WARNING:

This is a satirical thread. If you are not familiar with satire, please click here and brush up before participating in this thread.

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The case against heterosexuals:

Heterosexuals are to blame for all sins.
Adam and Eve, as a heterosexual couple designed for each other by God, both ate the fruit of the forbidden tree. It is they, not homosexuals, who are the root of all sin.

Heterosexuals are the cause of teen pregnancy.
Because of the filthy and sexually deviant behavior of heterosexuals, teen pregnancy is a grave concern that we must now be more vigilant against than ever! Homosexual sex, however, does not lead to any pregnancy.

Heterosexuals are the cause of abortions.
See above.

Heterosexuals are responsible for world hunger, homelessness, and unemployment.
Due to heterosexual behavior, the world is quickly becoming overpopulated, leading to several problems regarding the quality of life for many nations. If heterosexuals could keep it in their pants, fewer babies will be born, and the growth rate of the population will stabilize, and maybe even decline to a level that is sustainable in the long term.

Heterosexuals have the highest divorce rates in the world.
Homosexual marriage dissolution is virtually unheard of.

Heterosexual marriage is forbidden in heaven.
Unless you want to have a divorce, you probably just shouldn't get married at all.

Originally Posted by Matthew 22:29-30

For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

Hitler was a heterosexual.
Don't be like Hitler.

Public heterosexuals corrupt children.
If your child sees a man kissing a woman in public, your child may grow up to be straight! Clearly this is something that children should be protected from until they are at an age where they can make those kinds of decisions themselves. Personally, I think 16 is about right.

Heterosexuals are responsible for sex in the media.
Heterosexuals have catapulted the magnitude of the sex industry to inconceivable levels, allowing it to leak into the mainstream and further risk exposure to our children. If it weren't for heterosexuals, we would see fewer sex workers on the streets, strippers in bars, and porn stars on the internet. But thanks to heterosexual publications like Playboy, Maxim, and Penthouse, heterosexual sex comes closer to our homes EVERY SINGLE DAY.

There is no cure for heterosexuality!
Unlike homosexuality, which can be cured by cult-like ultra-conservative religious focus groups and copious amounts of brainwashing, there is currently no cure or treatment for heterosexuality. Should your children fall ill due to this disease, they will likely be heterosexual for life.


Debate
Based on this evidence I present before you, should we ban heterosexual marriage? Can we ever rid this menace from the public eye? Do you think we will ever find a cure? How can we protect the children from corruption due to the sexual deviance of heterosexuals?


Mad props to Philomel for enlightening me about the evils of heterosexuals and helping me set up this thread!

satire :D :D <3

(sorry for not having any on-topic to say, I just had to give your thread some love :P)

Though we should sertainly ban Hetero-marriages. *nods in concention*

I support banning all marriages (de facto not de jure) by removing the institution itself, I mean you could say you're married but no one would give a crap so why bother. So I guess ban is the wrong word, but anyways, down with heterosexual marriage!

Keyori! I love you and Philomel for this~! I have no way to debate with this. It's perfect!

"Hitler was ____. Don't be like Hitler." = Pretty much every debate I've ever been in, condensed.

This is amazing. XD Such good points too. Especially the ones about overpopulation and teen pregnancy.

I'd make some weird statements about ancient greek success and homosexuality, but I always considered all that stuff just rumours.

Also it'd be weird.

Oh my. xD

I came here getting ready to hear something about the Right Agenda... about ready to give my usual statements about the Far Right.

I'm so glad I came in here. My fianceé and I couldn't stop giggling. xD

This thread is beautiful. Beautiful, I tell you.

Ah, I heart this thread :)

This is cute and all but does it really count as a debate thread? It's impossible to argue a joke....although it is kind of funny.

Apologizes for being a stick in the mud.

XD You are amazing for making this. Props to Keyori and Philomel, definitely!

My favorite one was the seventh one. "Hitler was heterosexual. Don't be like Hitler." <3 Ah, that just made my day. Hurray for satire, no doubt the best kind of comedy!

Originally Posted by Faulkner

This is cute and all but does it really count as a debate thread? It's impossible to argue a joke....although it is kind of funny.

