Emotional, Physical, Cheating, Affairs, what are your view points?
 

Cheating, having an affair, side stepping. There are many names for it. Rather it is on your spouse or significant other. Everyone has "thoughts" about someone other then their significant other at one point in a relationship. Even if we don't want to admit it. Rather it is "Oh he/she's cute." to actually starting "conversations" with them.
Most of us are raised to honor our significant other; most societies even look down on people being "married" to more then one person. In the dating field, it isn't uncommon for people to "test the waters" with more then one person. You know, to see which one is the "right" one.
Has anyone ever "cheated" on your significant other? If you are uncomfortable answering the question, no one is forcing you to say anything; and no one should judge you. This is a discussion not a witch hunt.
Do you think that having an emotional affair with another is the same as cheating? Or is the definition of affair specifically left for the psychical types?

You are right Tsukipon, the victims, meaning you the one who is cheated on is worth far more then that. There really is no excuse, you promise your heart to someone you should never have to worry about them breaking your heart.

I've never cheated, but I suspect that I've been cheated on before (though person in question still vehemently denies it).

Cheating is the one rule I've set for myself that I haven't broken (when it comes to relationships). I won't lie, sometimes I get tempted, but the fact that it's the only rule left gives me even more reason to hang on.

My fiance and I have already discussed how we'd feel about cheating. Although I find cheating absolutely despicable, and under normal circumstances grounds for cutting off a relationship, he knows that if he cheats, he only gets one free pass from me. I love him too much and we've both put too much time and effort into our relationship to end it over one mistake, one misstep. He has wiggle room if he gets drunk and does something stupid, but he knows he'll have to do a lot to build my trust back up.

He's pretty much said the same thing to me, but he's not quite as forgiving as I am, so it might end if I were to cheat. But, that's not something I could bring myself to ever do. I'd let myself down, and I'd hurt him more than I could ever imagine. I don't want to do that to him. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

We also have some serious boundaries in place. No groping, no kissing (other people). He's had a girlfriend cheat on him (because he wouldn't "put out" even though he did plenty for her and she did nothing for him), and I've been sexually assaulted, so we both have enough trust issues that we've combated along the way anyway. We don't feel the need to stress those any more.

You do know that drinking doesn't cause people do do stupid things, it brings out the real person they are. Kind of like truth serum.

If the "true person" has very good judgment, and they intake something which inhibits their judgment, then they are not the "true person" shining through.

The point was, that on a psychological stand point, if you drink enough that you know your judgment is inhibited, and do something "foolish". Then your true intentions where not very good to begin with.

The excuse: "Oh I was drunk...my bad." is a piss-poor one....l

His drunkenness compounded with someone else's drunkenness...

I don't expect him to make moves on any girl, he's not like that even when he's extremely drunk, but I'm not sure how well he'd be able to resist some floozy if he was drunk enough, that's all. I'm not worried that he'd do anything on his own. But, he's not been in a situation like that before, and I'm a pessimist, so I worry :)

Does that make any sense?

As a person who's been cheated on multiple times I can say I absolutely abhor it and anyone who would suggest I cheat on my lover. It hurt really bad when I found out I was being cheated on, I wasn't good enough you know.

Doesn't matter if its emotional or physical, the pain of feeling inadequate for your lover is still there. The deepness of that pain really depends on how much they care(d) for the cheater, and will typically still have the same negative reaction. An affair is an affair.

I personally will never have an affair or be tempted to have one. When I'm with someone I just stop looking at other people for things I find attractive in a partner. Loyalty is a key part of a relationship for me.

Yes, it makes sense...personally I don't see how any sane person would put themselves in that situation if they have a loved one waiting for them back home. Seriously, think about it. If you where to get drunk enough that any pretty face could make you cheat on your loved on, what else can that alcohol do? It knock you off your feet and even cause your death. Once when I was on my "honeymoon" with my husband I got so drunk in our hotel room that if he wasn't there I probably wouldn't be here today. I felt like a collage frat boy after an all night party. Was NOT fun.

