Names changed.

Ok. I have this friend, Ashley. We were in the same class in 4th grade and hit it off right away. She was new to the district. She introduced me to another girl in our lunch, who was also new. Her name was Jessica.

After 4th grade, I talked to Ashley maybe 5 times, and I don't think I talked to Jessica twice. In 7th grade, we all got put on the same team. I had homeroom/cycle with Ashley and gym with Jessica. And we all had lunch together. Jessica and I talked a lot, especially when we did volleyball and were on the same team, as we both sucked at most gym-related things.

As of now, I would probably call Jessica my best friend. Ashley's a lot different than when we were 10 years old, though.

She's like....shy, but not in the fearful, normal way. I didn't have any classes with her this year (save lunch), so I can't really elaborate (she's totally different outside of school).

And she's over sensitive. Jessica knows a few things about me that no one else does. If someone's around and Jessica wants to tease me, she'll whisper it so that no one overhears. Ashley always assumes anything she can't hear is about her. She won't listen when we say it isn't.

If a bunch of us are hanging out, there's a good chance we're teasing each other and trying to be annoying. It's good-natured fun, and we never actually try to hurt each other. Ashley get's majorly offended by the smallest things. We were all at Nicole's party on Saturday night, and Ashley was carry around a gigantic water balloon in her shirt so that she looked like a preggo eggo. I popped it and was like "Baby aborted!!" and she was seriously mad that I "killed her baby"....it was a balloon...and there were about 4 more on the bottom of the pool (we were in the pool so it's not like I got her wet). Later on, we were playing 3 on 3 volleyball. Losers had to do a dare. Her team was losing, and she was seriously flipping out...granted the three most perverse people there were all on my team, but still...it's not like we'd force people to do dare (our dare for them was skinny dipping anyway, so it's not like we'd want to see that...). She doesn't make an effort to include herself, and then gets mad when we go about our conversations without her.

At Nicole's party, we were downstairs. Ashley went past the downstairs bathroom, up the stairs, past Nicole's bathroom, and into Nicole's room to throw up. Then she didn't help clean up or even apologize (Jessica and Nicole helped Nicole's mother clean, while Molly and I cowered in a laundry room/closet thing). Nicole was furious. I texted her the next day saying that she should apologize to Nicole (BTW she went to a party the next day and apparently "felt great", which reinforces our theory of her sticking her finger down her throat or simply not making it to the bathroom in time for attention). She sent a text that I didn't read, but according to Nicole, it sounded like she wasn't really sorry and only said it because I told her to.

Today I get a call from Jessica, who said that Ashley called her and was like "Nicole and Mikaela won't stop texting me and harrassing me!". Neither of us have spoken to her since yesterday, and that was very brief. She lied. And she always expects Jessica to stand up for her, but doesn't return the favor.

She gets majorly offended when Jessica and I hang out (Ashley's father's is over an hour away, where as mine is about 5 minutes, so when we're at our father's places on weekends, I'm the convenient choice).

She isn't that bright. Can't argue there. But she acts even stupider than she is. If I make a typo, my entire statement is incomprehensible to her. I once convinced her that I went to Mars, and she believed it for over a week, until someone else laughed at her.

Overall, she's impossible. She drives me insane. I'd like to drop her, but I'm not capable of being mean. And her mother and Jessica's mother are very close, so I see her a lot when I hang out with Jessica.

I'm at a loss. She's driving me up the wall. What do I do?

You can always do the "slowly edging away" bit.

Talk to her less. Invite her over less. Stop including her in activities. Slowly but surely, push her away. Not as cruel as outright dropping, but gives the same overall effect.

Or confront her directly about her behavior, just be straight up. Don't be mean, just be honest... and if she can't take it, well, you were gonna ignore her ANYWAY, so either way you get what you want.

From what you say, I think it's clear the girl has a mental disorder. She's paranoid, attention hungry... possibly bulimic. She DEFINITELY has low self-esteem. Whether or not you think it's even worth it to interfere is up to you.

If it was me, I'd drop her like a rock.

