The idea of beauty is so overrated... but... so true... the people I am around now believe that beauty lives within the age of a person. Youth is what they admire. Young girls with those small bodies, tight skin and muscles, pale skin, and big doe eyes. I'm only a few years younger than most of them, some up to ten years younger, but I find myself wishing that I was more attractive in their eyes.

I am not unattractive. I know that. I'm 5' 1" or 2" ish, full blooded Chinese, and 115lbs. I know I can't be younger or smaller or even paler, so all I can wish and go for is being thinner.

I just met this girl that my boyfriend has admired and liked for years and years now... although her personality has its flaws, I know that she is very close to perfect physically in attraction for him. She's a one or two inches taller than me, long hair, soft lips, small breasts, and 95lbs.

When I was a freshman I gained a lot of weight and then lost it very fast in sophomore year. Thus giving me an ass and a tits. I'm fine with the ass, but I hate my tits because of how big they seem compared to my body.

I want to lose 20 more pounds so bad.... be able to see my ribs and hips.... I'd feel so much better about myself I think....

How old are you?
115 lbs is a perfectly healthy weight for your height, especially considering you say you have "an ass and tits," and anyways, your boyfriend shouldn't be liking other girls when he is with you...

Losing a large amount of weight never fixes anything, trust me.

he's a voyeur. He likes looking at pretty girls and what not. And I can't stop him from looking at girls or liking them, you can't control the way a person feels about someone else can you? A girl who considers him her best friend doesn't like him in that way but he does. He would never cheat on me, but it just kinda hurts... "We make eachother happy" is something she's said before to him. It just bothered me a little. He's a very nice guy and attractive in my eyes. in anycase back to your question, I'm eighteen.

I would be wary about your boyfriend. If you know he likes her in that way, try to not be so attached unless he doesn't feel those feelings for your friend anymore.

And you shouldn't have to want to see your bones. Not seeing your bones is healthy. If anything, being smooth is a healthier goal than wanting to be bony. When you're bony, you're definitely not as soft or "huggable", as it were. I am 200lbs, (although I look more like 170) and my boyfriend loves me for who I am and not for my appearance. The only reason why I go to the gym now is to gain more upper arm strength for my occupation.

Don't feel like you have to be more attractive than what you normally look like. You'll end up feeling fake and unappreciated. It's happened to me before. :(
If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate you for who you are and makes you feel like you're large (when in actuality you're quite petite), I would find someone who will appreciate you for the beautiful person you are.

that's the thing.. he does appreciate who I am. He loves me because of the way I treat him and the fact that I am attractive. I love to take care of him and treat him well. I'm very clinging and love being near him in public, and he also loves that fact about me. It's not that he doesn't appreciate me or tells me that I'm large... it's just that I know that I'm not exactly what he thinks is beautiful and I want to be everything I can for him.

Psh. I never worry about physical beauty.
My boyfriend finds me beautiful because of my personality and ambition. He likes redheads, but he found me, a half Korean girl and he wants to eventually live with me/maybe marry me.
I didn't fit his "beautiful girl" profile at first. So I wouldn't worry about it. And I'm sure you're beautiful. Don't worry so much about being perfect in physical form. It's fleeting anyway. ;)
It's admirable to be everything you can for him, but make sure he's also doing the same for you. When you put so much into a relationship and you're not getting the same back, it will be frustrating down the road.

Yeah I know that... kinda scary at times too when I think about it. I want to be with him as long as I can but I'm not sure how long that will be because of his life ambitions. He lives for driving, that's the only reason he works. He never wants kids, ever (which I can understand I don't ever want them unless it's a good time for a child to be born) and he's sworn never to marry someone, ever.

Well, you really need to balance your own needs against his needs and who is getting their needs fufilled. If you're serious about this relationship and you want to eventually get married, then maybe you need to move on. If you're just about having fun in this relationship, then ride it out, and try to not get hurt. My friend is going through that right now with her boyfriend because he basically said "We'll never get married, and we'll eventually break up, but let's try to enjoy ourselves." -_- He's a bastard.

Haha, don't worry about not seeing your bones. A survey proved men prefered meaty women xD You not fitting into HIS anatomy of beauty doesn't make you ugly. What does make you ugly, is that your attitude and your self-steem decreases because of something as superficial as "needing" to be 10-20 pounds lighter. The hell! I'm three years younger and weight 144 pounds, which hasn't stopped people from complimenting my figure. I wish I had your weight, as it would be healthier, but, here you are, complaining about it not being attractive to a guy who may not last long xD

Also he swearing he'll never marry anyone is a bad sign. It shows he has never been committed enough to have ever considered it, even though he's in a relationship with you. Tell me, how long have you known him and how long have you been his girlfriend, if may I ask?

Trust me on this one, a lot of guys like women who aren't super skinny. If your boyfriend is going out with you and not that other girl, chances are he likes you the way you are. And even though big boobs are annoying, when you get old, they're going to sag anyway. Would you rather have saggy big boobs or saggy little boobs?

You need to get your self-esteem up and start concentrating more on having fun and not on your appearance.

Originally Posted by Kiihay

he's a voyeur. He likes looking at pretty girls and what not. And I can't stop him from looking at girls or liking them, you can't control the way a person feels about someone else can you? A girl who considers him her best friend doesn't like him in that way but he does. He would never cheat on me, but it just kinda hurts... "We make eachother happy" is something she's said before to him. It just bothered me a little. He's a very nice guy and attractive in my eyes. in anycase back to your question, I'm eighteen.

