I'm going to say, here. This place as VERY little drama. I think. :ninja:

HIM :hug: I don't have anything useful to say, sadly. I'm just sorry things are so crappy for you, and I hope you can find something to lift your spirits and make you feel positive again. You're a nice and funny girl, you don't deserve to feel miserable all the time.

wow? what happened?

I am sorry you've been upset Him. :(

Where does your auntie live, HIM? Would there be an option to go stay with her for a while and give yourself a change of scene?
You could turn being out of school and not having a job to your advantage if you're brave enough. It's a bit of a radical suggestion but have you ever thought about volunteer work in another country? It would be scary I know, but it would take you completely out of your "comfort" zone and totally change your life because it would be like nothing you've ever experienced before. It would give you an entirely different perspective too and allow you to completely put aside all your current feelings, just like taking off and throwing away an old coat, or shedding your skin almost.

Doing something like working with under-privileged children or orphaned orang-utans or all the other things that charities in third world countries do might be just what you need to help you find yourself; to start to feel like a worthwhile person who's appreciated and has a purpose in life, and it would get you away from all the negative influences that make you feel so bad about yourself all the time. :hug:

If you're brave enough to do it, and can find the means to do it, then go for it! It's something that I consider, but I'm a terrible coward :sweat: But I dream about making that break from my dead-end existence and fleeing this miserable area and being able to do something worthwhile with my life.

And I know you live relatively close to me, so you probably live in a miserable area too xD

You definitely need to get away from your Mum if she's like that towards you. Mine was too, all through my childhood basically. She got pregnant with me on her 18th birthday I suspect, seeing as that's October 13th, and I was born on July 15th. So she and my Dad had to get married of course, despite the swinging 60's having just passed, Britain was still very puritanical back then, and being an unmarried mother at 18 was shameful.

That marriage was a sham, basically. If my Mum hadn't got pregnant I doubt the two of them would have stayed together for a great deal of time, people don't at that age. But they were divorced by the time I was two, and I spent my entire childhood and teenage years with a mother who resented my very existence and never showed me any affection at all. Yes it was my fault that she had no money/life/partner etc, etc...(conveniently ignoring the fact that it's a two-person decision to have unprotected sex) So yeah, I know what it's like to have someone try and lay the blame for all the shit in their life at your feet : /

If you can find a way to get away and do something to make you feel good about yourself, then go for it, HIM. Don't let your Mum drag you down. :hug:

It's often that way with people though, isn't it? And parents are prone to losing their tolerance once their kids get to a certain age too, at least a lot are. It becomes very much a "them and us" situation where parent and child seem to disagree automatically.

Some time away from her (however you managed it) would probably benefit her as much as it did you, she might start to see you as a real person again, instead of just someone to fall out with a lot.

If you do like the idea of going away to volunteer you shouldn't look at it as an only option or a last ditch thing though. It would be a chance to make a complete break from everything in your life. You'd take emotional baggage with you for sure, but I think you'd lose a great deal of it once you were somewhere where your inner turmoil wasn't being feed by what was going on around you every day.

All the shit with your Mum and your non-friends would cease to be an issue when they were thousands of miles away from you.

Whatever you decide to do though, HIM, the best of luck to you :hug:

I want to travel to try and find who I am because I just don't know who I am anymore.

Travel as much as I can before finding someone to settle down with.

Sounds like a plan to me!

If you can I would recommend it, you have the entire planet to choose from. People only stay in one place from convenience and family obligations really. If you have nothing to tie you to one spot them find your wings and fly away to a better life.

I can see how life can be hard. Sometimes i find it helps to go online and relax and tell your problems to people. They can really help you out.

I've lost the only friend I had now I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should get myself sectioned or what.

I just want the suicide thoughts to go away.

I'm so scared.

I don't know what I', going to do next.