Originally Posted by Merrow

You can always do the "slowly edging away" bit.

Talk to her less. Invite her over less. Stop including her in activities. Slowly but surely, push her away. Not as cruel as outright dropping, but gives the same overall effect.

Or confront her directly about her behavior, just be straight up. Don't be mean, just be honest... and if she can't take it, well, you were gonna ignore her ANYWAY, so either way you get what you want.

From what you say, I think it's clear the girl has a mental disorder. She's paranoid, attention hungry... possibly bulimic. She DEFINITELY has low self-esteem. Whether or not you think it's even worth it to interfere is up to you.

If it was me, I'd drop her like a rock.

I'd love too. And I am going to edge away.

I confronted her (granted via text...) and she got defensive. She's an amazing liar (like when we play practical jokes, we have her talk to the victim because the rest of us laugh and turn red). So I don't know.

It's like...I want to drop her so badly, but I know it'll make me feel guilty.

Don't feel bad.

There are so many people like this you will meet in your life... not one of them is worth it. All they do is invite chaos and drama and manipulate people for their own benefit.

It's hard to cut ties with people, and you can feel like the bad person in the situation. I don't know how you feel in this situation, but... it's not your responsibility to be her friend or look out for her. You're not obligated to stay by her side for a petty "friendship". Whatever bond you may have had, it seemed like a shallow one to begin with, and she ruined it with lies and bad conduct.

So, screw her. Not worth it if you don't want it to be.

Originally Posted by Merrow

Don't feel bad.

There are so many people like this you will meet in your life... not one of them is worth it. All they do is invite chaos and drama and manipulate people for their own benefit.

It's hard to cut ties with people, and you can feel like the bad person in the situation. I don't know how you feel in this situation, but... it's not your responsibility to be her friend or look out for her. You're not obligated to stay by her side for a petty "friendship". Whatever bond you may have had, it seemed like a shallow one to begin with, and she ruined it with lies and bad conduct.

So, screw her. Not worth it if you don't want it to be.

You know what? You're dead on.

Well, I didn't want to presume, but I've had quite a few incidents with people like this early in life, so I'm pretty familiar with the whole thing. I've tried helping people like that, but you can't control people's behavior or the choices they make.... you can only give them opportunities.

You've given her an opportunity, and she refused it. Getting rejected is also an opportunity; all you can hope is that good things happen, not bad. But as I said, what ultimately happens to her is NOT your responsibility. That's what mothers are for.

It's cold, but the truth ain't pretty. Hopefully my advice helps you make a good decision for yourself. :3

Originally Posted by Merrow

Well, I didn't want to presume, but I've had quite a few incidents with people like this early in life, so I'm pretty familiar with the whole thing. I've tried helping people like that, but you can't control people's behavior or the choices they make.... you can only give them opportunities.

You've given her an opportunity, and she refused it. Getting rejected is also an opportunity; all you can hope is that good things happen, not bad. But as I said, what ultimately happens to her is NOT your responsibility. That's what mothers are for.

It's cold, but the truth ain't pretty. Hopefully my advice helps you make a good decision for yourself. :3

Thank you so much.

Ugh Jessica is just making me sound like the bad guy.

I don't need her pissed off at me, I really don't.

If I were you, I'd just drop her outright and if she confronted me I'd tell her I just didn't like her. Plain and simple. But most people are more tactful than me.

Honestly, why would you bother keeping a friend you can't stand? There's no point. It'll just drag you and everyone else down. If you don't want to just tell her to fuck off, then you can always try the edging away approach. No need to feel guilty... there is nothing dishonorable about cutting ties with someone who is a total negative impact on your life, y'know? As was said, you gave her a chance. She trashed it.

Originally Posted by Fabby

If I were you, I'd just drop her outright and if she confronted me I'd tell her I just didn't like her. Plain and simple. But most people are more tactful than me.

Honestly, why would you bother keeping a friend you can't stand? There's no point. It'll just drag you and everyone else down. If you don't want to just tell her to fuck off, then you can always try the edging away approach. No need to feel guilty... there is nothing dishonorable about cutting ties with someone who is a total negative impact on your life, y'know? As was said, you gave her a chance. She trashed it.

