I couldn't find this topic already in the debate section, so sorry if it's a repeat!

Let me start off by saying, I know a lot of people who believe that spanking, hitting, or using force on a child is an acceptable punishment for them. This isn't an abnormal thing. It's not abuse (we're not talking about abuse). It's just a punishment for them being brats.

I don't believe it is necessary to spank or hit a child. I was never hit, spanked, or grounded in my entire life, and I've never caused serious problems either.
There was one time in my life, when I was really little, when I cried loudly in a restaurant. My dad took me outside and told me we weren't going back in until I calmed down. I shut up pretty quick.
-To deter me from crying about toys in the mall- My mom told me white lies. She told me spiders and flies lived in the candy/toy dispensers. I never wanted them. Although I'm not so sure it's a white lie now! Those things are pretty gross. :shock:
-Whenever I wasn't happy about something, my parents explained to me why whatever I wanted couldn't happen. They treated me like a person. They didn't let me rage and whine on forever until they lost their temper.

I'm actually very good friends with my parents. I was never a rebellious teenager. I never drank, smoked, or partied.

With that said, why do parents think their children can't understand anything but a spanking? They're not vegetables. They can comprehend, as long as you explain it with simpler words.

My cousin, who is maybe 7 years old, is loud and obnoxious. She sticks her hands in your food, and coughs without covering her mouth. She hits you if you don't play with her. She hits you. I wonder where she learned that from? Her mother- also my cousin- spanks her and yells pretty loudly at her. I can't help but think my little cousin picked that up from her mother.

As a closing statement I'll add- I believe if a child feared the punishment, they would not do something to provoke it.

So. Do you think spanking a child is the best way to discipline them, or do you think you can talk it out with a kid? How will you / do you discipline your kids?

I don't believe in spanking/hitting children as a punishment. I was only ever hit once when I was a kid, and rather than being taught a lesson, I just wound up with a very unpleasent memory. I don't even remember why I got hit, only that I was.

I think it's fair to say that my parents did not use physical punishment, seeing as that was the only time, and I turned out pretty good. I've yet to so much have a desire drink, smoke, or anything of that nature, and I know and understand boundries with people and behavior very clearly.

I think you can indeed talk it out with kids- they understand, it just takes some extra explanation sometimes.

I think it's okay, in certain circumstances. I know my parents spanked me a few times, but...
It worked. I never acted out when I knew spanking would be a consequence. So... Yeah. I think it's a good way to discipline. But I'm not sure if I'll do it to my kids.

Pain = bad is a universal concept. Everyone and everything can understand that. It's a lot more likely to get the message through than 'Well... no TV for a week!' is.

I think it's effective as a sometimes thing. I got it a few times when I was a kid, I turned out okay. xD

Some kids just don't understand the meaning of the word no. For example, my sister should have been smacked more often. e_e

Fabby: I agree that pain is a universal concept, but my point is that you don't have to just tell them "No. No tv for a week,". I think doing that probably just makes it worse. Just saying no will probably make it worse too, because they don't understand why it's a no.

I've seen parents in the store where I used to work tell a kid "No, because we don't have the money for it right now." and the kid just frowns and goes "Oh, okay."
But what would have happened if the parent had just said no and started to drag the kid out of the store? I don't know if the kid would have reacted the same, but I doubt it.

It depends on how receptive the child is. I believe if the child is well nutritioned and raised well, he or she will understand if you explain. There are some that aren't that receptive though and need other methods: Spanking, the classical hit on the butt with the belt, the "I'm ignoring you" tactic, and the silent yet expressive[ly angry] face.

For example, when I was little, I once started crying and threw myself on the floor because my mother wouldn't buy me a toy. My mother had already told me she didn't have money for it, but I still lied on the floor making a show. You know what she did? She started walking away. Yesh people, she did. And even though I wasn't receptive enough to get that she couldn't buy me the toy, I wasn't that stupid to let her leave me alone in such a big place! XD So I got up, stopped crying, and ran after her ^^v

Also, most of my classmates who have the best grades, have had undergone one or two of these methods... if that didn't make them more aware of their responsabilities, at least they're aware of the consequences xD

... I have to admit that even now, there are times that I get low grades, which I inmediatly try to improve as soon as my mom looks at me with this "I'm so angry and dissappointed with you" face o 3o' This could have to do with the fact that I was hitten with the damned belt when I was little xD Now, I'm one of the most respectful girls of my generation out there xD;;

PS: Spanking's not the only punishment method out there.