I have been cheated on, my ex-boyfriend went out with my best friend behind my back while I was a church camp (Oh the irony...) I have also had some less-than-pure thoughts about someone other than my boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I are in a weird spot. Neither of us have ever been in a serious relationship before each other. I decided that the best rule to set would be a "look don't touch" rule. Granted, that's pretty generous, but I think complete restraint could have negative consequences. I really don't think he has the guts to cheat on me, I had to ask him out etc., but we are in college now so I am not ruling out the possibility.

The drunkeness thing is something I am curious about. I have never personally been drunk, but I have seen enough drunk people to understand it. I think that when someone is drunk, their common sense is replaced by their biological urges. So if someone was sober and saw an atrractive person across the room, they may think, "oh, that ___ is hot." and think nothing beyond that. But if a person is drunk, they may not only think that but begin to react. And as they slowly lose control of their body they may end up being taken over by their urges entirely. That's why I give the "If you are drunk then you get one pass."

Emotional cheating isn't wonderful, but it isn't as horrible as physical cheating. We live in a sex-charged society and unless they are a saint, no one is immune to everything that they see. That's where my "look, don't touch" rule comes back.

Affairs are depressing. They seem to occur for a variety of reasons, personal empowerment, relationship stagnation, and overactive libido. I really don't know how I would feel about someone having an extra-marital affair. I always used to joke that I'd get the hedge clippers and perform a vasectomy if that happened. In truth, I am very forgiving and I doubt I could cause that much physical harm.(I would be tempted though)

That about sums up my views on this subject.

Like I said, we haven't been in a situation like that before. I don't even think it would be one that he would put himself in (though he has been pretty smashingly drunk before, there usually aren't girls around because my school is only made up of 23% girls). But, because neither of us know, and I know that if he had complete control of the situation that he wouldn't cheat if given the opportunity, he gets a free pass. I think it's reasonable.

We also go by the "look don't touch" rule. He never acts on it, and although I've tempted myself, neither have I. Sometimes when we're in public I can even tell who he's looking at and why he's looking at her. I'll usually comment out loud what he's thinking ("Ooo, that blonde has a nice butt") and he'll just look at me, smile, and say something like, "Yeah, but I like you the most." I think it's kindof sweet, but that's just how our relationship is. I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

ha ha. That's basically how our "look don't touch rule works as well.

I absolutely disagree with cheating. In my eyes, there is no 'good excuse' that can justify it, or make it 'cool'. 'Blaming it on the alcohol' won't work with me either.

I've never had a boyfriend, but I can imagine looking at other, attractive men. However, I would NEVER dream of flirting or ever doing anything with them. I don't think I would condemn a boyfriend if I saw him glancing at some other chick's boobs, but there would be some serious issues raised between us if he were to flirt with her or touch her.
I think I would have possession issues and I would not go for that whole 'but she's like a sister to me' thing. But that's beside my point.

If I ever caught a future husband having an affair, I would go ballistic. To me, it's an issue of trust, and a promise. It's an issue of dignity. I'd honor him by being faithful, no matter how much of a tease the pool-boy is. I would expect the same from him. Call me a prude- but that's the way it is.

@Leenalia: I'm glad you both came around and now have a better relationship :)

I flirt sometimes, but it's usually with people I'm very close friends with, and always a mutual friend with my fiance.

Well, I guess now that I think about it, it's not really flirting. We act like we're flirting. And it's only because my fiance doesn't flirt with me (and he knows this :)). He flirts with girls too, girls that I've known he's had crushes on (or still does) but it doesn't bother me because I know they're joking around.

Ah, I see. Well, that's not so bad, but the definition of "cheating" is flexible enough that it's pretty much whatever you consider it to be within your own relationship. As long as it's clear between you and him, that's really what matters most.

What gets me is that my husband doesn't view that oral sex is cheating..

he hasn't cheated on me in ANY way..but that really really bugs me..

So your husband isn't allowed to talk to other women? What?

And can't watch porn either? I feel bad for your husband.

I told Benny he can watch it.. lol sometimes when I don't "feel like it" he goes and...you know.

and I watch it too... *giggles* I think I prefer the animated kind better...

Megami: same here xD