Yeah. I probably would have dropped her already if Jessica didn't guilt me into being nice. It's like...she asks me what we should do, I tell her that Ashley needs to learn how to take care of herself and not have us (particularly Jessica) take care of her, and she was like "OMG NO THATS MEAN!" (phrased better, but I can't remember how it was said).

Oh, and Jessica told me that the reason Ashley's mother didn't apologize for the vomit thing was because Ashley told her she did it in the toilet (not got it all over Nicole's room and all over the bathroom). Her mom was mad at Ashley and called Nicole's mother to appologize.

Well... if your friend Jessica wants to take care of her, that's her own business.
But you shouldn't have to.
Jessica will probably get sick of her soon enough and do the same thing.

Originally Posted by Fabby

Well... if your friend Jessica wants to take care of her, that's her own business.
But you shouldn't have to.
Jessica will probably get sick of her soon enough and do the same thing.

I know. The only reason Jessica talks to her is because she doesn't want it on her conscience if that makes Ashley depressed. Until then, I've been turning down some invites to go places with Jessica's family because I know Ashley will be there.

I think the best thing to do would be to tell her how she acts from your point of view and that you really don't appreciate her behaviour. I have the subtlety level of a granite boulder so I can't tell you how to phrase it, but just confront her with it. And if she gets all defensive, tell her that you want to have a civilized conversation about the issue, and if she can't do that, you'll walk away and break contact with her.

You're not her nanny, you're not supposed to be there for her unconditionally if she acts like an arse. She needs to realize that stunts like throwing up in people's bedroom and not even apologizing for it will eventually chase away all of her friends - I think she does not realize that.

Originally Posted by Volucria

I think the best thing to do would be to tell her how she acts from your point of view and that you really don't appreciate her behaviour. I have the subtlety level of a granite boulder so I can't tell you how to phrase it, but just confront her with it. And if she gets all defensive, tell her that you want to have a civilized conversation about the issue, and if she can't do that, you'll walk away and break contact with her.

You're not her nanny, you're not supposed to be there for her unconditionally if she acts like an arse. She needs to realize that stunts like throwing up in people's bedroom and not even apologizing for it will eventually chase away all of her friends - I think she does not realize that.

You mean already has chased away all her friends. Between me, Nicole, Molly, and Jessica, Jessica is the only one who truly wants to remain friends with her. And even then, she only wants to because she doesn't want it to be her fault if Ashley becomes depressed or something.

I'm not subtle either. I don't know...I texted her asking why she lied to Jessica (probably to attempt to make her mad at Nicole and I by saying we were texting her and being bitches, when I hadn't spoken to her all day and Nicole hadn't spoken to her in hours) but she never responded. I should have called, but my mother eavesdrops and I couldn't get away, so it wasn't possible. In the past, if I've pointed out something to her, she either makes excuses or sits there and pretends to listen (or cries until I go away, because people crying over trivial things makes me angry and I prefer to walk away than start screaming). Ugh.

I've had a similar problem with one of my friends before.
The advice I got worked; just drift away.

Don't talk to her as much, hang out with your other friends, and have her hang out with her other friends and stuff ( unless you both have the same friends... >>; ).
You could introduce her to other people, even.

Still talk to her a little bit, so she can't turn on you and be like, "You're ignoring me!" but keep your distance enough so that over time, she'll move on.

I agree with the above posts:

Don't just drop her like a rock, but ease away from her so she doesn't have anything else to complain about. And if you just stop talking to her it'll be suspicious, and if she asks why you guys don't talk as much, just say you're busy with your own life and haven't been seeing a lot of people [a little white lie]. But maybe eventually she'll get the hint and stop.

it sounds like she's afraid of being isolated, and that she wants attention. Maybe you should talk to her about how you feel? It would help get it out of your system. If she doesnt stop, I'd talk to someone capable of handling the situation, (i.e. the moms?)