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Is my best friend really a friend?
So I have a friend and I love her to bits, I do almost anything for her and she would me too, we've had falling outs and of course we argue and we have indepth chats about how we feel and can always have a laugh...but latly its been really tence.
You see we both have illnesses that cause us to get tired(hers more her illness and mine more my tablets) but it seems that she has the right not to go to college for the year get benifits and not work yet she has time to go town and see some people now and then even when it tires her out which I understand because being in a house all day drives you mental, Ive been there and only lasted 3 months and i was ready to jump off a bridge to get some entertainment. but when i want to go out and see if i can manage going to a club she goes mental at me, so I did not go as i felt guilty for even considering the idea. I listen to her talk about how shes fraustrated about being tired and so on and she does me buut then when it comes down to everyday business if ive come home a few hours early from college because im tired she seems to make it as if its a sin, she gets angry with me if I want to just relax and chill on the weekends and I try my hardest to do stuff but i constantly feel like im being weighed down and have no energy to do stuff im even fretting that its effect my work even though my college think ive made a real effort the last few weeks. she shouts and me and uses curse words such "as why the fucking hell are you making ______ cook the dinner" (i live with her and help out alot and my arangments are that if someone wants me to do something ill be asked but i wasnt) so she had no right to shout at me that way, i dislike the disrespect of that as all she could have said is could you please help make the dinner with _______. which I would have deffinatly done so after being asked. she ended up giving me the cold sholder for the rest of the day because i drank the last bit of pepsi in a bottle when their was another full litre bottle out in the kitchen and i even made her a glass for feeling guilty for drinking it. yet she shouted at me and said that i shouldnt take her stuff when she did not even buy the drink herself, I pay rent for living there shes only just started and the food is for everyone. I know im going on but even my parents have said im being mistreated and disrespected, I would not show only one half of the story as that is unfair, I have times where i will break out in tears or have a random f off when i up my dosage of my tablets as they swrew with my hormones but that only has occured a couple times and ive appolagised for it before hand and after yet I get no appoligies for when i get shouted at. she wa ssaying she gets treated like a child in her house becauseshe gets nagged at but so do i just as much and i know that being 19 is an age where your usually stuck, you are not always treated as a adult because we arnt actually adults yet and im fine with this yet shes nearly in tears. then later shes saying im immature and that i keep complaining if being treated like a child, when actually ive never had a problem and never said i dislike the way im treated. I feel bad for her abit because i am one of her only friends that have stuck by her for so long, more than a year which most havent yet i feel i cant cope if she carries on, i would try and speak with her but its not possible it turns into a argument and me being less confident i cant react in evil ways and bring up past mistakes which she does to me and doesnt even listen to me when i bring up the truth. she is usually about 40% on my back but the other times she can be a good laugh and a loving person but I want to know is it worth me getting upset that 40% of that time that im being attacked by her? sorry for the long post, i just really want to see someone elses oppinion if its worth sticking around or should i consider that i too have the right to have an illness and feel like crap? oh and sorry my spelling is bad |
Talk to her about how you feel. If she turns around and is a bitch towards you, disrespecting your aspect of things. I would suggest to look for another place to live.
However, the illness thing. You want to get that sorted out because I am going to be honest. Life is too short to live in fear of an illness. Learn and find a way to control it or overcome it and go out. Take the days you need to recover but go out and have some fun. =) |
Its not really that I live in fear of an illness, its that Im trying my hardest to continue a life with my illness yet she is not and i seem to be the one punished when i let it overcome me when she already has.
I am going to talk to her though but I'm in a way scared of that as she will turn round and disrespect me but if that happens I dont have anywhere else to go except back home which means ill fail my college course which ive worked all throughout the year to get so far. but you are right i really do need to talk to her.. |
Maybe she's jealous because you're in school and she's at home? I mean, I know it sounds like a good thing to not have to work or go to school, but she could be upset that her sickness is keeping her from getting out there and doing things. That's the only reason I can think that she would yell at you for coming home early. Maybe she's not taking your illness into consideration and thinks you're taking the opportunity to go to school for granted.
I agree with Bartuc though, you definitely should talk to her. If talking usually ends in being yelled at, write a note instead. I think that it might be effective if you gave the example about being yelled at about not making the food when she could have just asked you to. It'll be a challenge to not make the note too accusatory though. Since you're close friends, if you tell her that something hurts your feelings or bothers you, she should care. |
I never thought about writing it in a note, and i actually think that would work alot better than talking to her.
and thinking about it maybe she is, when something bothers her she pushes it away and wont talk about it. thankyou loads, im really glad you mentioned the note idea, i think thats a 90% chance to work and to get her to realise how I feel and might make her tell me her actual feelings. |
I'm glad that you think the note might work. Let us know how it goes.
About your original question of whether your friend is really your friend, you'd know better than anyone here. I do know that everyone fights with their friends, but the confrontation/apologizing/explaining feelings that comes from fighting can bring people closer together. I guess whether she is or not probably depends on whether you can always work it out and feel closer or if you can't work it out and resentment or anger builds up. |
Has she ever heard of online classes? Most colleges offer online classes.
If she can't physically go to school because of her illness, she can take classes online. Maybe you can mention that to her or something. Especially if juniper_silver is right & she's just jealous of you doing something with your life. *shrugs* And I think the note idea is a great one. Its hard to word things right when you're trying to talk to someone like that (I don't mean that in a mean way. But my mom is like that, too.). At least this way you can work out what you're trying to say, & have time to word it correctly :3 |
You might want to spend some time apart too, sound silly but you would be surprised at what a little break can do. You both sound very stressed and are trying to cope with some tough things in your life. Thus in turn you are both taking it out on one another. Some time apart may help you both clear your heads so you are not as stressed.
Also with any new roommate situation you need to lay down the laws that govern your house. If you pay all the rent and such then bottom line your word goes. If you share it then you need to come to compromises. Either way you need to do it fast other wise thing tend to get out of hand. If you do have your conversations ending in fight I would bring a third neutral party in to mediate too. Sounds a bit harsh but in the long run it can make or break you in a housing situation. They allways tell at college us not to room with your best friend cause most of the time you end up hating one another if you can't work some thing out. Either way good luck and hopefully you will feel better soon. Also Firefox has spell check function I would totally recommend if your spelling is a bit sub par, it helps me out a ton when I post. |
Wow, it sounds like she is jealous. Nothing you can do about that, sorry to say. I agree with your parents and think you are being taken advantage of. Shes your friend though and if you are okay with that then it is no ones concern but your own. However, you really need to take care of your self while you are in collage. it is rough enough to get though with out the added strain of being tiered all the time. If you don't make sure you are taken care of you may end up failing, and that would be horribly unfair to you. Writing her a letter does seem the right way to go, just make sure you are taking care of you. You don't need to be bitchy you just need to be firm. Having been in a situation like this I can say from experience, this will only get worse if you don't make it clear now.
I hope this go well for you, fighting with friends is so hard, but really it sound like you are trying to "do it all" and that is just too much for one person to take on. Good Luck!! |
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