It's not just women though. Men get raped as often as Women, they just do not report it as often...

Riley: Except in the cases where, you know, everyone believes him. Very rarely do people brand men 'rapists' when there is nothing to suggest that they did rape the woman, unless they were already biased against him to begin with (he belongs to a hated group, or has a criminal history, for instance). What happens far more often is that people do what you have done and make false rape reports (which, by the way, aren't automatically false just because the woman recants) out to be a much bigger problem than they are. If a woman was wearing certain clothes or doing certain things or the man she's accusing is "respectable", she is often disbelieved and police may actually intimidate her into not filing a report so they don't have to do more work.

Arousal: While I wouldn't agree that not a lot of straight men rape other men (it's about power, and you see it quite a bit in prisons, in the same way that most child molestors are not actually pedophiles), and (in most places) it's very possible for a woman to be a rapist, it is highly unlikely that men are raped as often as women as Titenya suggested. It's true that the men who are raped are often shamed into not reporting it, but the reason rape is so prevalent in our culture is because the media makes it commonplace. People are desensitized to it, and so there isn't this feeling of "oh my god, that's a horrible and sick act, how could anyone do that?!" so much as "well, it's horrible, but that's what happens". Rapists get off on the power trip, the knowing that even before they do anything, potential victims have that fear in the back of their minds. Men don't have that fear, because in movies and books and the media as a whole, men are rarely portrayed as rape victims except in prison scenarios, and even then it's usually just alluded to. There's little incentive for a rapist to rape someone who has no fear of being raped to begin with, and whose rape will go largely unnoticed and not cause fear in others.

And besides, the figures are too high for that many rape cases to go completely unnoticed. In 2008 alone, there were 89,000 rape reports where a woman was the victim, and that's the lowest in 20 years. Do you really think 89,000 men are being raped each year and so few report it that people don't realize it's going on? I highly doubt it, and I'd like to know where you got the idea that such is true.

Rape is only the victim's fault in the sense that they don't consent, which makes it a rape.

I am strongly opposed to the notion that a girl wearing skanky clothes or making out with a lot of people is "asking for it." Even skanks can have boundaries, and that boundary might be sex.

Please reread my post, Arousal. I responded to you with one sentence. The rest was directed at Titenya. Sorry it's convoluted, but I couldn't think of a better way to respond to you both at the same time.

:heart: Sorry. I knew that would confuse someone >.<

It's okay! :angel:

Hm.

I think that the rapist, male or female, is always at fault. Say I want to stay away from alcohol, but end up buying a beer and drinking it, can I say that it was the beer's fault? I mean, it was so hot outside and it looked SO COOL AND REFRESHING. It tempted me! It led me on!

But, I think the victim can also take responsibility for at least a little bit, usually. I mean, we know the kind of society we're surrounded by nowadays. Kids don't play outside after dark and no one hitchhikes anymore for a reason. It's true- something has got to change. But we also really have to be aware of our surroundings.

Sure, it doesn't make sense that a girl can't go anywhere and dance around and maybe be a little flirty and have to worry about being raped. That really sucks, and I don't buy the whole 'But did you see what she was [I]wearing?' thing. Rape is often an act of violence and not just lust. But knowing that what, around 90 thousand rape cases are reported each year? People have got to be a little more sensible. You can't just think everyone around you will be kind or sane. Going out to a club for a little fun? Take a few precautions. Keep your cell phone with you, drink in moderation, don't leave your drink alone, stuff like that. It's always safer in a group, too. Be aware- if you're worried about it at a club, you can often ask for an escort from the staff and they will oblige.

It's not the victim's fault, but people also need to take precautions. Don't think that you can just get tipsy and go wandering about without any danger. No matter how friendly someone may seem, it's not safe to get a ride home with someone you don't know very well, or at all.

Rape is a sick crime and there are no excuses for it. There are sick people out there, and people who also just make bad decisions. Knowing this, people have to be proactive about not putting themselves in a possibly dangerous situation. We should do our best to keep ourselves safe.

I thik that it is partly the victim's fault because they went towards it. But sometimes it's not always the victim's fault.

But see, here's the problem with that logic: you can never make yourself "safe". No matter what kind of a prison you build for yourself, and no matter what the crime in question is, there is a chance that if you're alive, you can be victimized. This argument always reminds me of that cleric in...oh, I don't remember, Afghanistan I think, who said that women who do not wear "proper attire" -- that is, nearly full-body covering -- are asking to be raped, that going around in public showing any skin more than one's face is akin to "putting meat in front of a hungry dog and expecting it not to take a bite", I believe were his words. Not long after he made this statement, a woman in Sudan who was wearing the attire he had described as "proper" and was in her own home was attacked and raped (it made international news because the authorities then sentenced her to death). You cannot make yourself safe, no matter what, without forcing society to change. Giving up freedoms only furthers a potential rapist's power trip.

That's very true. You can't account for the madness of other people. Of course there are times when a random girl is raped, no matter what she's wearing or how she acts. There isn't a way to perfectly prevent crime, I don't think there ever will be. It's sad, but true.

I'm definitely not saying one should make one's self a shut in. It's true what you said about giving up freedoms. I don't think one should do this. I certainly wouldn't wear something unattractive to a club in hopes that it would deter rapists. But I wouldn't wear furs and diamonds to the 'hood, either. That would just be plain stupid.