You are still in your youth, silly! xD

You can't stop him from feeling what he feels, but you can and should have him respect you more. From what you've said here, it sounds like you are putting a lot more towards this relationship than he is, even sacrificing your own happiness to make him happy. It makes me wonder if he appreciates you for YOU, as you are now, or if he appreciates what you do for him...

I have to admit that one of the times I've been most down on myself is when a guy I was interested in said he would like me better if I were thinner. He said he felt that I was a beautiful person trapped inside this body. That's one of the many, many ways I knew he wasn't the guy for me. A guy who puts you down in such a way because you aren't his "ideal" is not worth being with. There are plenty of guys who would KILL to have a girl as wonderful as you! Not only that, but they'd probably worship the ground you walk on. I'm sorry if I'm being too blunt, but your boyfriend needs to get over himself and grow up a little.

but he loves you - I don't think he would leave you if he really does.
no matter if you stay your size :3 your size is healthy, if you'd lose 20 pounds
you'd become unhealthy... and you don't want to do that to yourself.

I know my husband likes bigger boobs and a flat tummy, but still thinks
I'm really hot even though I have a belly bump, love handles and my boobs
aren't that big (although I wish they were smaller. :3
it has never bothered him, just myself x3

so just because your boyfriend might think something completely different
than you is attractive, he can still find you very attractive :3

The bones thing seems like a big red flag. Seeing your bones isn't even healthy. There has to be another way to make yourself over so you feel better about yourself.

This is really separate from the boyfriend issue, even though it seems like the same thing. I mean, if I were dating a guy who didn't find me attractive I would just be like, 'bye-bye', let alone wanting to change for him. There are just so many guys out there.

Like everyone else here as mentioned - you DO NOT need to lose weight - and if you can see your bones you are not healthy, you are sick and need to gain weight.

If your boyfriend has some idea what women should be sickly and thin then he needs to work on changing himself not you- please don't make yourself sick because your boyfriend has unrealistic and unhealthy ideas about how women should look.

115 lbs is PERFECT i am 125lbs and my friends and i think that if i was any smaller it would be sickly. I think that this world view of beauty is over rated! A person is beauitful if she has confidence in herself. Also if your boyfriend doesnt think you are beauitful the way you are and wants you smaller, get rid of him. Get someone how like you for you and thinks your perfect the way you are. If you were 95lbs and could see your ribs, it would be disgusting and sickly. so yet againg im going to say DO NOT LOSS WEIGHT!

Any time a person who says they love you complains that they may care more for you if only you looked or acted a certain way is not worth the effort. I speak from far too many years and experiences to attest to this. Your height and weight sound healthy to me, and losing 20 lbs will make you look too thin. I dunno... I've always wondered about guys who like girls that look prepubescent or like boys.

You dont want to do that trust me :D. I'm the same age as you , and I am 5 foot as well. Im am currently 96 Pounds (which is extremely bad, and sickly according the the person above me lol) due to a very fast metabolism. I'm actually trying to gain weight (well i have been for the past 2 years, no i am not anorexic or anything, i love my food very much thank you.). I can see my ribs, but its not to the point where its tight around them. Its really not all that great because it will (or can) make you unhealthy. But to be honest, it's YOUR choice wheather you want to lose weight, and if you feel that way then go onto a SMALL diet to lose a little but. Don't go over the edge though, don't puke up your food, thats a big do not, that WILL cause big big problems for you and may even hurt your boyfriend to know thats what your doing.
As for him, it's normal for a guy to look upon other girls. Guys will think lots of girls are attractive, but only one of them they will fall in love with and love them for who they are. Its nothing to bad. I know guys like that. I've been with one like that. I know he likes you more then her, because he would of chose her over you, but notice he is with you because he wanted you. I know that sounds weird at first, but just think about it you know? You should be happy and talk to him about if you have to : ). Be open and ask him how he would feel about you losing weight. And also about the being pale thing, I'm as white as a ghost lol, i wish i had darker skin to be honest. aha. thats just me though. Everyone is beautiful it their own ways : ), and so are you.

Beauty is ALWAYS skin deep. And everyone's position of what they consider attractive is solely based on opinion. For what it's worth, you're more beautiful than that 'physically flawless' girl will ever be, especially if she's full of herself. And trust me, I'm sure there are others who agree with me that you're lovely - you seem kind within this thread and perfectly healthy for your height. There's no need to be thin to be pretty - if anything, being freakishy skinny is NEVER appealing.
And as for your boyfriend - if he knows you don't like him looking at other women he SHOULD stop. He needs to respect your need on this one - I feel as though he's to blame on why you feel unattractive. Seriously, explain to him why he needs to stop and how much insecurity it's causing you. If he still doesn't respect you then dump him - he's not worth it.

Kiihay, you definitely have some self esteem issues that need to be worked on. If your boyfriend wanted someone else, he would be with someone else. Yes, guys are going to look at other girls, that's normal but, that doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive, he obviously does or he wouldn't be your boyfriend. Being so thin that you can see your bones in not only unhealthy, it's unattractive. I hope you get this worked out, you could also drive him away.