Well when you were in the store, you weren't hit or spanked. You got the message in a different manner or than physical. Which I believe works just as well.

But being hit with a belt? Owch. I just don't ever see a reason for that. D:

Well, in my country, back in the XIX and XX century, mothers wouldn't use a belt. They would use a whip made of a plant with thorns that grows around here. Now that's unnecessary Owo''

I've seen some people who have become better, other that have gone worse, and others at whom the whipping doesn't make any effect. But it's the same with the other tactics anyways. Though I do have to admit that the explaining one is the most effective [and makes parents spend more time but less energy] than most :) Spanking is more of a last option for a problematic child than the others. Again, it depends on receptiveness.

PS: How have you been raised? Pure curiousity =w=

In my first post I say how I've been raised. :yes:
I've never been hit or spanked. I've never even been grounded.
They only ever told me to go to my room once, and... never after that.
(They never told me to go to my room because all of my toys were in my room, and all of my books, and that wouldn't be very much of a punishment. :boogie: )

But they just didn't punish me or my brother very much at all. (It wasn't needed) They'd give us a disapproving face or something if we did something they didn't like, but how often did we really do anything they didn't like? Not very often at all. We heeded my parents words and yes, there have been tears and yelling and fighting sometimes, we're not a stepford family, but theres nothing physical, and we've never been particularly rebellious.

My mother attributes it to not being given crappy food when we were younger. We ate organic food and rarely had sodas.

My parents aren't particularly strict though. I think it was just the way they raised us.

I'm not trying to make it sound like I've never been scolded. I've received plenty of lectures from my mother! :)

While I am not a huge fan of spanking, I must admit that it can sometimes be effective. Some kids are dense or just like putting on a show. I was like that when I was young. I liked attention, so I'd do whatever I could to get it. I wasn't a bad kid, but I was loud and put up quite a fuss.

Grounding didn't work on me and taking away things didn't work on me. I was too smart. Take away TV? I'll read. Take away books? I'll draw. Take away everything? Good night, I'm going to sleep. I suppose I was very annoying in that manner.

I don't like the idea, and I was spanked when I was little. (Of course, I was a pretty evil little kindergartner.) My parents are getting better about punishments, once they got more experience. My little siblings are still annoying though.

On the topic of spanking, my siblings and I played a game when we were little. At night, we would bet a place to touch, like a washing machine, or get an object, without getting caught by our parents. We called the game Veris Vanes, at least, that's how it sounds. We never really wrote it down. Getting caught and spanked we called getting dumped. I have no idea why.

Your parents hadn't picked up on the fact that you guys were playing a game? x3

I think new parents should probably be taught different methods of discipline so that they don't have to spank and learn as they go. I just don't like the idea of hitting~

Yeah, spanking is like... "you just can't understand any human methods! I'll have to treat you like an animal D; *spanks*"

... even adults can get desperate, ya'know? xD And after seeing such terrible devils bottled in such small bodies amaze me D: *coughKrazy-katcough* Of course, whether a boy acts bad enough you have to give him/her a punishment, it's the parents' fault for raising them like that.

My mom also attributes it to the fact that she feed healthy while pregnant, and I was feed healthy since born until now :) I haven't eaten a M&M since... I forgot, 11? And I'm almost 15 now xD

AND that she got lessons on how to be a mom. Most parents nowadays [or at least, 'round here] have an "oops" baby, accidentally jumping in the responsability of being a parent, giving them little time to learn today's methods on how to raise a child. So, they'll either spank their child because they were spanked, or spoil their child because they don't want to spank them :/ ... and will make a :O face whenever someone tells them there are other methods :roll:

... and I was hitten with the belt because I did something bad... for the fourth time I think x_x So I can understand why my mom had to go to such extreme >.>''

PS: ... hey, at least she didn't pour boiling water on my hands! I've heard of lower-class mothers doing that as a punishment @[email protected]

I'm from the same sort of situation as you. I never got spanked as a child, and very rarely was yelled at. I've always had a good relationship with my parents and felt like I could talk to them because of the way they discussed things maturely with me rather than resorting to violence or threats.

