I'm the whatever!

Along for the ride, the whatever provides sarcastic comments and blunt advice. While the whatever might give a shit, the whatever is too busy sleeping to hear your cries for help. Sorry mate!

ORLY?

And what would you have to do to accomplish your happily ever after? :3

I'd probably be the character everyone comes to in a crisis. xDD I'm always giving advice to people if they need it.

Let's see... Phoebe type character from friends for me. Only not as pretty, but just as goofy sometimes... lol.

Oh yeah... we got to watch ourselves. Today we're hip and funny and all the world loves us. But let some time pass and the laughter begins to fade and they're saying, "Y'know, they used to be hilarious. But it just got old fast." And we're standing there, blind sided, wondering where it all went. The next thing you know our TV career is gone and we're starring in poorly written straight to video releases while still desperately holding on to that same comic persona wishing for just one person to love us. Just one person!

... :( God, we're so tragic.

Eventually we'll just snap. The lost career, the bitch second wife who stole your money, house, and turned your kids against you. Hell, even the tabloids wont dig dirt up on you. So maybe you had one to many drinks, maybe you took a little too much heroin... but the result is tragic.

Either we'll go through a severe depressive episode and climb to the top of the nearest watertower, drunken, naked, and fat. We scream to the smoggy wind of the Hollywood twilight, "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE!" Either we jump and plummet to our sad death, crushing a news van below, or after much coaxing we tumble down, unharmed and unconscious. Through that foggy mist of uncertainty either we'll have an amazing comeback or disappear into obscurity. Either way, we get a South Park parody.

Option B is a psychotic killing spree, getting everyone who fucked you over and a few civilians for good measure. Maybe they'll go out in a Manson-style cult killing, or you'll tie them up in your battered Chevy and plow yourself off the nearest bridge.

No matter what option, no one will forget your tragic life.

.....Until the next person does it.

I'd be a literary character in a sort of book that's, at the same time, a future classic, and a philosophical treatise. I'd be the character that shows up for three or four scenes to debate one of the protagonists. Yeah, I'd probably just argue against superstition, or lasseiz-faire economics, or modern medicine denialism--something silly and irrational, but horribly influential. So, I'd help to establish an underlying theme in the book, but have at best a minimal impact on the plot.

Here's to the geek, the loudly outspoken oddball who has no shame about what she does or wears. That's me. Someone who comes off as comic relief at first, but who eventually is shown for what she really is...a lonely soul who dances in the dark, afraid that if they don't cry out, they won't be heard. In season 2, she's a member of the core group of the cast, and her weirdness is toned down notably.