Apologizes for being a stick in the mud.

Well... you could count it as an "elevated discussion" since the post is super long and drawn out.

Just because no one is challenging my points doesn't mean there's nothing to be debated, nor does it meant that I've captured the entire picture. I'm sure I've missed some reasons that heterosexuals are an evil dirty menace that should be wiped from the face of the planet; my list of reasonings could hardly be considered exhaustive by any means ;D

{ ( satirical ) }

Pro-anti heterosexuality
In addition to the such said points as stated above,
▶ Parties would be more enjoyable!
Since their wouldn't be any sexual feeling between girls and other guys their would be less sexist tension in a party-like environment . It may be easier to mingle in such stated environments, because its a bit hard to break into pairs. Plus without the added tension their would be more friendships made.

▶ A hippie's dream realised.
Theoretically if people could form better friendships with more people, they would learn how to get along with all sorts of people. If everyone were friends in the world, why have war?

▶ Better Science programs!
If no one was heterosexual, we'd have to find a new way to keep the race from dieing out. One such way is through cloning. To reach a better cloning state then we would have to boost our science programs.

Con-anti heterosexuality
▶ Religious reform
If heterosexuality was thrown out, then most major religions would have to reform. That would mean a lot of people would have a lot of paperwork to sort through, and no one likes paperwork.

▶ Taxes!
To support the new advances in science we would need more government funding. To get that money we'd have to pay even more taxes, and as my 6th grade teacher told me, Taxes is a bad word.

One could say hetrosexuals tax the economy and our country by having too many children. In contrast, homosexuals usually adopt poor parent-less children and raise them into upstanding American citizens. Unplanned pregnancies land plenty of children under negligent care, where they grow up to be gang members and drug dealers because they don't get the attention they need!


I love this thread. I love it so much.

Well yeah, hetrosexual marriages and relationships should be banned. Everyone knows that the opposite gender has cooties! Who wants a bad case of cooties? I mean that can't be very enjoyable.

Amazing work. This is a wonderful thread. I love it. Yeah I think marriage in itself is utterly ridiculous really, I just don't see the point in it.
Massive props to the creators of this thread!

Down with marriage xD and .. heterosexuals? O.o

that, is awesome XD

though, the whole homosexuality helps over population thing is one that I've been trying to figure out why people don't see for years.

On top of that, homosexuals not creating children could also lessen the chances of genetic diseases from spreading.

This is so true. XD At first, I didn't know what to think, but then I kept reading. If you think about it, it's really all there. XD Very, very compelling evidence. I love you guys for making this thread. It is nice to see hets taking flack for once. ^^ *previous line said in beau jest, I really have nothing against hetero couples, but I hate the fact that homosexuals are always getting flack from lots of directions*

I say down with marriage in general. >.> Certainly makes things less messy.

Why haven't I seen this yet? :rofl: Nice one! I especially like the Hitler crack. 'Cuz no one wants to be like Hitler... :rofl:

Adam and Eve, as a heterosexual couple designed for each other by God, both ate the fruit of the forbidden tree. It is they, not homosexuals, who are the root of all sin.

Also they had two male kids, which means incest! Heterosexuals are so disturbing. =<

Heterosexuals also built America. It's a freaking country with a diversity of people, sexuality is NOT the only thing that defines human nature and it definitely isn't the only thing making or breaking ANYTHING.

Because some people cannot marry is NOT the end of the world, nor does it have anything to do with the downfall of a society nor the economy nor why a group of people with their superiority complexes feel the need to go into other countries and get in their business.

Has nothing to do with a sexuality. So I think this sexuality war is going way too far.

Also, frankly speaking. If the homosexual community can't even help themselves get married, how the HELL are they going to take away the privileges of other people getting married just because they can't? Sorry, but no.

Great thread! I think that the problem comes not from heterosexuals, but from men. All of the problems in the world are caused by men, so they should be eliminated. If the world was all-girls, it would be a much better place! :D

LMFAO!

KimJoonGi: That's exactly what this satirical thread is saying. Did you understand what this was about? Hopefully you didn't take any of this all that seriously.