how sheltered is too sheltered?
 

My friend is soooooo sheltered, up to a point where she has lost her sense of self. I was wondering what's everyones opinion on being sheltered, and when do you think it has gonne too far?

Being sheltered period is a problem. True, parent's/loved ones must do it for the young, at the beginning of life, but I was taught from a young age that no-one would protect me forever. I've learned to prepare myself for the worst, and urge others to do the same.

That's a really good thought on it. I just wish my friend could see it that way, because she's becoming more of a follower than a friend just because her parents want her to.

Tell her parents to f*ck off. I'm a strong believer in Independence, and I hate it when parents try to force their children into a state like that. it's almost servile, it's sick.

Yeah her parents are the crazy bible humpers so I don't know how that will turn out, I want to bloody tell them off because that don't like me because I'm not christian tho

Teach morals and beliefs growing up. That way when they get to their adolesence they can learn from their own decisions. That is what life is, learning from the decisions you make. Good or bad, you learn. Keeping people from this only delays it til the sheltering stops.

MercyGrim96: I'm an Atheist. I believe that, it's human nature to rebel against the 'Creators' (in this case, our parents.) They expect us to become better, to make better decisions then they did. However, they fail to realize that, in order to do this, we must ultimately surpass them.

Bartuc: Very true, My friend.

The children cant be protected from everyday happenings, atleast not for long. So, in my opinion fhe best the larents can do for their own children is to teach them how to survive in this world, instead of hiding them away from it. I believe in independence and also, children shoukd be made aware of it. I dont have any intention of making children turn up against the parents, but by doing so the children must understand the extent of their freedom and stand up for themselves if it is violated.

I really don't think being Christian or religion has anything to do with how sheltered a person is raised. I'm Catholic and I have zero issues with being sheltered. I don't wish to sound rude, I just don't like when people try to place blame with 'oh they're this' or 'they're that'; I could be half zebra but that wouldn't mean that it would influence me wanting to be with people.

Parents do want their kids to surpass them, or at least that is how my parents raised me and it is a belief I wish to follow should I ever have kids. They raise them in a way they think is best, even if in reality it isn't. That being said, what happens in a family should be maintained within a family.

If you are concerned for your friend, be there for them and help them experience new things and push her out of the rut she is in; family members are not the only one that influences a person's life and personality. Also, talk to you friend about your concerns, but judge when it would be the best time to bring it up. Ultimately, it is up to your friend to confront her parents on the matter. Growing up, my father was overbearing and mean and even though people saw it, they couldn't really do much to change his outlook. I did eventually learn why he did what he did, but it was ultimately my actions that forced him to stop the undesired behaviors.

I was a pretty sheltered kid. A lot of television was if not explicitely banned, warned against heavily. ("I trust you to make your own decisions but I think...") What it took for me to move out of that sheltered state was reading. It's really easy to hide a book, really easy to convince your parents that it's not that bad really. I had to sneak the first Harry Potter book into the house... My mother watched the first movie about a year later and is now a fan of the series.

Based on my own experiences with sheltering parents, I would suggest that your friend make moves of her own to do things outside what her parents suggest. If she's lucky the way I was, her parents will make an effort to keep up with her. If not, well... Sometimes talking to your parents directly is the best way to go about things like that.

Coming out from being sheltered has to be her choice, but it is important that she be looking/ asking to what is the rest/ normal life is like. Sheltering does cause a loss of oneself, because it creates a codependency on the others/ her parents. The harder part of breaking sheltered children from this, is the adjusting period, because that codependency does cause familiarity/comfort in the wrong section of life. That said, best you can do is actively question her on what she says if it sounds like it is her parents words, not her own, and get her to distinguish the difference.

Being "sheltered" is actually much different than most people thing, because the most common cases are always the extreme ones. I was sheltered by my parents as a child - and even now, at the age of 18. I'm the youngest, so they feel I need to be protected. That's just how parents are. But, you see, that never stopped them from teaching me about morality and self-worth. I was taught to stand up for myself and others who are unable to stand up for themselves. While I spent most of my childhood rather naive, I was taught that it's okay to have a healthy curiosity of the world. I learned everything I felt that I needed to know. Sheltering your children isn't ALWAYS a bad thing. Sometimes, it gives those individuals the power and drive to educate themselves, and to break free from bliss that ignorance breeds. I became a much smarter individual from this experience, and I was also allowed a carefree childhood - as it should be.

Now, your friend's case is very different. Her parents are only hindering her progress into adulthood. If they continue to smother her like this, she'll never be able to function properly in society. She'll find even the simplest of tasks challenging to do on her own - and may even refuse to do it without the assistance of her parents. It'll be much harder for her in the long run. And, if that wasn't enough, she'll never be able to express herself freely. That can beget very unhealthy habits, like bottling up and hiding feelings and ideas. If the pressure gets to much for her, she very well could have a panic attack or mental breakdown. Tell her parents that they aren't doing her any favors by over-sheltering her! The outcome could be dangerous and unhealthy for her.

As a parent of 2 kids with autism, one with chronic anxiety, I can say I do not shelter my kids. They are exposed to a plethora of social engagement so they can learn how to interact with people. I recall friends and family assuming I was sheltering my eldest because of her extreme social anxiety - it's just how she's wired. Frankly, I'd be happy if she'd sneak out of the house for shenanigans once in a while!

Are your friends parents sheltering your friend because they are afraid she will be exposed to other belief systems or behaviors they don't agree with? The parent side of me thinks: this is their parenting style and it will explode in their faces when their child is older and rebels or the child will be stuck in the role of being a child versus an adult later on. I've seen both scenarios more than a handful of times.

Is your friend a minor? If so, she's stuck in that situation until she's an adult and can leave. You can be there for her no matter how obnoxious you find her current situation. If you push too much her parents may push back by insisting she break contact with you.