant. You have every right to be upset about that. I would have probably told my husband to f-off and not talked to him if he ever said anything like that about my family. Luckily, he's the same way about his family so neither one of us says anything bad about the other's families.

-Would you defend your family if someone else was bashing on them when they barely knew them?
Yes i would. It would upset me greatly to have a family member of mine be bashed by someone that barely knew them. Although i have to say, me and my friends like to insult my siblings just for fun xDD i dont hate my siblings nor do i love them enough to be able to control what i can say about them XDD
-Do you think I shouldn't be upset?
You should be upset, i would be upset too. especially if he wouldn't apologize, which is rude and mean.
-Have you ever defending your family's honor like this before?
not really, considering my friends and i tend to talk bad stuff about our siblings at time. my friends never say "oh your sister is just plain stupid and lazy" or any of that sort.

i don't really care if someone from my family, or a friend that i know very well bashes on my family, but if someone i didn't know starts to bash on my family, then i would care. it's not right to back talk someone you don't know, and you should be mad because it was wrong to assume something about someone that is totally wrong.
P.S karma loves to kick ass. ='D