I'm saying that people should do their best not to put themselves into dangerous situations. There are things that people are warned against, and have been for ages. Stuff that everyone's been told is dangerous. Like getting into a stranger's car, meeting up with someone on the internet, etcetera. Of course, there's always a chance it could turn out great and not bad at all, but are we willing to take that chance? I think it's best not to.

I'm so glad you knew I was talking to you >.< When I started writing that, iCannibal hadn't posted and I was afraid she might think my post was directed at her. Anywho.

Your "hood" analogy doesn't quite work, however. I assume you meant that you wouldn't do such out of fear of being robbed, correct? While wearing expensive jewelry or clothing doesn't force a person to rob you, it makes it more likely because the goal of robbery is to get money and things worth a great deal of money. So, a person who is obviously wealthy and who has things worthy of being stolen is obviously more likely to get robbed than someone who is poor. It's the same risk regardless, so it's only logical to go for the scenario that has the chance of a greater reward. Rape is not like that, however. The "reward" is the same regardless. The risk is the same regardless.

While it's true that people shouldn't put themselves in dangerous situations period (a stranger is just as likely to kill you or rob you as they are to rape you), taking the precautions you mentioned only has any affect with opportunistic rapists, which often go after those who cannot help but be in a vulnerable position, such as family members or friends, anyway. Suggesting that it can protect you not only gives women a false sense of security, but it sets up a system of victim-blaming -- a woman who happens to have wandered home alone, or who was drunk, or who was wearing certain attire can more easily be said to have brought it on herself, or made it more likely.

Nah, I could tell from the content that it was in reply to my post c: I hope she did, too.


Of course, it's not the same. I meant it from my position of 'Use your common sense'. Don't leave your purse alone in the front seat of your car, don't take candy from strangers, take stuff like that, things we've been told to not do forever because it should be common sense.

Sure! You can't always be safe, there are always ickies and psychos out there. Definitely don't feel like tossing out your drink every time you leave it alone or bringing a friend to every party will make you crime proof. But I figure, it can lessen the chances of one being taken advantage of, and if an unfortunate event does occur, you can't be blamed as easily. I don't think the victim ever should be blamed, but obviously, it's not a fair world. It's my nature to cover all my bases, decrease the chances for bad things to happen. Obviously, people don't have the same viewpoints and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Rapes that have nothing to do with clubs or dates or being out alone happen a lot, too. I think there is little if anything that one could do to prevent this, and in these cases, the victim should never be blamed. The case you mentioned in the Sudan or something was like that. Something like that cannot be justified.

I'm like that as well, perhaps to an obsessive level, and largely because I do not trust anyone. But then, that's what concerns me. My worrying often makes me feel trapped. I don't do things I'd likely enjoy, because I'm afraid of someone else doing something they shouldn't be doing anyway. I don't want others to feel that way, and so the suggestion that they should change their routine or do something they wouldn't normally do just in case there's someone horrible waiting to take advantage of the situation rubs me the wrong way.

i don't think it's ever the victim's fault. what i find ridiculous is the rapist rarely ever gets locked up or anything for it!! it really pisses me off. what's also annoying is when no one believe a man when he says he's been raped. i don't know if it happens to men as often as women or anything, but i know it does happen.

They went towards it? You mean they had a shirt on that said "FUCK ME NOW!!" Or! They see a tall dark and mysterious person and had the thought "Oh, he may be a rapist. I will be okay, just need to pull my skirt up a bit!" :roll:

Seriously kid, if someone says "No!" what does that mean?

Son Zack:

77% of rapes are committed by a non-strangers. For victims living in a college setting, it's 85%.

Given that a woman is four times more likely to be raped by an acquaintance than by a stranger, would you suggest that women simply avoid interpersonal relationships altogether? That would reduce the risk big time.

in my opinion, it is never, ever the victim's fault. there are certainly things that a victim could do to prevent it from happening, but no matter what, it is never their fault.

I totally agree with you...

The girl in situation one was grounded (clearly for a reason, I doubt her parents would have grounded her for the fun of it) yet she broke their trust, this of course doesn't mean she deserves to be raped, but if you can't take punishment from your parents then why stop there, what about the law???

Also, she didn't have to get into the car, I don't care if the dude has to stop his car, open his door, get out, walk around to the other side of the car, open the passenger door, and invite you in, it's still your choice whether or not to get in with a complete stranger...

If on the other hand, he got out of the car and grabbed and pulled you kicking and screaming into his car and then raped you, then that's clearly another story...

All of this still could be avoided by, I dunno listening to her parents in the first place and trusting their judgement...

I think it depends on the entire situation. I think it's a case by case thing... I think in the first scenario it does border her fault because she could have avoided the whole situation together. First, she should've stayed home because she was being grounded. Since she decided not to listen to her parents, she should've kept walking and not accepted the ride. She should not have been walking by herself at 2:00 in the morning either way too. Was the guy in the wrong? Definitely! Was the victim in the wrong? Definitely again! I feel they both share the blame on that one. Now, I do agree with the second one completely that it wasn't her fault in that case because even though they were making out a little bit he should not have followed her into the bathroom. A kiss is not an invite for sex of any kind...

I know my opinion of the first case is gonna get me criticized but its just that, an opinion.

I'm fairly certain getting into a car or violating some artificial curfew applied to women and not men or disobeying one's parents isn't an "invite for sex", either :|