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AmyHeartXVIII
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#1
Old 07-31-2011, 04:59 PM

I'm not sure if this should go here or in life issues. I was reading a favorite comic of mine "For Better or Worse". And in the strip, one of the characters was a new mom. But she was going stir crazy in the house- wanted to get back to her career. But she also didn't want to put her daughter in day car, she thought people would call her a part-time mom. The strip ended with her mother-in-law saying there was no such thing.

The stay-at-home Mom and the working Mom, which one is the right one? My mom stayed at home my two little sisters and I until the youngest was in elementary school. She worked part time and made sure she got off in time to pick us up from school. Then when middle school came along, she started working full time again.

This issue has been much disputed over- people on both sides looking down their noses at the other a lot of times. With childcare being widely available, but also an absent parent having a negative impression on kids, which decision is the right one? I thought this to be quite an interesting subject to bring to the Menewsha discussion table.

Should Mom stay at home with the little ones or hire a nanny so she can bring more bacon home?

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#2
Old 07-31-2011, 09:00 PM

It fully depends on the needs of the family. If the family can't afford for mommy to stay home then question answered! But if they can afford it there is no reason to put your children in day care, what's the point in having a baby if your going to pay someone else to take care of it?

I have a friend who has a two year old and doesn't work, but puts her in day care anyway because she is lazy. That, is the problem, people like that. In my opinion ^^

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#3
Old 07-31-2011, 09:03 PM

Well, the way I see it is there needs to be a level of interaction with the children on a daily level. You can still have this level of interaction if you'r working if you put time into it.

Have a family dinner, get the children together and read them a bed time story everynight, go out somewhere like the park on Saturdays;

You can work and do these things too.

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#4
Old 07-31-2011, 09:12 PM

I kind of wonder what the point in that is though, if all you have time for is dinner and a bed time story, why did you have a kid? I don't see the point in working your butt off to spend three fourths of your paycheck for someone who's most likely not as qualified as you, nor knows or loves your child like you do and who doesn't teach your child anything, for your child to just pick up all the awful habits and germs of other kids. In a day care setting of course. And still, to pay most of your paycheck for some other woman to play mom in your house all day is just weird, again, I'm back to the same question, why did you have a baby if you don't want to take care of it and spend time with it teaching it the world and love, etc.

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#5
Old 07-31-2011, 10:12 PM

Well, I'm not saying JUST dinner and a bed time story; I'm saying you don't have to be there 24/7, and you don't have to give up a career.
granted, when the child is younger, especially the first few years, you want to be with them most of the time, and there's maternity leave for that and so forth.

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#6
Old 07-31-2011, 10:38 PM

Yeah no one should be a stay at home mom until their kids are 18 haha that's a little overboard. But maternity leave only lasts so long. I just feel like if your career is more important than a baby, you shouldn't have one, until you're ready to put your career on hold for a few years and make the baby more important than a career, because they are.

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#7
Old 07-31-2011, 11:09 PM

ahh, I understand that;

though, at the same time, there's hopefully a father/other person involved, so it could be possible after the first year to work a lil' on a career as well

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#8
Old 08-01-2011, 03:38 AM

If a mother needs to work to bring in money then she should. Life isn't all planned out to what you want it to be and sometimes people do not plan to have kids, it just happens. In cases like that you have to do what you can to provide for yourself and your kid. Not everyone is lucky enough to have two parents either so in cases where the mom is really the only one that can take care of the kid then I do support trying to work or if the other person in the relationship can't work or does not make enough to support the family. You have to do what you have to do.

I also support spending as much time with kids as you can since I'm big on family time and believe that it benefits everyone to bond with family members. I also believe that it helps bring children up better if both parents, assuming they have two parents, takes time and spends it with the children.

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#9
Old 08-04-2011, 09:11 PM

People choose to be stay-at-home-parents for a lot of different reasons and none of those reasons are wrong.

If a woman prefers to work rather than stay at home with a child then she has every right to pursue her career goals; perhaps instead of the mother staying home, the father will. If neither parent can afford to stay home then daycare or hiring a nanny is an option depending on your income level but it's more likely that family will step in and help take care of the child. In that case, isn't the care of the extended family just as good as the immediate family (parents)?

In my personal experience.. I'm a stay-at-home-parent because I don't have the education or work experience to make as much money as my spouse and for right now we can survive on one income. If I were to work, my entire income for a month would barely cover the costs of daycare. This doesn't make me a better parent than anyone else just because I stay home with my son all day.

No one should be punished for the decisions they make in regards to parenting as long as those decisions aren't resulting in abuse or neglect.

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#10
Old 08-05-2011, 02:52 PM

Well said Scribbled! Well said!

AmyHeartXVIII
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#11
Old 08-05-2011, 09:39 PM

Agreed! Very well said.

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#12
Old 08-06-2011, 12:33 AM

Good thread.
My story... I stayed home with Carzeebear til she was about two, then she went to part time day care while I did some part time teaching. Then Babybear came along and he went to part time day care much earlier because, 1. We really needed the money and 2. I knew and trusted the staff at the daycare by then. That's actually an important point people miss. The staff at day care are not unqualified "strangers" They are professional people who the child and parents build a strong relationship with. They are very well trained with a massive amount of accountability and they are in the job because they genuinely want to be there. (In NZ anyway)
I heard from a child psychologist on the radio that 20 hours a week of quality daycare is good for children. So I set that as my limit. Happily, as a teacher I could do that. Many mums don't have that luxury! It is usually the Mums who don't have a "career" but rather a job, (because living on one wage is all but impossible these days for most people) who get stuck in the guilt trap of being a working mum. Let's not make life even harder for others by heaping judgement on them.
Quote:
she thought people would call her a part-time mom. The strip ended with her mother-in-law saying there was no such thing.
I completely agree. Some times after I come home from a full day at work and have to face the demands of teenagers, I feel like a double time Mum. Certainly not part time.

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#13
Old 08-06-2011, 04:41 AM

This is really a hard topic to have a straight answer on, as there is no right or wrong answer.

There will come a time when the parents will need to make the decision to have both parents working or have one home to take care of the kids. In this day and age there often needs to be at least two incomes coming in just to pay the bills, let alone feed anyone [I consider getting food as something totally seperate from bills]. Choices need to be made and sometimes the choices need to be hard with sacrifices.

If both parents decide to work, then they also need to decide who has to be there when. If dad works during the day and has nights off, the mom needs to have the day off and work nights; the flip side also needs to relate to the corrisponding parent and shift. That way there will always be a parent at home regardless of the time of day. [I'm not even going to touch weekends]

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#14
Old 08-07-2011, 05:10 AM

Yes, My husband starts at 6 and finishes at three. I work 8:30 to 5 so after school, even now the kids are teens, someone is home. That has been wonderful.

 



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