So I don't think that spanking is generally a good idea either. When kids behave badly, it seems to be because of how the parents are behaving (and also how the parents react to the kid when they make mistakes or do something right). Have you seen that show called Nanny 911 where they call someone in to get the brats in line? It's interesting because the parents are usually the ones who initiate changes within themselves rather than just saying "ok, you will behave now" to the kids. I don't know if it works completely because it's just a reality show, but I bet it helps a lot.

On the other hand, I've known people who were spanked that don't/didn't go around hitting people. I'm not around children enough to know whether it's always wrong to spank a child, but I know that it's wrong for some children. It probably depends on the child's perspective.

My parents tore my ass up when I screwed up and I turned out semi normal. They never laid a had on my sister and she turned out to be the most selfcentered spoiled asshole I have even known. She is horrible. Personally I thank God my parents kicked my ass.

To say it's wrong or inhuman is a joke.

I personally believe in spanking your children but it could be because as a child I was spanked. I think it is a good but not the only form of discipline and does not have to be the first resort, neither does it have to be the last resort. I know people are different but in my case every time I was spanked I knew I had to have done something really wrong to have got that and every time it happened I was sure never to do it again. So in my case it was a very effective form of discipline.

@ Kah Hilzin-Ec: I wasn't a bad kid. I was just pretty smart. I didn't go out of my way to be bad, but when I did get in trouble I just ran with it. :lol:

Grim: It's not inhuman, but I certainly don't think it's the best punishment there is.
Do you really attribute your sister being an ass hole to not being hit when she was a kid?

I think something like that would correlate more with the idea of not having boundaries set in place.

well, if your child/children are not behaving and the only way is to spank them, then i believe that sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes pain is the best way to teach someone right and wrong.

I disagree that is it ever necessary. I didn't house train my dog or teach him other things by hitting him, ever.

I'm under the impression that if my dogs have done well without getting a smack on the butt, a kid can too.

I don't really think it's necessary, but I don't think people should overreact about spanking either. As long as the parents don't abuse their child, it's okay. Hell, maybe I'll spank my children once I have them, I have no idea what it's like to have a small child and teach it what's right and what's wrong. :XD

I do know that children MUST be made aware of what they may not do. My aunt and uncle have two kids who were never spanked (or punished in any other way, really). They're both horrible brats who kick and scream if they don't like something, even though the older one is in high school now.

I agree that boundaries need to be set, but establishing those sorts of things don't necessarily need to be reinforced by spanking.

I won't believe that a lack of hitting and spanking will cause someone to act out, but rather a lack of rules altogether.

spanking or hitting only teaches the child that problems can be resolved with violence. it's never a good idea. a time out? sure. but never hitting or striking a child. i've seen the results of such things, and i don't like what i've seen.

The bad result you're talking about are when parents abuse their power. Let's say that every time the kid does something wrong they kick them. OF COURSE the child will end up learning to solve things through violence.

But lets say you told the kid not to touch the fine porcelain pot with his grandmother's ashes because that's were gradma is and blah blah, yet the kid goes up the closet, picks it, and then falls. The ashes cover the whole room, the porcelain becomes dust and mixes with the ashes, the kid hit so hard he peed himself and when the parents come because of the noise, the place is a total mess. I know, it's a very dramatic scenario [veeery x_x] but these things happen.

Now lets put my cases *gulp* I played basketball in the living room even though my mom told me to play outside, and broke a porcelain figure x[
I climbed a table to reach a shelf and pick a telescope, even though my dad told me to go do my homework. I fell on the floor and the telescope fell on me and broke x_x''
I slapped my sister, because she told my parents something bad I did :/ Bleck.

... I would have slapped me if I were my mom when I did these things ^^v So I'm kind of happy that these fell on my butt and not on my face o_o I know, it's an odd feeling of safety xD

PS: I've seen kids that never got spanked become violent / annoying / irresponsible / assholes though, so I guess the spanking itself doesn't make a kid violent, but the frecuency of witnessing of violent acts do...

In my first post, I acknowledge that it is not an abusive alternative for a punishment.

And as for the kid who broke a vase and peed himself, he probably learned his lesson. A punishment after that scenario would just seem unfair.

And, like I said before, kids who become irresponsible, and have not been physically punished, have not had boundaries and values set out for them by the parents either. In these cases, I believe it's a complete disregard for what the child does that makes them turn out this way.

I realize that hitting a kid once or twice isn't going to make them into a monster, what I'm saying is that I find it to be unnecessary.